Learning

Dealing With Disappointment

Answered by Team ParentCircle

My daughter is 14 years old and very good at academics. However, despite working hard to improve her Math, she is not getting good results. How can I help my child?

Dear Parent,

It must be quite disappointing to see your daughter not doing well in maths even after putting in so much effort. In much of what our children (and we) do, we are motivated by the outcomes or the results. However, research shows that it is the focus on effort (and not the result) that really keeps us motivated. This focus on hard work and effort (called the growth mindset) in fact leads to increased motivation and achievement. In order to be able to inculcate this growth mindset in your daughter, try to praise her efforts and her hard work, telling her that’s what is in her control. The marks are never in her control. In fact, when hard work and effort are praised, your child is more likely to take on challenges and keep trying. Teach your daughter to accept her mistakes as learning opportunities, instead of seeing them as loss of marks. When she does well, instead of saying “You’re so smart” or “That was tough - so glad you don’t have to do it again”, say things like “I can see you worked so hard on this” and “That was really hard. Your effort has paid off. Next time you’ll be ready for this kind of challenge!” Tell your child that when she takes up challenges, her brain grows, forming new connections that enable learning —knowing that her brain physically changes in proportion to her efforts is extremely motivating for your child.

I am not sure what you mean by ‘favorable results’ but having realistic expectations of your child based on her abilities is important. While we would love that our children excel in all subjects, the truth is that they may have the lesser ability in some subjects. Help your child do the best she can in Maths, even though her best may not match up to your expectations.

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