How To Answer Children’s Tricky Questions With Age-Appropriate Explanations:Tips From Experts

For this particular question, you can also show him a 3D map of the Earth and show that even the ocean has a floor and the whole Earth is not just filled with water.

 Answered by Padma Srinath, child development expert and educationist 

Q: "Mom, why can’t I kiss you on the lips like lovers do? I love you. So why don't you like it?" How should I answer my 8-year-old daughter? 

A: Your daughter may feel that kissing on the lips signifies 'more love'. Perhaps she got this idea from a movie where a couple kiss on the mouth to express their deep love. Using that logic, she naturally feels that since she loves you SO MUCH, she wants to show it by kissing you on the lips.

In India, by and large, kissing a child on the lips is not the cultural norm, and hence the feeling of discomfort. So explain to her that love is expressed in different ways, depending on the kind of relationship.

Assure your child that kissing on the lips does not mean that the degree of love is greater. Make a conscious decision that with her, instead of kissing on the lips, you both can hug each other and kiss on the cheek/forehead. Children thrive on physical touch from a parent as it provides a sense of comfort and security, so make sure there are enough hugs to go around!

Aparna Samuel Balasundaram, psychotherapist and parenting expert

Q. The question I dread to hear my children ask is, 'What do you mean by sex?"  

A: This is one of the toughest questions parents face.

For a 5-year-old child: 

• First, you need to find out where she heard about it. You can start the conversation by saying, "Oh wow, you seem to be learning a new word every day, so where did you get to learn this word?"
• It may be as simple as explaining that when we say 'sex of a person', it labels the person as a 'boy' or a 'girl'.
• Otherwise, you can talk to the child about their body. When it comes to the sexual organs, you can tell her that anything related to these private parts is called sex.
• You can also talk to them about the 3 types of touches: safe, unsafe, and confusing, and if ever they experience an unsafe or confusing touch, they have to tell you about it.

For a 10-year-old:

Today's 10-year-olds have access to a lot of information. By this age, they may have seen a few videos about the topic. To them, you can talk about the intimate ways in which people express their love and how, as people grow older, there are different ways to express this intimacy.

For a 13-year-old: 

Have conversations based on their processing abilities. Find out how much they already know and their sources of information. Teach them to differentiate healthy from unhealthy, and normal from abnormal.  Above all, approach your child's questions calmly, without embarrassment, so your child feels safe coming to you.

Arundhati Swamy, family counselor

 Q. 'Where has Grandma gone?' How can I explain the phenomenon of death in a way that my child comes to terms with it? 

Explaining death is emotionally challenging for both parents and children.

For a 5-year-old: 

When I have to explain death to a young child, I relate the ant story:

"When an ant dies, four to five ants respectfully carry the dead ant to a suitable place, and they pay their homage. In the same way, we are paying our respect to grandma by giving her a decent burial because we all loved her dearly. We have gathered here like ants to pay our homage."

For a child who is over 10 years old:

If it is the expected death of an ailing person, children accept it. But in the case of an untimely loss of say, a sibling, the grief is far more intense. The child would never have imagined her life without her sibling. She wonders in her mind, or cries aloud, "Why do I have to be the one to lose my brother?" So, parents need to be mindful of the surviving child's feelings. They can gently speak along these lines, "I understand that this is very difficult for all of us. We know that this is a permanent loss, and it will take some time for us to accept this fact. But if you observe life, it is always changing, and we are a part of it. Every minute, we need to engage ourselves fruitfully to make the best of it, however difficult it is. We have to be courageous. We are glad we have you." This may comfort the child to some extent.

Dr S Yamuna, consultant paediatrician and adolescent physician

Q. When my child says, "I don't think God exists. I cannot see him or feel him." How can I explain the presence of God to her?  

