How Parenting Styles Have Changed Across Generations And What Parents Can Learn

A young woman reflects on parenting across generations

This is a story about my family, about how my great-grandparents raised my grandparents, how my grandparents raised my parents, how my parents raised me, and how I plan on raising my children.

When I started writing this, I expected to learn a few random interesting facts about my family and ancestry. Still, I have found a lot about how parenting styles have evolved through generations.

Let's start with my maternal grandfather, whom we call nanaji. He grew up mostly on his own, reading mystery novels and books on Sikhism from his school library. I was pleasantly surprised by the mystery novels because those were the novels my mother read while growing up, and so had I.

Fear, respect, and emotional distance in earlier generations

However, a bigger mystery to me is how he only managed one proper conversation with his father in his entire life. I asked him if he was afraid of his parents; he immediately said that he had a lot of respect for them. I had to ask him a few more times before he admitted that he was afraid of his father. He kept insisting on 'respect' as if he were afraid I would think horribly of parents who provide for their children and give a little space for emotional connection.

I wanted to tell him about the immense respect I have for my parents, and that respect doesn't need to mean distance or fear. But I felt that if I said any of this, I might break his heart a little, or maybe he wouldn't believe me anyway. He said his parents never hit him, nor did he ever hit his children. But they claim otherwise, that he would mostly hit them at homework time when they struggled to give the right answers. I think he has forgotten about it, and he may have forgotten that his parents have hit him.

How emotional connection changed in modern parenting

My parents are different from their parents, and they are probably different from most other parents. Although their marriage was arranged, they somehow managed to fall in love before the wedding. You can tell by their flirtations, smiles, and the way they hold each other that they are still madly in love. I think that seeing so much love does something to you; it adds a pinch of beauty to life because somehow the love between them grows into the love among us. My parents kept my brother and me close to their bodies and their hearts. I grew up wanting to be with my family.

My parents were lucky enough to find good, supportive partners in each other, but their parents were not as lucky. Their parents were more distant from each other and didn't display affection. Perhaps they didn't know how to be close, and probably earned their obedience with fear and punishment. I have been on and off, afraid of my father, but not very much, and I haven't ever been afraid of my mother. I am glad that these days children are less afraid of their parents and share a stronger emotional bond. Today, parenting is increasingly seen as something that can be learned through nurturing practices.

What today’s young adults want to do differently as parents

I have much to learn before I become a parent, but I have also learned some from my own parents. I would tell my children that not even I can tell them what to do with their bodies, which only belong to them. I would do this because our religious tenets did not allow me to cut my hair. I had friends whose parents told them they did not have the right to say no. I will not shy away from talking about sex and queerness, because I want my children to be safe, and I need them to know that there's nothing wrong with something so human. I want my children to have good parents as I did and more, because no one is perfect, and I can only try to do better than my parents did. - Jasmine Kaur, 22, Punjab

Jasmine’s reflections echo what many families are noticing today: parenting is changing with every generation.

Parents share how parenting has evolved in their families

Intrigued by Jasmine's story, we reached out to some parents to share their experiences and ask questions about various aspects of parenting, to understand how their parents raised them versus how they are raising their children. Here are some interesting responses:

Thara Ramachandran, mother of a 16-year-old daughter:

On communication, sensitive topics, and emotional bonding

As a child: Yes, my parents and I spoke a lot. We discussed books, politics, and other general topics. But we never spoke about anything that was out of line. Definitely not about sex or sexuality.

As a parent: I take every chance to educate my daughter about adolescence and her body. For instance, if we watch something on TV, I'd slowly start opening a discussion about infatuation, love, etc. She brushes me off, saying, "Oh, Mom, I don't have any." But I've not spoken about safe sex or anything. Why give them ideas? That said, I'm sure my daughter connects with us better than I did with my parents. The connection is better with my husband, with whom she goes on and on about school fights, friends, and books she reads. It could be because he is a very patient listener!

Thara Ramachandran is a program manager from Kochi, where she lives with her daughter, Harita, husband, and in-laws.

Arun Krishnan, father of a 2.5-year-old son: 

On discipline, encouragement, and staying emotionally available 

As a child: I was never afraid of my parents, but I respected them. I think my parents made some very clear rules, which made things easier for us. One of the rules was that we return home by 6 p.m., and I followed it even as a teen.

They wouldn't have made a big fuss if I had stayed out late, but I knew the rule and went by it. I see it as a good thing. I'd come home, study, spend time with my siblings, and participate in household chores. We also had some family time together over pujas and dinner.

