Children's Personality Development: The 5 Stages

The baby's brain at birth is one-fourth the size of an average adult brain. However, it doubles in size in the first year and grows to nearly 90% by the age of five. A newborn has all the brain cells (called neurons) that they will have for the rest of their life. But connections between these neurons (called synapses) are what make the brain work, and this 'wiring', or connection, develops at a rapid pace in the first five years through the baby's interactions with his environment.

The way a baby's brain gets wired determines their beliefs, values, emotions, thoughts, and behavior, which, in a nutshell, is their personality. While genetics (that defines temperament and physiology) plays a significant role, the quality of a child's experiences in the first few years of life also helps shape their personality. These experiences, therefore, have a lasting impact on a child's health, happiness, and ability to learn and succeed in life.

Sigmund Freud, the famous psychoanalyst, explained in detail the importance of the first five years in the formation of an individual's personality. His student Erik Erikson outlined eight stages of human personality development, of which three stages happen to take place in the first five years. At every stage, the child needs to deal with and successfully overcome an existential crisis to facilitate the formation of a well-rounded personality. Let's look at each of these stages of psycho-social development defined by Erik Erikson and how they shape a child's personality.

1. Infancy: (0 - 18 months)

This is the age of trust versus mistrust. An infant's basic need is nourishment. A parent/caregiver anticipating and fulfilling the baby's needs promptly helps them learn to trust others, creates the building blocks for their self-confidence, and helps the infant blossom into a happy toddler. However, when the parent/caregiver does not respond to the baby's needs with love and care, it makes the baby feel anxious and fills them with doubt and mistrust.

So, a parent/caregiver must respond warmly to the baby and promptly attend to their needs at all times.

2. Early childhood: (18 months - 3 years)

The second stage of psycho-social development is autonomy versus doubt or shame. The child is ready to explore the environment independently as their nervous system and motor skills develop markedly by this time, even though their judgment is still a work in progress. At this stage, the child must be observed and guided as needed. Allowing a child to have a say in making decisions related to them will increase their confidence and independence. However, 'helicopter parenting' or not allowing age-appropriate freedom to do things on their own can dent the child's confidence and fill them with a sense of self-doubt.

A safe middle path for the parent is to be attentive and involved, and guide the child as and when required. Let the toddler experience guided exploration and develop their judgment.

3. Middle childhood: (3 - 5 years)

The third stage of psycho-social development is initiative versus guilt. During this time, a child learns to function independently. They become more assertive and are eager to explore more and try out new things. The child also tries to establish relationships with other children and do things together. Doing these things fosters a sense of initiative and self-confidence in a child. It also helps the child channel their energy constructively and makes them experience a sense of happy engagement.

Either criticizing a child's initiatives or not allowing them to take up initiatives (assuming you are protecting the child) can stifle their development and prevent them from completing the third stage. This can fill the child with a sense of guilt.

4. Late childhood: (5-12 years)

Industry versus inferiority is the fourth stage of psycho-social development. As the child's attention span and strength increase, they want to acquire new skills. They begin comparing themself with others to understand where they stand. They are filled with a sense of pride in accomplishing a task. At this stage, if a child is made to feel competent, they will showcase further industrious behavior and strive to achieve the goals set for them.

But if industriousness is not encouraged, the child may begin to develop an inferiority complex and self-doubt. This can prevent them from realizing their true potential.

5. Adolescence: (12 - 18 yrs)

The fifth stage of psycho-social development is identity vs confusion. During this phase, teens try to find their place in society as well as their identity. They seek greater independence and develop their outlook towards life. They try to find the role they would play in the family, in the professional arena, and society.

To successfully pass through this stage, teens need the support and encouragement of their parents and peers.

The early years are the most crucial time for a child's brain to develop the connections they would need to be healthy, happy, responsible, capable, and successful. However, at every stage, what a child needs is a lot of love, responsiveness, guidance, understanding, and time from all those around them, especially their parents and caregivers. So, go ahead and make these years count for your child!