Q: How can I get my child to stop playing when playtime is over?

Dear Parent, When a child is engrossed in doing something she enjoys, including playing, it becomes very difficult for her to stop. So, if you get angry or threaten your child at this moment because you feel she is not listening and is being disobedient, your child may either ‘obey’ you out of fear, or she may start to cry and throw a tantrum. Here are some tips to help you handle such situations:Make sure you discuss with your child how long she can play or do an activity, whether it be painting or playing with friends. Set a timer to let her know when time is up.Children, young ones, in particular, find it difficult to suddenly transition from one activity to another. Give a gentle reminder – say 10 minutes before and then again 5 minutes before the time is up. This will give your child enough time to start winding down the activity as she prepares to stop.Appreciate and thank her when she stops her activity at the planned time.Direct your child to another activity that may interest her, something she can look forward to. For example, if she is out in the playground you can tell her that after she is done playing, you will let her play her choice of music at home.Click on the link for more information:Are you making rules for your children? Here's how you can make 'agreements' instead

Q: How to raise a confident child and not an overconfident one?

Dear Parent, We sometimes try to encourage our children by praising anything and everything they do. We don’t realize that the wrong kind of praise could make their child feel overconfident, or afraid to try new things. Genuine and specific praise can help your child build self-confidence. If your child shows you a drawing she has done, if you simply say, “Wow! That is beautiful. You are an amazing artist,” it sends your child the message that ‘he is the best’.Instead, you could say:“I see you have spent a lot of time on your painting. I really like the way you drew the clouds in the sky.”“What do you like about your drawing? Is there anything you would like to do differently?”If your child says she is not satisfied with the drawing, ask her how he would like to improve the drawing. In this way, you will not be judging her work or giving false praise. Instead, you would be encouraging her to learn how to appreciate her own drawing skills.This way, the child becomes aware of both his strengths and the areas he can improve on. He will build confidence as he learns from his mistakes and makes progress.Click on the links below for more tips:Help build your child's self-esteemHow to Build Confidence and Self-Esteem in Preschoolers (3 to 5 Years Old)Your Child Will Have Fun Doing These Top 10 Confidence-Building Activities

Question 1

My child is so polite and silent at school, but at home, I can&#x2019;t control him. What is your advice?

Accepted Answer

Dear Parent,It&#x2019;s confusing isn&#x27;t it, when your child behaves so differently at home and in school. As family members, we do tend to take more liberties at home. Let&#x2019;s think about how we behave differently in different places - &#xA0;at home, in our friend&#x2019;s house, in the house of a distant relative, at work. Each environment has certain expectations of how we must conduct ourselves, and a lot depends upon how comfortable we are with the people, and how informal or formal the relationships are.If your child is full of life and energy at home and expresses himself freely&#x2013; be happy. It means he feels safe and secure with you and is comfortable being his natural self in his home. On the other hand, he knows the importance of following the rules at school. Or he may still be figuring out who his friends are, and who he can trust, before interacting freely with his classmates.&#xA0;But if you feel your child&#x2019;s behavior at home needs to be corrected anyway, here are a few tips on how to approach your child and sort it out with him:&#xA0;&#xA0;Understanding your childGrowing children are curious. They like to experience more independence in doing things for themselves, like to be included in family conversations and feel important when allowed to express their ideas and opinions. Children become resentful and uncooperative when they are ignored or completely in control of their parents.When children misbehave we naturally feel upset. We may yell or shout at them or say harsh things or punish them. Our intention is to discipline them but in the process, we will most likely hurt their feelings. Instead, we could try to turn the mistakes or misbehaviors into learning opportunities for them.&#xA0;Helping children to think about their behavior begins by first listening to their side of the story. When they feel heard by their parents they feel less afraid and are thus able to see the situation more clearly. This non-threatening approach helps children admit their mistakes. Next, parents can ask their children to think of ways they can avoid the mistakes or misbehaviors, and what they could do differently.&#xA0;&#xA0;Please click on the links to get more tips on how to manage your child&#x2019;s behavior. &#xA0;How To Manage Your Child&#x27;s Bad Behaviour5 Common Behavioral Problems In Preschoolers And What You Can Do About Them

Question 2

Is it okay to maintain a disciplined environment at home?

