Why Expressing Emotions Is Healthy for Your Child’s Growth and Emotional Well-Being

When children express their feelings openly, they learn to cope better, connect with others, and grow into more confident, resilient individuals. Helping your child talk about emotions is one of the best gifts you can give them.

When a child experiences strong emotions, they feel them in their body as physical aches, pains, illnesses, or discomfort, just as it is for adults.

The typical physical responses to strong negative emotions reported by children are:

• Tense muscles, clenched jaw, pounding head, and rapid breathing when angry
• Sweating, trembling, and shallow breathing when frightened or nervous
• Throat pain, nausea, or stomach problems when sad or disappointed

These are just a few examples of how emotions manifest in the physical realm. Research has shown a definite connection between some serious health conditions and a prolonged inability to express certain negative feelings. In some circles, these are likened to an implosion, where the unexpressed negative feelings cause an internal explosion, resulting in outward health difficulties like strokes, heart attacks, high blood pressure, etc.

How a young child deals with emotions

A very young child often does not have the gift of language. Even an older child is sometimes not very articulate and therefore unable to verbalise their feelings. At such times, they may handle their intense feelings in the following ways:

• Crying, screaming, or acting-out behaviours
• Withdrawal, sulking, and isolation
• Binge eating
• Temper tantrums

As adults, if we focus only on the outward behaviours and force the child to fall in line with our expectations, we might end up depriving them of an opportunity to express their emotions. That is not to say we must tolerate misbehaviour. Rather, if we look at these unacceptable behaviours as symptoms of a deeper underlying emotional need, we might be in a better position to facilitate healthier ways of expression, thereby alleviating their distress without having to deal with difficult behaviours.

Why emotional expression matters for children

Unexpressed negative emotions tend to remain pent-up inside a child's mind, thereby making them highly wound up and irritable. Over time, this irritability becomes a part of their personality, and eventually escalates to frustration and anger. Again, as they keep it locked inside, the anger in the system keeps building up pressure inside the body slowly, but surely. When a child is angry, their body releases adrenaline, which remains in their system constantly, thereby disturbing the balance of chemicals in their bloodstream. In the long run, chemicals like Acetylcholine, which is associated with anger, weaken the heart and cause health concerns.

In the same way, when a child is anxious all the time, they are in hyper-alert mode, which causes a spike in the stress hormone cortisol in their body. Elevated cortisol levels over the long term consistently produce glucose, leading to increased blood sugar levels.

The link between feelings and healthy development

When a child learns to express feelings of anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, etc., there is relief from the pressure, and the balance of body and brain chemicals is restored. When certain creative mediums of expression are employed, there is a definite shift in brain chemistry. For example, neuroscientists have discovered that when children engage in metaphorical play (or pretend play using symbols), certain parts of the brain light up, and there is a surge of feel-good hormones called endorphins in the body. Researchers have concluded that neurons that fire together wire together. Over time, this leads to a healthier pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaving, which in turn leads to good physical health and well-being.

How parents can encourage healthy expression

Play!

As stated above, there is definitive research that links play to well-being.

• Play is the most powerful self-guided self-healing mechanism available to mankind. It works even for adults.
• When you play with your child, you are not only providing them an opportunity to be healthier, but you are also allowing those benefits to accrue to yourself as well.

Talk!

Spend a few minutes every day talking to your child about feelings.

• Share your own feelings using words, and encourage them to share their feelings, too.
• Use simple and direct language, such as "I feel sad today because I saw a puppy being beaten."
• Ensure that you always begin your statements using "I feel..." Encourage your child to do the same.
• Over time, with daily practice, verbalizing emotions will become habitual and easier.

Reflect!

It is very important to reflect your child's expressed feelings.

• The simplest way to do this is to paraphrase what he says. For example, if your child is raving and ranting about something his friend did, you can reflect his feelings to him by saying something along the lines of, "I can see that you are very angry." Again, it helps to keep it short and simple, to keep the lines of communication open and non-threatening.

Adults and parents must develop a certain degree of emotional intelligence. Only then can they encourage their children to express their emotions freely and honestly.