Staying Close To Grandkids: Tips To Beat The COVID Blues With Technology

Despite living in the same city, I haven't visited my two grandmothers ever since the World Health Organization (WHO) declared COVID-19 a pandemic. My grandmothers are nearly 90 years old and are at high risk of developing severe illness from the coronavirus. The best way I can help them now is by staying away from them. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine a situation like this!

My 2-year-old daughter's story is no different from mine. She hasn't met her beloved grandparents in four months. She sees them on video calls at least twice a day and sometimes extends her hand to the phone to touch their faces. It's painful for me to watch. Although most children don't seem to be at high risk for COVID-19, they can be asymptomatic carriers of the virus and put their grandparents at higher risk of infection.

To stay apart from each other is distressing for both children and grandparents, and there seems to be no easy way out. To bring about some hope and cheer, we decided to celebrate grandparents on our platform. We spoke to some grandparents about their dearest memories with their grandchildren and how the pandemic has affected their relationship with their precious ones. So, as grandparents recall nostalgic experiences, let's travel down memory lane with them and celebrate the unmatchable grandparent-grandchild bond!

Bharatanatyam dancer and performer Radhika Shurajit, proud grandmom of 1-year-old Anika, talks about how the pandemic has made her spend more time with her granddaughter.

My granddaughter, Anika, is my lifeline. I love sitting with her on our patio, waving to random walkers and zooming scooters. It's a delight to observe her when she's up to some mischief, she turns around to check if people are looking at her and gives a cheeky smile. I enjoy reading to her. Her favorite book is 'Pooni, Pooni, Where Are You?' where the naughty cat plays hide-and-seek. You should see the excitement on Anika's face when I read it out to her! I have a pet cat, so she can relate to the story very well.

I am so lucky that I can spend quality time with Anika during these tough times. Because of the pandemic, dance shows, which usually keep me very busy, are not happening. I was planning long tours to the US and the UK for dance shows and workshops. Sadly, the trips got canceled. But on the plus side, I get to spend a lot more time with my darling!

But the pandemic has separated her from her grandfather (my husband). My husband is a professor in the US. He was planning to visit India this summer, but COVID-19 ruined his plans. But he's a positive person. He realizes that some things are beyond our control. He sees Anika on FaceTime at least twice a day and has sent many exciting toys for her. It makes him happy to see her playing with his carefully chosen toys.

I hope we can all get together sometime soon and watch and admire Anika grow. Our dream for her is that she should be happy and excel in whatever she chooses to do.

Chandrasekhar and Chandralekha, grandparents of four wonderful children, Pratheek (28), Arjun (25), Mythili (22), and Surya (19), say their grandchildren are their universe. They reminisce about their childhood, revel in their successes, and talk about how the pandemic spoiled their grand plans of a midnight celebration at Times Square, New York.

Chandrasekhar: My grandchildren call me Thatha-moon (as Chandra means the moon), and I love that. I became a grandfather at 52 years old and took early retirement from teaching at 54 years old so that I could spend time with my grandchildren. The time I spent with them is so special and etched in my memory—the weekends, festivals, the fun and laughter. I would regularly take my grandchildren to the Malleswaram Club (in Bengaluru) in my car. I would stop by a popular sweet shop in Malleswaram and get them badam halwa. The excitement on their faces made my day!

We are very proud of our grandchildren. They have grown up to be confident, compassionate, and respectful individuals. They pamper us and shower us with affection. This summer, we were planning to visit Phoenix to attend our granddaughter Mythili's graduation, and then fly to Manhattan, where our grandson, Pratheek, lives. I turned 80 years old this July, and our grandchildren had made plans to celebrate my milestone birthday at Times Square. But the coronavirus spoiled our plans, and we were all a bit disappointed. However, they took it in their stride and organized a fun virtual celebration. That was not all, they planned another wonderful surprise for me. They painstakingly put together a video collage of wishes from over 50 of my friends and family!