A.1: Through stories

Tell your child stories. Depending on her maturity, you will have to tell her stories that talk about how God-revelation happened, or how the power of God was experienced. Our mythology abounds with stories. Prahlada and Dhruva are 'child-heroes' who managed to see God, but after great effort. Bring home to him that nothing is possible without effort, but with effort, anything can be done, including experiencing God. You can also tell folk stories, like this one:

"There was a young king who did not believe in God. The king told his minister that if he could answer his questions, he would start believing in God. As the minister was despairing, his cook volunteered to provide the answers on his behalf.

The king was sitting on a silver throne and offered a small stool to the cook. The cook said that in accordance with tradition, the teacher should sit at a higher level than the student. Therefore, the king needed to sit on the stool, while the cook had to sit on the throne. The king didn't like it but agreed.

The cook then asked one of the soldiers to get a black cow, feed it grass, and get milk from it. The cook then asked the king, "How can a black cow eating green grass produce white milk? Have you practised any magic?" When the king shook his head, the cook responded: "There are many things in this world that we have not created - milk, cows, ocean, sun, moon and earth. There must be a Higher Power that has created them. That is God."

"What does He do?" asked the king. The cook said, "You are the mighty king, and you are sitting on a stool, whereas I am just your minister's cook, and I am sitting on a silver throne. You would never have imagined this, yet it is happening. Who is making this possible? The supreme God!" The king was satisfied with the answers."

Rukmani Jayaraman is a self-help consultant and honorary consultant for TTK Hospital 

A.2: Through reasoning

Young children are concrete thinkers who need to perceive through their senses to understand. Abstract and analytical thinking develops in children only after the age of 12 years. 'God' is an abstract concept that even we adults have a difficult time grasping. It therefore helps to explain this concept through a concrete analogy.

Our ancient philosophers have often used the analogy of the ocean and waves to explain 'God'.

Have your child imagine that she is a little wave in a large ocean, surrounded by lots of waves of all sizes. Can she see the large ocean? Is she a part of the ocean? Where does she get the extra water and power from to become a bigger wave?

Allow her to think and answer these questions on her own. Now explain to her that we, the people, are like the waves and the ocean is like God. We are all part of God, even though we cannot see God, and God gives us the energy and power to accomplish all our endeavours.

Children and even most adults pray without any questioning, blindly following the people they look up to. The very fact that your child is asking such deep questions shows that she is really trying to make sense of the world around her. Encourage such questioning, instead of admonishing her as an atheist. Such questioning eventually deepens her understanding and devotion to God.

 Anusha Ram is a mother of teens and is interested in Vedanta

Parenting takeaway

Children’s questions, no matter how tough, are a window into their curiosity, emotions, and values. By answering with patience, love, and honesty, you build trust and strengthen your bond with your child.

Encourage their curiosity, and remember that it’s okay not to know all the answers immediately. What truly matters is that you explore the truth together.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. How do I answer my child’s difficult questions without feeling embarrassed?
Acknowledge the question warmly, thank your child for asking, and respond honestly at their level of understanding. If you don’t know the answer, explore it together.

2. How do I explain sex to my child in an age-appropriate way?
For young children (5–7 years), explain sex simply as the difference between boys and girls. For older children (10–13 years), gradually introduce the concept of intimacy, healthy relationships, and boundaries.

3. How can I explain death to a child without frightening them?
Use simple language and relatable stories (like stars, nature, or animals). Reassure your child that grief is normal, and provide comfort through love, hugs, and open conversation.

4. What should I say if my child questions God’s existence?
Respect their curiosity. Use stories, analogies (like waves in the ocean), or reasoning to explain that God is a higher power beyond what we can see. Encourage them to keep asking questions.

5. Why is it important to answer children’s tough questions?
Answering honestly builds trust, encourages curiosity, and helps children develop healthy ways of thinking about complex topics like love, death, and faith.

Uncover the reasons behind your child's endless questions and how to respond effectively. Learn Why Your Child Asks "Why" Questions.

Last updated on: September 18, 2025