Holding his report card, Ravi stood outside his house trying to figure out what his mother would be doing. He then tried to tiptoe into the house and go to his room. However, his mother spotted him and called out to him. She took the report card and started going through it. The poor marks that Ravi had scored made his mother very angry. She crumpled the report card and slapped Ravi hard. 

When a child fails in exams, along with the child, the parents also feel extremely upset and sad. In this state of emotional turmoil, without considering the reasons for failure, which may not necessarily be due to the child's lackadaisical attitude, parents sometimes resort to actions that may be wrong, just as Ravi's mother did.

Let's look at five things you should never do after your child has failed the exams:

1. Do not lay the blame on the child: No sooner do parents come to know that their child has failed in the exam than they start blaming them for their poor performance. Fingers are pointed at every habit of the child, like getting up a little late in the morning, playing a few minutes beyond the sunset, or spending a little extra time in front of the TV. The child's failure is attributed to all these factors.

No child prepares for an exam with the intention of failing. Like adults, children also need some entertainment and me-time for themselves. Blaming a child can fill them with a sense of shame and emotional distress.

2. Do not resort to hitting: Some parents are so upset and enraged by the news of their child's failure that they can't prevent themselves from picking up the rod. In anger, they beat the child black and blue. In fact, some parents beat their children at the slightest provocation.

While young children may not understand the impact of failing in exams, grown-up children resent being touched against their wishes. Hitting not only causes physical injuries and emotional scars but also reinforces to the child that it is okay to use force when someone makes a mistake.

3. Do not make comparisons: When a child fails in exams, parents often resort to comparing the child with their peers or other high achievers. They tell them how ashamed they are of their poor performance and how, by failing, they have dashed the hopes they had pinned on them.

Comparing and belittling a child lowers their self-esteem and self-worth, and makes them feel unwanted. If comparing the child becomes a parent's habit, it can lead to the child becoming indifferent and distancing themselves from their parents.

4. Do not label the child: After a child fails in the exam or proves incapable of securing good marks, some parents often label their child as 'good-for-nothing' or 'stupid' or an 'idiot'. They make statements like, "Why are we wasting so much money on you?" or "If you had been friends with good students, things wouldn't have come to this."

Over time, when parents resort to using such words, a child starts believing what the parents are saying and begins viewing themselves as such.

5. Do not stop talking to the child: Parents and family members of grown-up children often refuse to talk or engage with them after they have failed the exam. They order the child to stay in their room, cutting them off from themselves and the outside world.

Think of yourself - if you failed a project, would you want your boss to yell at you or talk gently to you? Similarly, when a child fails, they also feel upset about the failure. It is very important that parents understand that their child is feeling low, so be gentle with them and encourage and motivate them to perform better. Tell them to focus on future performance and not on past failure. Shouting and screaming at the child is counterproductive and removes the child's motivation to study. Parents keen on improving their child's performance should involve themselves in the child's studies to enable them to perform well. - Dr Ravi Samuel. 

Children who have failed in their exams need the support of their parents to overcome the crisis and the disappointment they are going through. Leaving a child to be on their own can make them feel depressed and unwanted. In severe cases, it might also prompt the child to consider or engage in self-harm.

So, stand by your child and try to limit failure's emotional and psychological impact on them. This is the time when they need you the most - to comfort them and help them get past the failure. Talk to them and help them analyze the reasons behind their failures so that they learn from the experience and prepare to improve and do better the next time.