Chandralekha: I second every word my husband has said about our grandchildren. They are our treasure. Although they are busy with their work, they keep in touch with us regularly. I have pushed myself to learn technology just so I can talk to them. And this technical knowledge is coming in handy now when we can't meet them for days on end. Here's to many more years of chatting and laughing together!

Now, let's hear from Mythili and Surya, two of their grandchildren:

Mythili: My parents moved back to India when we were young so we could grow up around our grandparents. So, my brother and I grew up witnessing our grandparents' generosity and resilience. They are like our second set of parents. Sometimes, my grandfather checks on me more than my parents do!

We do have different opinions, but Thatha-moon and Ammamma have always supported our decisions. For instance, my grandparents weren't too keen on me moving to the US for my bachelor's degree. But I went ahead with my choice. And they stood by me all the way. Recently, seeing my performance in college, my grandfather admitted I had made the right decision. That's how unbiased and accepting he is. He jokingly told me I should aim for the US presidency 25 years from now, when he would be just 105 years old! He added that I shouldn't forget to call him then. As if I would!

Surya: It's so nice to be engulfed in grandparents love, their unwavering support for us, their enthusiasm to travel at this age just so they can be with us, Ammamma's openness to learn technology and English to connect with us better, her delicious masala dosa, which she used to lovingly prepare for us every Sunday morning when we were children. I can go on and on. We are truly blessed!

Ranjini and Jayaraman, grandparents of 1-year-old Vyas, share funny anecdotes about their little grandson and talk about how the pandemic has changed many small things in their lives.

Ranjini: Grandparenthood is filled with fun and laughter. I find some of Vyas's antics really funny, the seriousness with which he picks up a broom to clean the house, pretend-drives the car, puts thalam while listening to a Carnatic song, says uppu (salt) the second he enters the kitchen every single morning.

While raising a grandchild is joyful, it's challenging too. At 64 years old, running behind a 1-year-old is not easy. And trying to keep him inside the four walls all day is no joke! Vyas and I loved our quiet evening walks. I used to enjoy seeing him call out and wave to strangers. But since the pandemic began, we haven't been able to go out much. While the coronavirus hasn't changed the amount of time I spend with Vyas, it has definitely affected us in small ways. For instance, instead of a grand party, we rang in his first birthday this April with a small celebration at home.

But there have been some really funny moments during the pandemic. The other day, when I was getting ready to step out of the house, I forgot to wear my mask. And Vyas reminded me by trying to say mask, which was cute! Mask has become one of the first words he learned, thanks to the novel coronavirus!

I pray that children can step out and play with each other to their hearts' content. Vyas runs away from the little ones of his age now. He's comfortable only with thathas and pattis. I find it funny sometimes, but I am waiting for that to change, and looking forward to more adventures and laughter with him.

Jayaraman: I find spending time with my grandson so rewarding. Thankfully, the pandemic hasn't impacted my time and bonding with him. My favorite time of the day is the quiet half an hour I get with him every morning, when we sit down together, leaning on each other and listening to music. We don't talk much, though I often feel there is silent communication happening. I am credited with teaching him naughty activities like how to open a padlock and climb down the stairs, which I consider a feather in my cap!

With my daughter Vaishnavi, I was busy attending to her needs and couldn't spend quality time with her. But with Vyas, it's different. I can't wait to watch him learn and grow.

Haritha, a new grandmom, shares her anguish at not being able to meet or hold her 5-month-old grandson, Rohan.

My grandson, Rohan, just completed 5 months, and I haven't met or held him yet. I must admit I do feel quite miserable about it sometimes. My daughter, based in London, was due to deliver her first child this April. My husband and I were all set to travel to the UK by the end of March. Needless to say, we were excited about meeting our daughter, son-in-law, and our first grandchild! But all international flights were banned by mid-March. (Even otherwise, with my ailments like diabetes, it wouldn't have been a good idea for us to travel amidst the pandemic.)

