Better Listening Builds Healthier Relationships: 6 Ways To Become A Good Listener To Your Children

In ancient Indian culture as well as in other civilizations around the world, the ability to listen carefully was considered extremely important. It was a prized skill, as information and knowledge were passed on orally from one generation to the next. But active listening isn't only about acquiring information. In fact, it is critical for engaging in meaningful two-way communication, which includes receiving and evaluating information, both said and unsaid.

D Renukadevi published an article titled, 'The Role of Listening in Language Acquisition; the Challenges & Strategies in Teaching Listening', in the International Journal of Education and Information Studies (2014). In her study, she says, "Listening is the most significant part of communication as it is pivotal in providing a substantial and meaningful response. Especially in learning a language for communicative purposes, listening plays a vital role. It helps the language learner to acquire pronunciation, word stress, vocabulary, and syntax. The comprehension of messages conveyed can be based solely on tone of voice, pitch and accent; and it is only possible when we listen."

As far as parents are concerned, good listening skills can help them understand or decode what their child is unable to express either due to the lack of language skills or an unwillingness to open up.

There are numerous advantages of active listening. Wouldn't you also want to become a good listener? Read on to know how you can become better at listening.

Active listening helps you:

• Encourage your child to open up
• Gain in-depth information
• Understand your child's experiences
• Problem-solve and resolve disagreements
• Show respect for your child
• Build and strengthen your relationship

Factors that prevent active listening

While there are many factors that can make one a poor listener, some of the common ones are:

• Preoccupation: If you are concerned with some other thought(s) during an interaction with your child, it makes her feel unimportant and unheard.
• Multitasking: Doing a task while carrying on a conversation can distract your attention, leaving your child frustrated and disappointed.
• Prejudgment: The habit of prejudging can block you from being objective about what your child is telling you.
• Distractions/disruptions: Frequent interruptions during a conversation can make your child feel neglected and cause him to shut down.
• Lack of self-care: Poor health and fatigue make you feel tired and weak, and interfere with your focus and attention.

Poor listening can lead to:

• Wrong judgment: Active listening involves focusing on your child and gathering information to understand the situation.  With poor listening skills, you could misunderstand or misjudge the facts.
• Faulty prioritization: You could jump to wrong conclusions based on limited information and you may miss out on the real issues your child is trying to make you understand.
• Loss of trust: Your child expects you to understand and support him. You can be supportive of your child only when you know the details and fully understand what's going on with your child.

How to become a better listener

1. Pay attention: When it comes to children, one of the objectives of listening is to gather maximum information by hearing out your child. So, brush aside distractions and listen with rapt attention to what he says.
2. Listen with an open mind: Avoid prejudging or trying to anticipate what your child is going to say. Allow the conversation to end and then draw the conclusion based on what he has said.
3. Show empathy: Try to understand things from the perspective of your child by putting yourself in his shoes. Also, put forth your opinion or response in a respectful manner.
4. Be responsive: Nodding, smiling, keeping eye contact, maintaining proper body posture, and uttering verbal cues are a few ways of making your child understand that you are interested.
5. Question and clarify: Ask relevant questions to clear any doubts and to ensure that you have understood exactly what your child was trying to tell you.
6. Practice: Remember the old adage, 'Practice makes a man perfect'. Like all other skills, becoming a better listener also requires putting in effort and constant practice.

While we are all born with the ability to listen, honing the skill requires conscious effort. And, now that you know all about the benefits of listening and how to become a good listener, why not set yourself on the path to becoming a better listener.