My dad and I did not talk much. But my mom was open to conversations, although both were busy with their own responsibilities. They'd never speak about smoking or drinking, although it was clearly a big No. In hindsight, it would've helped if they had spoken to me about it. And I remember how my mom freaked out when I said I had a girlfriend.

Other than that, they always encouraged me in every aspect. They spotted my interest in music and enrolled me in a music class at a young age. My dad would always insist that I take part in any competition or school event that I thought was interesting. He never stressed about winning. It's the experience he wanted me to enjoy. It has helped me in many ways in life.

As a parent: I think I have a few strict rules for my child. My son is still a toddler, but beating other children (even playfully), shouting, raising his voice against us, etc., is a strict 'No'.

My wife and I spend a lot of time with him. We want to make sure he knows from a very young age that we are always there for him and that he can come to us for anything. We will make sure there is room and time for plenty of conversations and fun.

As he grows up, I will try to keep communication as open as possible. Since we are beginning the journey early, I'm sure we will have many shared interests. I like outdoor nature activities, so I guess I will encourage him to take them up. But I would not be crazy scared about his teen years or react the way my mom did when I had a girlfriend. I will be calm.

Arun works in naval sciences in Southampton, England, where he lives with his wife and son. 

S. S. Pillai, father of a 28-year-old daughter: 

On freedom, trust, and respecting children’s choices 

As a child: I spent most of my childhood with my grandparents and in boarding schools. My parents were in Kuwait, and I'd meet them during the summer holidays. But the time I spent with them was great. I don't remember them being harsh in any way. I learned a lot from my parents; they were to me, like I am to my daughter, with no restrictions and lots of respect for my choices. When I was much younger, they had probably scolded me for my grades, but as I grew up, they let me follow my interests.

As a parent: To my daughter Roshini, I'm more a friend than a father now. When she was very young, we gave her basic guidance on values such as punctuality and respectfulness. But there weren't any punishments. I do remember scolding her for not studying well enough when she was in her preteens. But as she grew up, I grew more confident about her choices. Since then, there have only been discussions; no one tells the other what to do. She works in the media industry, is married to the love of her life, and has a head and voice of her own. My wife and I are immensely proud of her.

S S Pillai is a warehouse and distribution manager. He lives with his wife in Madurai. His daughter works in the media and lives in Chennai with her husband. 

What today’s parents can learn from previous generations

What we observe among these parents is a clear evolution in how each generation takes to parenting. The way we were raised often shapes the way we parent our own children. For instance, if you've had an angry parent, you resolve not to be one to your child. However, you'll be surprised to see how you yell at your child the same way your mom or dad did when you were young. It is therefore important to pause and reflect before you respond and avoid knee-jerk reactions, which invariably worsen a situation. This kind of reflection can help you respond more thoughtfully and grow into a more aware parent.

Now, let's take some parenting lessons from what these parents have shared about becoming the parents they are.

Set clear rules early and stay consistent

If you set rules from early childhood, it's easier for your child to follow them as a teen.

Discipline with conversations, not fear

Hitting or yelling at your child only makes for painful memories. Use words wisely and indulge in conversations. Even if your child is a toddler, a blunt NO may be just a sound to them. Try explaining why you are saying No to them: That really hurt me, hands are for hugging, drawing, giving a high-five, and so much more, not for hitting. Such phrases can work like magic.

Build emotionally safe relationships with children

If you've shared a comfortable relationship with your parents, you are most likely to enjoy the same with your child. It keeps you emotionally healthy, leading to better relationships, decision-making skills, and resilience. So, make conscious efforts to stay emotionally connected with your child. A relationship built on fear lowers your child's confidence.

Create meaningful family rituals and routines

Family rituals such as a fitness routine, weekend fun, or simple family dinner time are wholesome ways to bond as a family.

Encourage open conversations, even about difficult topics

How you discipline and how you respond to your child's actions influence how you communicate with your child. Don't shy away from sensitive topics such as sex and relationships. You're the safest person to talk to your child rather than hoping someone else will. And if you want your child to speak to you as a teen, genuinely listen to them today.

Balance kindness with healthy boundaries

You may have painful memories of strict parenting and physical punishments, and you might want to be lenient with your child. While it's good that you don't want to be strict and harsh, it's just as bad to over-indulge your child.  Being firm and kind is balanced parenting.

Encourage effort, curiosity, and individuality

Be involved in your child's education and other aspects of life. Give them opportunities to explore their abilities and learn new skills. Encourage and reward their efforts. Expand their worldview by having open discussions. Encourage debates and friendly arguments, and respect each other's differences of opinion.

