Parenting

My younger daughter is 6 years old. I feel that she lacks confidence and needs a lot of attention. I have heard her say, “Mummy thinks I can’t do anything well.” She is a fussy eater, she gets scared even if something hurts a little, or a doctor examining

Answered by Team ParentCircle

Dear Parent,

This response by your daughter, “Mummy thinks I can’t do anything well,” is very significant! It speaks of her belief in your confidence in her, and that’s the key to her confidence. Let me ask you something—how do you encourage her to pursue her interests? How do you praise her when she does something well?

1. Focus on your relationship with her, which is a most crucial source of support, security, and connection for her. The more you display genuine confidence in her abilities, the more you’ll talk to her like she is the most wonderful and kind little girl, the more she’ll believe these things about herself.
2. Encourage her to pursue whatever activities she shows interest in. Don’t push her, but give her a gentle nudge time and again. If she displays resistance to doing something or is unable to do something well, talk to her about her feelings. You could ask, “How did you feel when you came in last in swimming?” Focus on her effort, rather than the outcome. You could say, “It was very courageous of you to try,” rather than saying, “Don’t feel bad about coming in last.”
3. Avoid giving false praise. Kids can very easily discern when we are being truthful and when not.
4. Help her focus on her strengths. Talk to her about what she likes about herself. Use everyday situations to point out good qualities in her. In some families, I recommend spelling out the child’s name and brainstorming one positive quality with each letter and sticking this up on the fridge for everyone to see.
5. When she gets scared of what seems trivial to you, acknowledge her fear. No, she won’t feel more scared if you acknowledge her fear, instead, it will help her calm down. You could say something like, “I saw your friend push you in the playground. How did that make you feel?” Talk to her about different situations and what other children might feel about them. What can she do to find assurance and security? Could she come and tell a trusted adult (such as a teacher or you)? Could she tell her friend not to push her (thereby standing up for herself)? Could she pause from the game for a few minutes and return when she feels better? Empower her to try different options that help her feel in control.

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