My daughter had a smooth delivery, and they have managed quite well. I am so grateful for that. I am trying to focus on my blessings now. I start my day by looking at pictures and videos of Rohan, and I see him on video calls every day. But sometimes it gets tough. The most difficult is not knowing when I can meet Rohan. I hope and pray that we will all tide over this crisis soon.

Some truly heart-warming stories there! Just goes to show how special the grandparent-grandchild bond is.

Now, let's hear from Arundhati Swamy, counselor and head of the Parent Engagement Program at ParentCircle, and a grandmom of two spirited children, Jason (12) and Maia (6). She gives us a peek into her exciting world with her grandchildren and offers tips for grandparents to connect with their grandchildren

Although our grandchildren live just a 10-minute drive away from our home, the lockdown left my husband and me feeling emotionally distressed. Frequent video calls certainly helped ease the pain of separation. We planned something special each week, children's puppet and talent show, grandpa's hilarious family quiz that had crazy prizes such as virtual noodle packets (the real ones flew off the shelves in shops), photo tales where we displayed old photos and narrated the stories around them to our grandchildren, and so on.

Two months into the lockdown, taking all the necessary precautions, we began spending weekends at each other's homes. Play has dominated the agenda with endless rounds of hide-and-seek and playing catch on the terrace. Rip-roaring fun, until my aching arms and limbs say slow down or else! Never have we had so much fun together or felt so deeply connected.

There is no greater joy than being invited into your grandchild's private world where silly and serious secrets are shared, playful conspiracies are planned, and stories of wonder are told. To be suddenly cut off and deprived of those special moments leaves a void so hard to fill.

But acceptance of the current situation, difficult as it may be, is the only antidote for all of us right now. To surrender ourselves to reality is to also accept our thoughts and feelings about what's going on. But it's really hard for the elderly, whose circumstances keep them isolated from loved ones.

Companionship is the answer to loneliness, so here are a few ideas for grandparents to stay emotionally connected with their grandchildren, all thanks to technology:

1. Reserve time for phone calls and video calls with younger grandchildren during the day when their parents need to attend work-related phone calls and meetings.
2. Announce a cooking competition for the older grandchildren. Grandparents judge the competition, ask questions about ingredients and cooking procedures, and award bonus points for presentation.
3. Celebrate your grandchild's birthday with a special treat, imitate family members, belt out a song, or share an untold story.
4. Conduct a fun family quiz. It's a great way to share family history and interesting anecdotes.
5. If music is your forte, partner with your grandchild to create a song about the family. Or if you prefer creative writing, co-create a short skit, and have the family enact it.
6. Talk to older grandchildren about your career path, the decisions you had to make, and share some of your work experiences with them.

5 ways to connect with grandparents

Here are a few more tips from Arundhati on how children can reach out to their grandparents:

1. Send voice messages or short video recordings. And they may reply with fun voice messages or even videos!
2. Send a curated collage of photos that grandparents can browse through. Conversations around the pictures trigger pleasant thoughts and emotions.
3. Share jokes and riddles to put the smile back on their faces. Laughter helps bust the blues.
4. Have your grandparents listen to informative and inspiring podcasts with you. It will keep their minds stimulated and hopeful.
5. Encourage grandparents to dabble in a bit of coloring or painting. The flow of colors will help release their emotions and calm their minds.

Safety tips to keep in mind before you meet the elderly

• Cut down your contact with external people as much as possible. Wear a mask and maintain six feet of distance between you and others. Make sure all the members in your house adhere to these practices.
• Keep a lookout for the symptoms of COVID-19, and visit the elderly only after ruling out COVID-19 infection in the family.
• Try to meet the elderly outdoors. For example, on the terrace.
• Make sure everyone washes their hands before seeing each other.

We hope grandparents around the globe can cuddle, play, and dance with their grandchildren very soon. Until then, keep up the spirit of the virtual time you spend with each other. Chat, connect, and celebrate!