Parenting lessons from public figures and celebrities

Actor Jyothika on equality, independence, and modelling values

My mother was a strong, independent working woman. She taught us the value of being independent and earning our own living. She clearly raised my brother and us sisters equally. So, we had no trace of gender bias. We only learned to respect each other. Now, when I respect others and am independent, my daughter and son will naturally imbibe these values.

Parent takeaway:

• Values are imbibed from parents who live and practise them consistently.
• Model gender equity, independence, and respect in all your interactions.

Quiz Master Siddhartha Basu on supporting individuality and unconventional dreams

The values that mattered to my parents were lofty excellence, effort, conviction, service to humanity, and spiritual evolution. My parents didn't set materialistic goals in front of me. They never said this is the course you should follow, the job you should do, or the money you should earn.

They nurtured me physically, emotionally, mentally, and culturally. I was fairly rebellious. My chosen vocation path in theatre, film, and television was highly adventurous by my family's standards. Because opportunities in these fields were very limited compared to what they are today. Even though the route I took was unconventional and risky at that time, my parents were happy that I was able to support myself and my family. They appreciated whatever I was able to achieve.

Parent takeaway:

• Having a clear aim and systematically accomplishing it is the best definition of success.
• Find out what your child wants to do. Help them to keep learning, keep growing, keep trying, and keep doing. That's the best success mantra!

Tennis coach Imran Mirza on resilience, encouragement, and balanced parenting

The spirit of fighting against the odds always inspired me in my life, through my own personal struggles, which began when I was barely out of my teens. I believed that overcoming failures and bouncing back from lows were the true tests of human character, and we, as a family, took pride in facing up to these challenges.

It was ingrained in Sania Mirza's mind that, along with success, failure was also a natural part and parcel of a sportsperson's life. As losses were not treated as something to get depressed about, it became easier for Sania, the tennis player, to push herself and fight back from difficult situations. Provided she had tried her very best, a loss was never considered a big deal at home.

I always kept in mind a fine line between being encouraging and overbearing. As parents, we need to keep a balanced approach. It is virtually impossible to succeed without parental support, but support needs to be constructive, or it will be of no use.

Parent takeaway:

• Be your child's biggest source of encouragement.
• Allow them to fail and show them how to bounce back in resilience.
• Remember to encourage effort and not look for victory every time.

How parenting today is changing for better and worse

We asked some parents about the changes they see in today's parenting. They shared what they considered good and not-so-good changes. Here they are:

Positive changes in modern parenting 

• Improved awareness of healthcare.
• Making use of reliable, research-backed parenting resources.
• More importance is given to the child's emotional needs.
• A combination of both modern and traditional approaches to the child's overall well-being.
• Improved lifestyle in terms of communication, transport, etc., thereby reducing stress.
• Importance to the child's education, individuality, freedom of expression, and emotional health.
• Fathers are more involved than ever. From changing diapers and feeding children to attending school meetings and listening to school tales, they are ready, available, and interested.

While parents today are more emotionally aware in many ways, they also face new pressures and challenges.

Challenges modern parents are struggling with 

• To keep children emotionally and physically healthy, parents are becoming overprotective, making children less resilient.
• Children are more entitled; therefore, they confuse rights with wants and needs.
• Peer pressure from other parents and social media is adding to parental stress.
• The shift from joint families to nuclear families has its own disadvantages.
• Children and parents are becoming tech-dependent.

Parenting may evolve, but the core values remain the same

To sum up, parenting has clearly evolved over the years. There are some great learnings from parents of the earlier generations, and some amazing takeaways from those of the current generation. Having said that, the core values of parenting have remained intact for generations. They all focus on bringing up children who are confident, compassionate, competent, and adaptive. After all, who doesn't want to raise happy, healthy, and successful children? And yes, children learn more from what you are than what you teach. So, nurture, nourish, step back, and see them flower into amazing citizens who will be the future of the nation.

Parenting reflections checklist

• Reflect on how your own childhood influences your parenting today
• Build a relationship based on trust instead of fear
• Encourage open conversations, even on sensitive topics
• Set clear rules while staying emotionally connected
• Avoid harsh discipline and focus on respectful communication
• Create regular family rituals and shared moments
• Encourage effort, curiosity, and independent thinking
• Balance freedom with guidance and healthy boundaries
• Model the values you want your child to learn
• Focus on raising emotionally secure, resilient, and compassionate children

Last updated on: May 28, 2026