Teaching Children Gender Respect: How Parents Can Challenge Bias Early At Home

Issues related to sexism and gender discrimination, prevalent worldwide, are increasingly being brought to our attention, especially by the media. As with other societies, Indian society too has firmly established attitudes towards gender-specific expectations. Parents can play a vital role in changing this trend. But to do this, you need to understand when gender realisation and bias start taking root in a child's psyche. You will be surprised to know that children as young as three start identifying themselves as male or female, and by the age of five are relatively certain of their gender identity. Therefore, you must start showing your boys and girls early on how to respect each other.

When do children develop gender identity and bias?

Are gender behaviours learned or biological?

While it is commonly assumed that biological sex determines behavior, scientists tend to differentiate inherited genetic traits from learned gender roles. There is yet no clarity on which behavioral traits are inherited and which are learned, but it is clear that what we learn from our parents and others influences our future behavior. For example, if we identify boys with being 'strong', they will see that as a male trait that they should demonstrate. Similarly, when we show girls care and nurturing, we help them understand that these are the qualities that are valued in them. Therefore, with the right upbringing, children of either gender can grow up into strong, caring, nurturing, and well-rounded individuals with a unique gender identity.

How everyday gender roles shape children’s thinking

It is common to find parents treating boys and girls differently from infancy. Caregivers tend to play roughly with baby boys as compared with baby girls. Girls are encouraged to be more considerate and compassionate, whereas boys are allowed to express aggression. The statement 'boys will be boys' highlights society's acceptance of aggressive or destructive behaviours in boys but not in girls. This bias even extends to the toys girls and boys receive. While boys are given construction equipment and cars, girls are given dolls and stuffed animals. Even in pretend-play games, little boys are encouraged to roughhouse while girls are prompted to play the roles of princesses waiting for their princes. As a result of such gender-specific play choices, boys who choose to play with dolls are laughed at. Even the girls' section in a toy store is often clearly demarcated to make sure there is no mistake.

Children observe these early on and learn that there are socially acceptable ways for them to conform to traditional gender-specific roles.

How parents unknowingly teach gender attitudes

Parents inadvertently teach children through their actions and behaviours. Children form ideas about gender roles and identities by observing adults around them. The way parents speak to each other and the roles they play at home significantly influence the attitudes of children. For instance, if a boy consistently observes his father mistreating his mother, he is likely to believe that such behavior is acceptable; so, not only will he treat his mother similarly, but also other women in his life.

Every child is born with both masculine and feminine qualities. However, when we push children to focus on only a few qualities, we end up suppressing other important aspects of their personality. This inhibits their natural all-around development. As a result, they grow up to disrespect those who exhibit qualities they think are unimportant, particularly in a world where masculine qualities are considered 'superior' or 'worthier'.

How parents can raise gender-respectful children

So how can we ensure that children grow up with a healthy attitude towards members of the opposite gender? Here are some tips.

1. Change starts with parents’ own beliefs

To change children's perceptions about gender, we need to examine our own attitudes and those of other adults who regularly spend time with our children. Adults must show equal respect towards the roles of all individuals in the house. Even if the father is the breadwinner and the mother is the homemaker, their contributions can be equally appreciated. Statements like "Don't bother your father, he worked hard all day" imply that household tasks such as cooking, cleaning, etc., performed by the mother, are not important. Fathers also influence children through their actions. By helping with household chores, they can teach children that roles are not gender-dependent and that each task is equally important.

2. What children’s play reveals about gender learning

By observing them at play, we can see how they perceive gender. For instance, by watching children role-play different family members, we can see what they are learning about various gender roles.

3. The impact of everyday language on self-image

We must be mindful of the messages we pass on to our children. If we often tell a little girl that she looks beautiful, she may begin to focus excessively on improving her looks and draw her sense of self-worth from her physical appearance. Especially around puberty, girls are sensitive towards both positive and negative reinforcements about their appearance. If we discourage young boys by saying that emotions are a sign of weakness, they will learn to suppress their emotions.  So, remember that the feedback or compliments our children receive from us affects the way their personalities develop.

4. Managing media messages around gender

Media and popular children's literature reinforce gender stereotypes that are already prevalent in society. Most popular fairy tales propagate the perception that a 'damsel in distress' is always rescued by the 'knight in shining armour'. Similarly, superhero movies focus on men as strong and virtuous beings. Although it is impossible to completely prevent such content from influencing children, we can help them process these messages through discussion or play. Controlling what our children read or watch can help prevent them from conforming to rigid gender stereotypes.

5. Encouraging ambition beyond gender expectations

Often, girls hear remarks such as, "It's ok if they don't earn money, they can get married." Such comments affect both girls and boys as they grow up with the wrong set of beliefs. While girls are made to believe that dependence is okay, boys are burdened with the expectation of being the sole breadwinners of their families. Parents should refrain from placing gender-based expectations on children and instead encourage boys and girls to explore their interests and all possible career options.

Building gender respect at home

• Model equality in daily roles and responsibilities

• Avoid gender-based praise or restrictions

• Encourage emotional expression in both boys and girls

• Question stereotypes together—ask “why?”

• Support interests and careers without gender limits

These tips can help you instill in your children respect for everyone, irrespective of their gender.

Last updated on: December 30, 2025