The Importance Of Forgiveness In Friendship: Help Your Child Build Healthy Relationships

One can never underestimate the important role that friendship and forgiveness play in laying a solid foundation for a child to forge new relationships in life. And as a parent, you have a vital role to play. Interestingly, research suggests that friends, more than parents, play a crucial role in shaping a child's future. Scroll below to find out how.

Importance of friendship

While children 'easily' make friends, they also get into 'petty' differences simply because they lack the skills to handle situations. It is common to see 'little friends' get into arguments, fights, and blame games. While it is natural for very young children to behave in this manner, it is not a bad idea to use folk tales to teach children how they could look beyond arguments and fights while building true friendships.

Here, we use the Jataka tale, The Wind and the Moon, to let your child understand this better:

In a deep forest, a lion named Narasimha and a tiger named Pulideva live together in a cave. They have been friends since their childhood. A well-learned holy man named Chatrugna, lives on the mountain above the cave maintains. He maintains  the peace in the forest, through his teachings.

One cold evening, Narasimha and Pulideva get into a pointless argument. Narasimha says that the weather becomes cold when the moon wanes from full moon to new moon. Pulideva contradicts him by saying that the waxing of the moon from new moon to full moon brings chilly weather. The argument escalates as both stand their ground, unwilling to budge. Matters get worse as they start calling each other names.

The 'friendly' duo then decides to take the issue to Chatrugna. The friends pay their respects to the hermit and narrate the cause of their quarrel. Chatrugna listens to their story patiently. He points out that the weather can be cold during any phase of the moon. The chillness in the weather is not brought by the fullness of the moon but by the wind flowing from the north, east, or west. The old man has a strong piece of advice for the lion and the tiger. He says their friendship must remain strong through thick and thin, and that arguments and name-calling only lead to enmity and disputes. The two friends realize their foolishness and get back to their friendly ways and live in harmony.

Points of discussion:

• How are Narasimha and Pulideva different?
• What if they didn't go to Chatrugna and parted ways instead?
• How do you think they could have solved the issue between them?

Importance of forgiveness

Forgiveness is an integral part of true friendship. Your young child may come to you with stories of several feuds and why they are mad at their close friend, and 'hate' them. But do they realize the value of forgiveness? Here's your opportunity to teach them this all-important human value.

Simply read out the story 'Sands of Forgiveness' to them.

Two friends, Pranav and Vaibhav go on a long journey across a desert. Due to severe heat and extreme thirst, tension starts running high between the friends. They argue, and Pranav slaps Vaibhav. A stunned Vaibhav takes a stick and writes 'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME ON THE FACE' on the desert sand. The two friends then continue the journey without talking to each other.

They soon come upon an oasis with a pond brimming with clear water. Both quench their thirst and jump in for a swim. Vaibhav's legs get stuck while swimming. As he struggles to free himself, Pranav comes to his rescue and pulls him out of the water. Vaibhav, who was at the receiving end of a slap only a few hours ago, thanks Pranav profusely and carves 'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE' on a rock.

Pranav is surprised. He asks Vaibhav the reason for writing on the sand the first time and on the rock the second time. Vaibhav replies that one should write the bad experiences in the sand so that winds of forgiveness erase them, while the good experiences should be set in stone so that no wind can erase them.

Points of discussion

• What do you think would happen if Vaibhav slapped Pranav back?
• Why did they start fighting in the first place? Point out that tiredness, hunger, and thirst can play tricks with the mind.

Ask your child to point out some good deeds their friend has done for them.