Parenting An Adopted Child: Expert Tips To Build Trust, Bonding And Secure Attachment

This article is based on insights from adoption counsellor Rohini Ramesh, who has extensive experience supporting adoptive families through the emotional and practical aspects of adoption. It also reflects current guidance on attachment, responsive caregiving, and child adjustment.

Welcoming an adopted child into your family is a beautiful, life-changing journey, but it is completely natural to feel a little anxious. You might find yourself worrying about how to build a strong bond, how to help your little one feel settled, or whether you are saying the right things. Take a deep breath. You are not alone, and you really don't have to figure it all out on day one.

To help you navigate these worries, we spoke with Rohini Ramesh, counseling psychologist and adoption counselor with extensive experience supporting adoptive families in Chennai.

She says, "Entering this journey with an open heart, curiosity, and a great deal of acceptance can make the experience truly delightful. Parenting is never about perfection; it is about offering unconditional presence, which helps a child feel welcomed, valued, and completely accepted.”

Connection and bonding strategies for adoptive parents

What did it feel like the first time you held your child? We often hope for an instant, magical spark, but it’s time to let go of that expectation! Bonding and attachment take time, and that is completely normal.

Attachment grows through small moments that help your child feel safe every day. You can nurture this sense of security by:

• Sticking to a bedtime routine
• Responding gently when they cry
• Sitting on the floor and playing with your child

These simple, comforting rituals reassure your child that they are safe and that you are not going anywhere.

Owing to their early experiences and transition to a new family, attachment can look different for adopted children. As Rohini points out:

"For younger children, especially those below one year of age, bonding with the parent may be immediate. However, older children have a past they might remember. Children who are older than one year may recognize and even miss people who previously cared for them."

This is where your consistency and emotional availability really matter. Over time, your steady presence builds trust.

"The personal attention, warmth, and care they receive in a family environment, compared to institutional care, will help the child trust their new home and family,” explains Rohini.

If you notice your child struggling to trust or settle in, she recommends three simple, immediate things you can do at home:

• Create consistency: Set aside dedicated time and presence to establish predictable patterns
• Tune in: Listen closely to the child's gestures and words to truly understand their needs
• Keep it playful: Make the home atmosphere light and fun

"Parents need to be attuned to the child’s emotional and developmental needs," she adds.

If things ever feel too tough, reaching out for professional support is a wise decision to help you navigate those feelings.

Helping your adopted child adjust to their new family

When a child joins a new family, it is a massive change. Your child is adjusting to many new experiences all at once—a new house, new parents and relatives, new routines, and maybe a new school. All this can cause changes in their behavior. They might feel grief, or a sense of loss, or feel torn between their past and present.

Rohini points out that these bumps in the road are completely normal, and the adjustment process will look distinctly different depending on your child's age.

Birth to 6 months

At this early stage, adjustment happens around sensory experiences. Babies build trust through consistent, responsive care and by getting familiar with new voices, gentle touches, and feeding patterns.

6 to 12 months

At this stage, babies develop strong preferences and might show ‘stranger anxiety’ or separation distress. This sudden fear of unfamiliar people is a very normal part of their development, as it shows they are beginning to recognize and form emotional bonds with you, their primary caregivers. Maintaining predictable routines for sleep, feeding, and play is incredibly helpful here.

1 to 3 years

Toddlers develop rapidly and rely heavily on trusted caregivers. Establishing predictable routines, using simple language and calm responses, and providing physical comfort such as hugs will help them feel secure.

3 to 5 years

Older children already have early memories and an understanding of relationships. Keeping routines consistent, giving simple, honest explanations, actively listening, and acknowledging their feelings with plenty of patience works best.

Rohini shares a heartfelt story about a Tamil-speaking couple who adopted a three- to four-year-old girl from rural northern India. The child only spoke her native regional language. "The couple welcomed her warmly, and the mother made a special effort to learn and use the child’s language during the initial weeks," says Rohini. This genuine empathy helped the little girl feel understood and supported.

While there were a few short-lived episodes of crying, the parents felt that being an older couple helped them respond with patience and calmness during the transition. Ultimately, enrolling the child in school played a significant role in improving her socialization and confidence. She learned the local language and seamlessly adapted to her new life.

Having siblings and extended family on board also makes a huge difference. Rohini shares a heartwarming example of a closely bonded family in which three cousins adopted girls, some as their first children, others alongside biological siblings.

Growing up with this shared experience and supportive extended family, the three girls have grown strong and independent.

"It is nice that they have each other, and they don’t feel different, nor left out, nor that there is anything unique about their identity," she notes.

However, sometimes families might need a little extra help. Rohini says she often sees families struggling when communication is weak. This doesn't just mean arguing. Weak communication can look like avoiding conversations about adoption because it feels uncomfortable, not actively listening to the child’s point of view, or parents reacting with anxiety and defensiveness. 

Another common issue is when highly accomplished parents expect too much. "Expecting children to be as accomplished as them is a lot to ask," explains Rohini, noting that some children might learn a bit slowly or have different needs, such as learning disabilities or hyperactivity disorders. Instead of pushing for academic results, she suggests supporting what the child is naturally good at.

Parent checklist

Helping your adopted child feel secure

• Give your child consistent routines
• Respond calmly and warmly to their emotions
• Spend one-on-one time together every day
• Follow your child's pace while building trust
• Encourage play and shared activities
• Reach out for professional support if needed

There will be hard days and moments of uncertainty, but those regular moments of connection are what truly build a family.

Every adopted child adjusts at their own pace. What matters most is that they know they are loved, accepted, and safe. That is what lays the foundation of lifelong trust.

Part 2: How to talk to your child about their adoption story with honesty, sensitivity, and confidence; and how to support them as they build their sense of identity.

Trusted sources:

• Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA). Guidelines Governing Adoption of Children.
• American Academy of Pediatrics. Helping Adoptive Families Thrive.
• American Academy of Pediatrics. The Importance of Early Relationships and Responsive Caregiving.

Planning to adopt or already growing your family through adoption? Read our comprehensive Adoption Process Guide for Parents to understand the legal process, parenting challenges, and expert recommendations for building a secure, loving home.

Published: July 17, 2026