Fear of Heights: Help Your Child Conquer The Fear And Build Confidence

The fear of heights is very common among children and adults. Sometimes, this fear can interfere with daily life. For example, when one refuses to go to a terrace or take a plane. Our expert Arundhati Swamy, Counselor and Head—Parent Engagement Programs at ParentCircle, shares tips on how you can help your child overcome their fear of heights.

Manoj, it must be hard to see your child's fears deprive him of so many experiences and exciting opportunities to explore his world. Reaching out for help is the right thing to do. And yes, your son can feel dizzy looking up at the sky even when he stands still.

His fear of heights could be triggered by the instability he experiences every time he looks up at the sky. Losing control of his body is a scary experience that he would naturally want to avoid. Our sense of balance is controlled by the vestibular system located in the middle ear. Several other parts of the body such as the brain, eyes, ears, and nerves in the feet also coordinate to maintain balance. Balance and spatial orientation are critical processes required for coordinating movements. Your son's dizziness could be due to a common inner ear problem. In the best interest of your son, we strongly recommend that you consult your family doctor because this requires a clinical approach.

Manoj, we certainly hope that your son will soon be able to look up and enjoy exploring the wonders of the sky!

Your son may gradually get over his fear of heights. He just needs you to be supportive whenever he feels uncomfortable. So, acknowledge his fear, give him a look that says you know how awful it feels, and hold his hand till the discomfort subsides. Some fears never go away completely, or they may take a long time to fade away.

However, a single traumatic experience is enough to destroy a child's confidence. Generally, 8-year-olds are filled with energy and enthusiasm for new experiences, so your son must be feeling quite miserable and helpless. This is where you can work with him in powerful ways to overcome his fears.

Here are some steps to follow:

Facing the fear

Many children tend to deny or mask their fears because they don't want to displease their parents. You know that your son has been scared ever since he had the fall. So, help him accept his fear by having a cozy conversation with him. Set aside your thoughts and judgments for a while. Focus on your child and say, "I know you're scared because of the fall. It's okay to feel scared, I would have felt scared too."

Releasing painful emotions

Next, ask your son to describe the experience and encourage him to talk freely about it. The release of emotions, as he tells his story, will bring much relief as he begins to get in touch with his feelings in the safety of your presence. Let your son know that you'll both work as a team to help him overcome his fears.

 Becoming the boss of the brain

Your son's fall has become a bad memory because of the fearful feelings associated with it. He has generalized that all heights are unsafe and will cause him to fall. It has become an automatic thought. Help him break away from this thought pattern whenever he feels fearful of a height. You could say to him, "I know this feels scary for you. It's not your fault. Your brain is trying to protect you." Then ask him to point out the differences between his fall from the tree and the here-and-now situation he is in on a ramp, in a tall building, walking, or riding up a slope.

This exercise stimulates logical thinking, which helps deconstruct the fear and bring it to a manageable level. You'll know your son is free of fear when he recalls the memory of the fall without experiencing the original feelings of fear or panic.

Help your son replace the bad feelings with positive feelings by deliberately redirecting his attention to something interesting, funny, or a positive memory. This will break the automatic negative thought pattern in his mind and help him feel empowered. He'll know that he can choose to change his thoughts and be the boss of his brain.

Saikrupa, we hope your son will soon be climbing trees again!

Sumi, it must have been disappointing to cut short the trek, that too for a reason that seems trivial. You have good reason to worry because you wouldn't want your child to miss out on a lot of fun and adventure that also helps her learn valuable life skills.

Let's begin by putting things in perspective. Climbing a gentle slope is effortless for most people but for your child and many others like her, it can be daunting. And there's probably a reason why she feels afraid. Her toddler years could give us a few clues.

Rewind your daughter's early childhood years and try to recollect how she handled climbing up and descending stairs, and large motor movements, such as running, skipping, jumping and tumbling. Did she enjoy doing these activities, or was she reluctant? Did she always seek your help to do them? Did she avoid doing them? Note down your observations on how your child managed her movements, indoors and outdoors. Look over your notes to see if certain patterns emerge that could give you a few valuable clues. Climbing and sliding down a slide board are motor skills that require large motor coordination, a good sense of body awareness and balance, and confidence. Problems in any one of these areas could have made your child feel very uncomfortable and fearful.

Do you think your child may have motor coordination or balance issues? Does she struggle to cope with routine activities that require good muscle tone, awareness of body position, and movement of the body? Does she have difficulties in sensing her body's position to her surroundings? Could this possibly explain your child's discomfort on the slide or climbing up a slope? You may now have new doubts and fears, and this is normal. Do give yourself some time to come to terms with the possibility that your child may be struggling with balance and movement concerning space. On the brighter side, you now have a few ideas to explore.

Occupational Therapy (OT) can be immensely helpful for your child. A very safe and non-invasive intervention, OT consists of exercises designed to help develop motor coordination and balance, and thus improve your child's confidence. Once you have all your feelings sorted out, have your child evaluated by an occupational therapist to get a diagnosis to either confirm or rule out a problem area.

But first, prepare your child for a visit to the therapist. Be honest about where and why you're taking her to an occupational therapist. Answer her queries and reassure her. You may say, "All this is a new experience for both of us. Let's give it a try. I'll be with you and we can ask lots of questions. We will do this together."

Accompany your child to the clinic, and ask the therapist whatever questions you need to ask. When you return home, talk to your child about her experience with the therapist. She needs to express herself freely. If the evaluation confirms a problem, explain it to your daughter in simple terms. Avoid using technical terms that could overwhelm her.

If balance and motor coordination problems are ruled out, you'll heave a sigh of relief, but may still wonder what else could be the cause. It's time now to turn your attention to other aspects of your child. This would involve some self-reflection on how you've been interacting with your daughter through the years. Children raised in an overprotective environment tend to lack independence and self-care skills and become overdependent on adults. This goes against a child's need for growing independence and competence. Often, the frustrations show up as fears. Accommodating a child's fears only serves to reinforce the fears.

If this is the case, you'll need to bring about a few changes that will help your daughter grow in independence and confidence. Here's how you can begin. Encourage your daughter to:

• Take care of her things
• Help with household chores
• Play with friends without supervision
• Speak to teachers and ask for help when needed
• Make small decisions and choices. For example, deciding what she wants to wear or what activity you do together.

However, if your self-reflection tells you that your child has been growing up in a nurturing and encouraging environment, there is yet another aspect you can examine.

Did your child have a fall or a scary experience while climbing stairs or while playing? If so, it would help to talk to her about it. Sit beside her and ask her to describe the incident, recalling all the details, especially the emotions (frightened, terrified, anxious, confused) and physical feelings (racing heartbeat, sweating, nausea) she had experienced. Hold her hand if she needs emotional support while narrating the memory. If your child feels overwhelmed, continue the conversation another time.

When she's done telling her story, give her a warm hug to let her know you understand how awful the experience must have been. Follow this up with a conversation on her thoughts on what she imagines and expects to happen each time she feels challenged by a height.

This method of helping your child face her fears and then reasoning them out could help her get over her discomfort and restore her confidence. When she does attempt to climb a slope again, make sure you don't talk to her from fear but rather from curiosity that primes her for success. You could say, "What kind of view will we have from up there?" to build her interest and excitement and to communicate your confidence and trust in her.

Sumi, we hope your daughter will soon enjoy trekking and racing you to the top of a hill!

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