What Not To Say To Your Child On Board Exam Results Day: How Parents Can Support Instead

Board exam results trigger strong emotions in families

The Class 12 board exam season is a time of high emotions for students and parents alike. As results day approaches or even shortly after they’re announced, families often find themselves navigating a mix of emotions—joy, relief, anxiety, and sometimes, disappointment.

Disappointment could stem from:

• Failure to clear the exams
• Under-performance (or should we say over-expectations?)

In this situation, parents need to handle the situation calmly. The last thing they should do is to push the already 'down' child into further depression.

The impact of parental pressure on students’ academic stress

A study titled 'Academic Stress, Parental Pressure, Anxiety and Mental Health among Indian High School Students' authored by Deb et al, was published in the International Journal of Psychology and Behavioral Sciences in 2015. According to the study, the academic stress Indian children faced was directly related to the parental pressure put on them. The study states, "Nearly two-thirds (63.5 per cent) of the students reported stress due to academic pressure, with no significant differences across gender, age, grade, and several other personal factors. About two-thirds (66 per cent) of the students reported feeling pressure from their parents for better academic performance."

10 things parents should never say after exam results

In trying to cope with their own disappointment and frustration, parents say unhelpful things to their children.

1. "If only you had worked a little harder". 

This statement tells your child that you do not value the effort they have already put in. It can make them feel that no matter what they do, it will never be good enough for you. Over time, they may believe they will never meet your expectations and feel demotivated to do their best.

2. "What future can you have with these marks?" 

You must motivate your child to work harder and aim higher. They need to learn how to move on, despite setbacks. Painting a bleak future for them will only depress them, and they may come to believe that they are incapable of achieving anything good in their life.

3. "This is because of the company you keep". 

Yes, it is important to keep your children away from bad influences, but you must also remember that every child's ability to learn and process information is different. A child who studies for just two hours a day can score more than someone who studies six hours a day. So, if your child is friends with a topper, it does not mean they will automatically start scoring better. The company your child keeps matters, but it does not necessarily determine their academic success.

4. "This is what happens when you are addicted to the Internet." 

Don't blame the Internet for everything. It is a worrying problem, but if used constructively, the Internet is a limitless resource for useful information. Find out the problems your child is facing in studies rather than portraying the Net as a monster that needs to be slayed.

5. "You know we can't afford donations to seek admission." 

This statement could make your child feel like a liability to you and may hurt their self-esteem. Instead, reassure them that when they face setbacks or even failure, they can achieve great things in life if they set their mind to it. A setback should not become the yardstick by which all their performances are measured in the future.

6. How come your friends scored more marks?" 

Comparisons don't improve your child's grades or help them perform better. These statements will only make them hate themselves and feel inferior to their friends. They may begin resenting their friends and end up feeling lonely.

7. "You should be ashamed of yourself!" 

If your child has performed poorly, they are probably already blaming themselves. You do not need to add to their guilt. It conveys that you are also ashamed of them, thus adding to their emotional stress.

8. "You are a failure!" 

This is probably the last thing your child wants to hear you say. When you make such a definitive statement, they may begin to see themself as a failure. It may also make it difficult for them to move past the image you have inadvertently created of them.

9. "Is this why I pay so much for your tuition?" 

Don't be surprised if your child turns around and says, "I never asked you to!" When you blame them for your decisions, they are bound to feel resentful. Instead, focus on their performance and calmly ask them to think about what led to their poor results. Also, discuss with them how you can help them improve their scores next year.

10. "How will I face society now?" 

When you say something like this to your child, whether it’s about academics or anything else, it sends a message that societal approval matters more to you than their well-being and happiness. Instead of letting judgment or disappointment take over, choose to support them with empathy. Encouragement and belief in their efforts will always help them grow and achieve more in the long run.

How parents could respond to their child’s poor results

Arundhati Swamy, Head of Parent Engagement Programs at ParentCircle, shares the following tips.

Take time to manage your own emotions first

It's natural to feel disappointed, frustrated, and even angry when your child's results are disappointing. It's difficult to hide the overwhelming emotions, so it's best to allow yourselves to feel them. However, give yourself a time-out to calm down, and do whatever works for you. This will prevent you from having an emotional outburst in front of your child.

Be honest about your feelings without blaming

It's alright to share your disappointment with your child about their performance. If you deny feeling disappointed, they will know you are pretending, and that will cause them more distress.

Give your child space, but remain emotionally available

Give your child some space and time to deal with the situation and their emotions. At the same time, be alert and respond to any indication that they need to talk or be comforted.

Focus on solutions rather than blame

Avoid the blame game with your child, the school, and the system. Once things settle down, evaluate what you can do differently to support them to do better next time. Bringing up old stories and dishing out advice will not help. Ask them how you can help and support them. Look ahead while learning from the recent experience.

Reassure your child of your love and support

State your expectations clearly and see whether they align with your child's expectations. More importantly, let them know that you still love them, no matter what.

Avoid punishments that remove healthy outlets

Do not withdraw your child's extra-curricular activities as a punishment. Instead, help them plan their time effectively.

Encourage responsibility and future planning

Do not take full responsibility for what happened, as it will absolve your child of any self-responsibility. Instead, help them evaluate what went wrong and create an improvement action plan.

If your child has failed in a subject they like, they will feel shocked and disappointed. If it's a subject they dislike, they might feel indifferent to the results and want to give up. Depending on the situation, help them deal with their feelings in the following manner:

Allow your child to express their feelings

Acknowledge whatever your child is feeling. Listen quietly to all that they have to say. Venting is a good emotional release.

Help them analyse what went wrong

If your child has failed in a subject they like, help them discover what went wrong. Was it overconfidence or other factors?

Be patient if the subject was already disliked

If your child has failed in a subject they dislike, their protests will last longer. Be patient and wait for them to calm down before talking about what needs to be done.

Focus on small improvements and realistic goals

Ask your child what extra support they need, and focus on gradual improvements with small, achievable goals. Set realistic targets.

Why your response to exam results matters most

What you say and how you react to your child's achievements and failures have a huge impact on their self-esteem and future success. So, unite as a team to help them grow confident and not be afraid of failure.

Checklist: How to support your child after disappointing exam results

• Take time to calm your own emotions before reacting

• Avoid blaming, shaming, or comparing your child with others

• Listen patiently and allow your child to express their feelings

• Acknowledge disappointment while remaining supportive

• Focus on what can be improved rather than what went wrong

• Work with your child to create a realistic improvement plan

• Encourage healthy routines, hobbies, and extracurricular activities

• Avoid making exam results the sole measure of success

• Reassure your child that your love and support remain unchanged

• Help your child see setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow

Last updated on: March 11, 2026