How To Teach Your Child Responsibility: Simple Everyday Habits That Make A Difference

It was time for his favourite TV show, and Hari rushed with a glass of milk in hand to switch on the TV. In the process, he spilled some milk on the floor. Without paying any attention to the mess he had created, he switched on the TV and started enjoying his show.

Radha, his mother, watching all this, raised her voice and told him, "Hari, take the mop and clean the milk you spilled on the floor."

"But, mama, it's the job of the housemaid to clean the house. Ask her to do it," Hari replied nonchalantly.  

There was still time for the maid to arrive. For a moment, Radha looked in frustration at her little one. Then, without saying a word, she picked up the mop and started cleaning the mess herself.

Incidents like this are common in a lot of families.  Why do you think Hari acted in such an irresponsible manner? Do you think what Radha did was right? Are you doing the right things to ensure that your child does not act like Hari?

Having pondered on these questions, let's try and understand what makes children shun responsibility. Also, let us explore ways of inculcating responsibility in them, or turning the ship around, as in the case of Hari.

What is responsibility?

The Oxford Learner's Dictionary defines responsibility as "a duty to deal with or take care of somebody/something." According to the extract of the article, 'Personal Responsibility', written by P. Alex Linley and John Maltby and published in The Encyclopedia of Positive Psychology (2009), "Personal responsibility is concerned with people taking individual accountability for their decisions and actions, together with the outcomes they create and their impacts on others."

When it comes to children, a sense of responsibility would include exhibiting the following qualities:

• Trying to contribute as a family member
• Honouring commitments
• Putting in the best effort
• Being dependable
• Accepting the blame for wrongdoing.

What makes children irresponsible?

Human babies are born helpless and depend on parents or caregivers for survival. But as they grow, babies must gradually begin to learn various life skills under the loving and watchful eyes of their parents.

However, some parents tend to go overboard with their love and affection. They try to do everything for their child instead of teaching them age-appropriate life skills like grooming, taking care of their belongings, and doing simple chores. This deprives the child of a chance to gain experience, learn, and contribute constructively, and prevents them from learning to be responsible.

Also, children are born without a sense of responsibility. As a result, they only want to do things that seem exciting, and do them whenever they feel like they want to. Chores like clearing the plate, packing the bag, and making the bed seem boring and unpleasant to children. They try to come up with excuses to avoid doing them. Failing to encourage or motivate children to learn and do age-appropriate tasks on their own can turn them into irresponsible individuals.

Habits of children who evade or eschew responsibility

• Bossy
• Unhelpful
• Throw tantrums
• Demanding and lacking gratitude
• Force their parents to give in
• Unwilling to accept 'No' for an answer
• Do not hold themselves accountable for their actions

How can we raise children to be responsible?

1. Explain responsibility and consequences: Use simple words and examples to explain responsibility. For example, doing their self-care routines without being told is a responsibility. Explain that responsibility and consequences go hand in hand. For example, watering the plants is your child's responsibility. If the plants are watered regularly, they remain healthy, and everyone is happy. If the responsibility is neglected, the plants will wilt, and everyone will feel disappointed.
2. Identify responsibilities: Make a list of age-appropriate tasks that you want your child to learn, like putting away their toys, placing their plate in the sink after eating, switching off the lights and fans while going out of the room. Then, begin by doing these chores together so they learn the routines. Also, use positive and kind words to reinforce the sense of responsibility in your child. For example, "We always keep our plates in the sink after we finish eating."
3. Motivate your child to think: You can prompt your child by asking questions like, "What do you need to do next?" or "What would you do after you are through with what you are doing?" After some time, you will find them managing everything on their own, without you urging them.
4. Create opportunities: Most children love being around their parents and helping them. So, give your child as many opportunities as possible to contribute. You will see that, over time, not only does your child begin handling more responsibilities, but also develops a sense of empathy and willingness to help others.
5. Encourage problem-solving skills: As your child takes up new responsibilities, they are bound to make mistakes. Encourage them to find a solution and set things right, but at the same time, be available to help them as and when they need it.
6. Be a good role model: Young children idealise their parents and follow in their footsteps. So, while you may love your child mimicking your actions, also remember that it places an enormous responsibility on your shoulders. To make your child learn responsibility, ensure that what you say and do reflects what it means to be responsible.

It takes a great deal of patience and effort to inculcate good values in a child. However, instead of feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility at hand, take it one step at a time, and you will find that all of them have added up to make a huge difference.