Accepted Answer

Dear Parent,&#xA0;It all depends on what you mean by the word &#x2018;discipline&#x2019;? Do you mean &#x2018;obedient&#x2019;, always listening to what you say without questioning or stating their point of view? Or is it about being strict and punishing your child when he misbehaves? If discipline means you have complete control over what the child should and should not do, then you have to ask yourself if that is best for your child. Will he grow up and be able to make decisions on his own? Will he be able to make the right choices without you telling him what to do?On the other hand, if you think of &#x2018;discipline&#x2019; as a teachable moment, your child will learn self-discipline and self-control, skills that will serve him for life. If your child is misbehaving, here&#x2019;s what you can do to help him learn from that situation:First, take the time to settle your own anger about what has happened, and stay calm.&#xA0;Think about what you want your child to learn at that moment. For example, if he hits his friend in anger, he needs to learn how to manage his anger. He needs to learn he cannot hurt another, even if he is mad.Wait for your child to calm down before you try to talk to him. Then talk to him about his behavior and why it is not appropriate.Then discuss ways in which he could handle the situation better next time. Let your child come up with ideas. For example &#x2013; if he is angry, instead of hitting his friend, can he squeeze his fists tight and stomp his feet, or run around the block?&#xA0;A disciplined environment can be maintained by letting your child know what you expect of him, and by making family agreements about what is acceptable behavior. Do remember that children need constant reminders about behavior. Reminding them in fun ways takes away the stress, lightens the atmosphere, and makes the child become more cooperative with you.Ensure that you are cued into your child&#x2019;s world and empathize with his feelings (remember all feelings are okay, all behavior is not). Then, you will surely have a disciplined environment, one that is not filled with fear, but one that is filled with love and understanding!

Question 3

How can I get my child to stop playing when playtime is over?

Accepted Answer

Dear Parent,&#xA0;When a child is engrossed in doing something she enjoys, including playing, it becomes very difficult for her to stop. So, if you get angry or threaten your child at this moment because you feel she is not listening and is being disobedient, your child may either &#x2018;obey&#x2019; you out of fear, or she may start to cry and throw a tantrum. Here are some tips to help you handle such situations:Make sure you discuss with your child how long she can play or do an activity, whether it be painting or playing with friends. Set a timer to let her know when time is up.Children, young ones, in particular, find it difficult to suddenly transition from one activity to another. Give a gentle reminder &#x2013; say 10 minutes before and then again 5 minutes before the time is up. This will give your child enough time to start winding down the activity as she prepares to stop.Appreciate and thank her when she stops her activity at the planned time.Direct your child to another activity that may interest her, something she can look forward to. For example, if she is out in the playground you can tell her that after she is done playing, you will let her play her choice of music at home.Click on the link for more information:Are you making rules for your children? Here&#x27;s how you can make &#x27;agreements&#x27; instead

Question 4

How to raise a confident child and not an overconfident one?

Accepted Answer

Dear Parent,&#xA0;We sometimes try to encourage our children by praising anything and everything they do. We don&#x2019;t realize that the wrong kind of praise could make their child feel overconfident, or afraid to try new things. Genuine and specific praise can help your child build self-confidence. If your child shows you a drawing she has done, if you simply say, &#x201C;Wow! That is beautiful. You are an amazing artist,&#x201D; it sends your child the message that &#x2018;he is the best&#x2019;.Instead, you could say:&#x201C;I see you have spent a lot of time on your painting. I really like the way you drew the clouds in the sky.&#x201D;&#x201C;What do you like about your drawing? Is there anything you would like to do differently?&#x201D;If your child says she is not satisfied with the drawing, ask her how he would like to improve the drawing. In this way, you will not be judging her work or giving false praise. Instead, you would be encouraging her to learn how to appreciate her own drawing skills.This way, the child becomes aware of both his strengths and the areas he can improve on. He will build confidence as he learns from his mistakes and makes progress.Click on the links below for more tips:Help build your child&#x27;s self-esteemHow to Build Confidence and Self-Esteem in Preschoolers (3 to 5 Years Old)Your Child Will Have Fun Doing These Top 10 Confidence-Building Activities&#xA0;&#xA0;

Question 5

We would like your specific suggestions on how to address growth patterns related to an introverted and extroverted child?

