How The Pandemic Is Bringing Fathers Closer To Their Children

The recent times have been anything but ordinary. The pandemic has changed the way we live, the way we interact, the way we spend time with each other, and perhaps most significantly-changed our routines. In these unprecedented times, the daily routines of many households have undergone a stark change. Today, working from home is the new normal. Parents and children are confined to the home 24/7, with most moms and dads-who left home in the morning only to see their child late evening after work hours-working from home.

Because of the pandemic and the resulting work-from-home culture, fathers are spending more time with their children, which is actually a welcome change.

A study published in January 2021 published in the Children and Youth Services Review has shown that when fathers spend more time with their children and work with mothers, the father-child bond becomes stronger. It was also found that when the mother and father took care of their child together during the pandemic, the child's social and emotional well-being improved.

While staying home all the time has its challenges, a positive trend can be seen. More and more fathers are feeling their bond become stronger with their children. A survey by the Harvard Graduate School of Education of more than 280 American fathers found that 68% of them feel closer to their children since the pandemic, and only 1.4% feel less close.

We wanted to get some perspectives on the impact of the pandemic on the relationship between fathers and children in India. So, we went ahead and asked five fathers about the same. And we're glad to discover the one common thing they all felt-they felt closer to their children! Read on to find out what they had to say.

"I discovered the magic of hugs"

"Time with my son always meant getting into friendly wrestles or playing football in the park. I always believed in being a hands-on father, but expressing emotions is not easy for me. I would sit in my home office for my calls and my son would sneak in for a hug or just laze around on my lap. Initially, I didn't know how to react but after a few days, I started enjoying it. His visits would relax and calm me. And suddenly, I began seeking these magical hugs and cuddles. I think these interactions have helped me become more expressive with my child, who opens up to me more now. We still wrestle and enjoy our football games but there's always room for more hugs."

- Sahil Oberoi, father of a 2-year-old boy

"My daughter switched sides, and I'm not complaining."

"The lockdown has been a blessing in disguise for my relationship with my daughter. I have to admit, I was always a bit jealous of how my wife and daughter bonded. They were so close to each other, like a team-I always felt a little left out. When the pandemic began, like most people, I didn't know how to deal with it. Being home required me to be at my best behavior because my daughter was around and I knew I had to set the right example for her. Initially, this was a little difficult for me. However, I started participating in her daily routine-we ate together, read together and I realized that she actually enjoys being around me. I remember before the pandemic, we would have casual pillow fights before bed and my daughter always sided with my wife. It was two against one. But now, I'm glad to say, it's still two against one but this time, my daughter is on my team!"

- Dr Saikat Gochhait, father of a 5-year-old girl

"My son trusts me more now"

"Working from home has not been easy for me. My work involves a lot of travel and I just couldn't wrap my head around remote work. Also, my son entered the terrible twos and had his own daily struggles. Both of us were grappling with transitions, and we began spending a lot of time together. Before the pandemic, my wife and I were potty-training him. He wouldn't let me come close to him when he wanted to use the bathroom. He would run to his mother. I had been reading to him many stories about the natural phenomenon of pooping (I thought this would help him!) and we would have a good laugh, much to the dismay of my wife. One morning, as I turned on the video in a conference call, my 2-year-old son wanted to poop-and wanted only me to help him! Even though my wife insisted on taking him, my son clung to my legs and cried, "Dada! Dada!" This was the first time in the two years since I became a father that my son chose me to help him with a rather important business. The timing was certainly off, but it made me feel validated as a parent. Thanks to spending more time at home, I won my son's trust. I don't think this would have happened had the pandemic not struck!"

- Sudhan Shekhar (name changed on request), father of a 2-year-old boy

"My children think I'm the best cook in the world!"

