A Diwali Message For Parents

I am happy to speak today to all the dear respected homemakers and Ammas of the children. Hope you have all enjoyed the sessions of Vivekananda Bala Mandir, along with your children.I am sure all the families will carry on practicing the learnings from these sessions, and you can help your children reach great heights.

1. You Are a Caretaker, Not a Creator

In Tamil, parents are called petror, which means those who have received. Yes, you parents have received an extraordinary and precious gift in the form of your children. Parenting is the most important job in the whole world, but there are no colleges from where we can learn parenting skills. Then how do we become excellent at this job? The answer lies in looking at the lives of other parents, and learning from their experiences.

The first thing I want to tell you isBe the caretakers of your children. You are not the creator of your children, you are the caretaker. Bring up children with strong powers of resilience and tenacity, using a compassionate approach.

Let me tell you the story of a Native American (indigenous people of the US) family. The parents were inside the tent, while their child was sitting outside. At the bottom of the tent was a flap of cloth, which served as a doorway. A huge stone sat on the cloth to hold it in place. The child sitting outside the tent was hungry and was screaming. The parents heard the cries and yet they waited. The child eventually stopped crying and started to approach the door. Slowly, the child pushed the stone with great effort, moved the cloth and entered the tent. The parents now rushed to feed the child.

The parents had waited patiently for the child to figure out how to get inside the tent. And by pushing away the stone and entering the tent, the child learnt the most important lesson of thinking. As parents, please allow your children to learn, and do not be overprotective. Let them learn how to lead their lives by building tenacity and resilienceand let them celebrate through small victories.

2. Pampering is Not Parenting

Yes, you heard me. Let me repeat: Pampering is not parenting. When children ask for something, the immediate urge of parents is to give it. Often, you might think, I want my child to get everything that I could not get. There is no end to such thinking.

When a child asks for something, teach the child to evaluate: Is this a need or a want? For example, a pencil is a need. An imported pencilwhich writes in six colors is not a need. Food is a need, eating out at an expensive hotel is not a need. Teach your children about the financial situation at home.

Let them learn about the importance of money, and let them understand how hard it is to earn even ten rupees.

Most importantly, dont be your childrens ATM. Let them understand that you are not a source of all-time money or any time money. Instead, make yourselves all-time mentors and any time mentors. Let your child learn to be a responsible member of the familyand you will succeed in creating responsible citizens who will work tirelessly for the country as well.

3. Listen to Your Children

Every evening, spend time with your children, ask them questions about how school was. What did they learn? Who are their friends? And when the children answer, please listen to them. Share your activities of the day, and let them ask questions. Together as a family you will develop the capacity to listen. If your children understand that you will always listen to them, you can avoid scenes where you have to listen to doctors and lawyers in your old age.

Developing the ability to listen carefully will help your children widen their perspectives about life. Listening carefully is the greatest tool for learning at school or college and in life. When you listen, your mind becomes broader.

4. Be an Inspiring Role Model for Your Children

A child learns from the mother long before birth. Be an inspiring role model of compassion, honesty, respect, patience and determination. I am reminded of the story of the mother of Sashi Maharaj. When her children were sick, she made a vow to Goddess Kali, saying she would use her right hand only for worship and prayers. And she kept her vow and used her right hand only for prayers and worship, and learnt to use her left hand for all other activities. Such was her determination that from her, her children learnt perseverance, determination and keeping ones word under any circumstances.

Remember, children do not do what you say. Children always do what you do. If you want your children to have strong values, you have to lead a life with those values so that they observe and do the same. All of us learn by imitation, and children more so. Let them have a good role model to imitate at home itself. Be the person that you want your children to beand you will succeed in your job as a parent.

I pray to Sri Ramakrishna, Ma Sarada Devi and Swami Vivekananda to shower their blessings on your families. May all your children be responsible family members and become responsible citizens of the country. May you all be blessed with good health, happiness, joy and contentment.

Jai Sri Ramakrishna