Accepted Answer

Dear Parent,Remember, being an introvert or an extrovert is a personality trait. An introvert likes to spend alone time to re-energize. Being with people all the time drains him. An extrovert, however, is fully energized when he is surrounded by people. If he is alone, he feels drained.Being shy on the other hand is a behavioral issue related to mild social anxiety. So, whether a child is an introvert or an extrovert, he could still be shy because meeting people makes him anxious.It is not advisable to try to change your introverted child into an extrovert or vice-versa. Remember, introverts are deep thinkers and many successful people are known to be introverts. Instead, try to support your introverted child by:Inviting just one or two friends to play with him, instead of a whole group of friendsNot labeling your child as &#x2018;shy&#x2019;Building some time into your child&#x2019;s daily routine for some quiet activities like reading, painting, listening to music, imaginative play with toys, etc.Allowing him to observe and take his time before he starts to interact with people he meetsEncouraging your child to express his feelings and name them, as he doesn&#x27;t easily express his feelings&#xA0;If your child is an extrovert, you can support him by:Organizing playdates and parties with many children. Don&#x27;t always plan everything when she is playing with friends.Encouraging your child to play by herself, even if it is for a few minutes every day. She need not sit and be quiet. She can climb trees or sing and dance by herself.Teaching her to take turns while talking and encouraging her to listen to what others are saying. Give her practice in taking turns to listen and talk at home.Reminding her that she need not always be the center of attention at parties and gatherings. It is all right to share the attention with others as well.Listening and acknowledging your child&#x2019;s feelings, as she will not hesitate to tell you how she feels. Don&#x27;t just brush aside her feelings.For more information, click on the links given below:10 Tips to Raise Your Introvert ChildTips for Parenting an Extrovert

Ask the Expert - FAQs

Parenting

My child is so polite and silent at school, but at home, I can’t control him. What is your advice?

Parenting

Is it okay to maintain a disciplined environment at home?

Parenting

How can I get my child to stop playing when playtime is over?

Parenting

How to raise a confident child and not an overconfident one?

Parenting

We would like your specific suggestions on how to address growth patterns related to an introverted and extroverted child?

Parenting

How do parents identify unknown trauma in children which has taken place during the toddler age (1-5)? How can it be rectified for betterment?

Learning

A child is capable of learning new things. So should we push him and give him more opportunities or just take it easy.

Parenting

How to handle multiple people parenting my child?

Wellness

When there is a head injury during child playing, can we ignore or take the child to the doctor for checking the impact of an injury?

Learning

Is it important to give educational and overall development stress to the younger generation?

Learning

What goes on in a 4-year kid's mind when she writes full A-Z like a mirror image?

Parenting

If I ask my son too much about something he ends up telling a lie. He is so perfect in telling the lie that we end up believing it actually happened. How to overcome this?

Parenting

My 13-years-old son is well-behaved with a very pleasing personality. But he is introverted and does not raise his voice even if something upsets him. How can I encourage him to raise his voice when required?

Learning

My child is a very good student and active in extracurricular activities. Lately, he has been stressing a lot about exams. We do not pressurize him. Why is he so stressed?

Parenting

I am a mother of a 5-month-old beautiful baby boy. I enjoy every bit of being a mother but sometimes I look terrible after the weight gain and feel insecure. My husband is supportive but I still feel low. Please tell me if it will get better?

Parenting

My 4-year-old niece is a smart and observant child. Lately, she seems preoccupied and lost in her thoughts. She is lying at times. Usually a very honest child, we are finding it difficult to understand this could be bothering her?

Parenting

How can teenagers be made more aware of being more empathetic and sensitive towards others’ feelings and emotions?

Wellness

My father-in-law just recovered from a bout of dengue. He is 73, and otherwise very active but the illness makes him feel fatigued. What do you suggest that we should include in his meals so that it does not relapse and he gets over his weakness?