"I have always enjoyed cooking but never got the time to indulge in it because of work commitments. My son and daughter are both foodies like me. Due to the pandemic, we had no domestic help at home, and I rose to the occasion. My children were surprised to see their father in the kitchen and were filled with delight when they saw me cooking. So much so that they wanted to join me. My wife was hesitant initially but soon all of us began cooking at least one meal or a snack together, every day! While cooking, we would chat and talk about everything-from their day to stories about my childhood. We would draw up the menu, order the groceries online and even look up recipes online. My daughter loves to bake and so we would often try out new recipes. We participated in an online baking contest and we won! On one occasion, my wife had cooked dinner and as we all started eating, my son (after taking only one bite) said out loud, 'Papa is the best cook in the world, Mumma!' We all (except my wife) had a great laugh. Today, I can say I feel much closer to my children. I feel much more in sync with them, too."

- Sujeet Thakkar, father of a 3-year-old boy and a 7-year-old girl

"I introduced my daughter to Batman and she re-introduced me to the Ramayana"

"We live in a big family and I have always been particular about spending as much time as possible with them. When the pandemic started, I began reading a lot and stumbled upon the book, The Whole-Brain Child, by Dan Siegel. It resonated with me and I began talking to my daughter about the book. To my surprise, she was very interested in it and was asking many questions. My wife hasn't read the book-so when my daughter and I would talk about the book, my wife would feel lost. I also introduced my daughter to superheroes like Batman, and she made me watch the Ramayana again. I realized that my daughter and I have a lot of common interests. It's heartening to see that we are so alike! Thanks to the pandemic, I found out things about my daughter I didn't know."

- Sivakumar SR, father of a 6-year-old girl

These narratives point to one thing-the pandemic has allowed fathers to spend more time at home and thus, more time with their children. In times like these, nothing provides more solace than the love and support from loved ones. The mother-child bond has always got its fair share of attention in literature, philosophy, psychology, and even media. It's about time fathers got the due they deserve. It isn't easy for them to grapple with the pandemic while facing the pressures of work and the unspoken onus often placed on them to be the sole protector of the family. We don't know when the scenario is likely to change, even though vaccinations are being administered. In the meantime, here are some ways fathers can make the most of this time and strengthen their bond with their children.

3 Ways to make the most of the pandemic

1. Express and articulate

The pandemic has been hard on everyone. So, why not open up about your feelings with a loved one? Share these feelings with your child, too. You don't have to sound morose, but if you talk to your child about the difficulties you're facing, it may help her cope with her own feelings while helping you deal with your feelings. Make expressing and sharing feelings a norm in your family. When you put words to the emotions you're feeling, you process them better. You could say things like, "I know this is difficult for you. I feel the same, too. But we are all in this together and we can help each other."

2. Pick a hobby you and your child love

Spend time with your little one to discover a hobby that both of you love. It could be cooking, reading, dancing, or learning an instrument. You can make this a part of your routine. If you schedule a time to do something you and your child both love, he'll start looking forward to it and learn something new as well. This will also help you unwind and take a break from the work-from-home routine. This kind of one-on-one time is valuable for both you and your child, as it helps you connect with your child deeply and develop a stronger bond. It's like refueling the tank of emotions that energizes both you and your child.

3. Take part in your child's daily routine

Mothers are often active participants in a child's routine while fathers typically take on a passive role. This is the right time to change that. Get involved in your child's daily schedules. Use the lunch hour to have a meal with your child. Walk around the park while she plays in the evening. You'll get some exercise and she'll be delighted to see you around her. Have her become a part of your daily routine, too. Do simple things like brushing your teeth together. Pandemic or not, syncing your routines as a family helps the household function smoothly while creating strong bonds.

As lines between personal and professional lives blur, there's important learning. The essence of life is the relationships we nurture. As parents, and more so as fathers, your roles are much more than that of providers. In a society that applauds boys and men for being "strong," perhaps the pandemic can bring to light new meanings of strength. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we used this time as an opportunity to invent our own definitions of fatherhood? Fortunately, it's already happening around us.

They say that when you become parents, the days are long but the years pass by in the blink of an eye. But the pandemic has given all of us time to pause and reflect-and blink a little slower!

What you can do right away

1. If you're a father, make it a point to enjoy one or two special activities with your child.
2. Regularly spend one-on-one time with your child and give her undivided attention. This actually goes for both parents.
3. If you're a mother, appreciate your partner for being involved. Communicate to him about how this helps your child emotionally. Talk to him about what he feels and engage in a deep conversation about his experiences, confusions, or joys.