Here’s what I did when my son snapped at me for the first time: Divya Nair

“A conversation with my son a few days back felt like a little milestone to me, not entirely in a good way, but then that’s life for all of us parents. It so happened that on that day, my 11-year-old preteen was back from school and didn’t seem particularly enthusiastic. Usually, his return from school is the most awaited part of my day ever since I started working from home, because we have so many stories about the day to exchange in that 20 minutes—and I can’t wait for him to get home!

But on that day, he wasn’t his usual chatty self, so I asked him what was wrong. He said he had a terrible day. Like a typical mother, I prodded him yet again about what exactly happened at school, and he snapped back at me, in a slightly raised voice, asking me why I was being so nosy. It felt like the ground beneath my feet slipped away at that very moment, as he had never been rude to me before.

I stayed shut and he went ahead with his shower. Soon I got a grip on my emotions and reminded myself that he shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for having emotions. Once he was out of the shower, I apologized to him, “I’m sorry, I was only trying to help.” He was quick to say sorry too; however, it felt more like it came out of courtesy than from his heart.

I ignored the entire incident, albeit with a heavy heart, and we proceeded with our lunch together. Five minutes into lunch, he told me he would have to give a speech at the school assembly next Monday and that the topic was ‘Turning our wound into wisdom.’ His class teacher had conducted an audition asking students to share their thoughts on the topic, and he was chosen to be the one who gets to share it with the entire school at the assembly.

“Wow,” I said. “Didn’t you get nervous about having to present your thoughts on such a profound topic without any preparation?”

I probed yet again like an anxious, overprotective mother and suddenly became aware of it after the words came out of my mouth.

“Nope. All I did when I got on to the stage was wonder what my mother would have said if this question was asked to her,” he quipped with a smug smile on his face. 

I was not entirely sure if this version was indeed the truth or if he was just trying to please me, but honestly, I didn’t even care. At that moment, the only feeling I wanted to hold onto was the warm comfort that I felt in my heart knowing not all was wrong with my little world, yet!

By Divya Nair

(As told to Monali Bordoloi)