Raising Happy Kids Is A Way Of Life: A Parenting Philosophy Built Around Family Bonding

Deepshikha Deshmukh, daughter of renowned film producer Vashu Bhagnani, made her debut as a producer in Bollywood with Aishwarya Rai Bachchan and Randeep Hooda in 'Sarbjit' (2016). Since then, she has wowed critics and audiences by producing blockbusters, including 'Madaari' starring the late Irrfan Khan, and Jawaani Jaaneman. Her movie 'Coolie No. 1' featuring Varun Dhawan and Sara Ali Khan, was one of the biggest releases at the time.

Deepshikha runs her production house Pooja Entertainment, with her brother Jackky Bhagnani, and is also the founder of a wellness brand, Love Organically. She is a doting hands-on mom to her son Vansh (7) and daughter Diviyanaa (6). Not one to rest on her laurels, Deepshikha got busy with her next film, Ganpath, starring Tiger Shroff and Kriti Sanon. In an exclusive interview with ParentCircle, Deepshikha shares her experiences.

Q. When we were discussing how the pandemic has made things tough for everyone, you said the one plus is that you can spend time with your family. Has the pandemic brought your family closer together?

Yes, absolutely. Since we are a large family, it was rare for all of us to be at home at the same time. Usually, someone would be out for a meeting, out of town, or busy with something. But the lockdown brought everybody together. We played carrom together after ages. We also played ludo, badminton, and all the nostalgic games we played when we were kids.

After many years, people paused and lived their lives because otherwise, everyone is running toward work, goals and other commitments. There was so much happening, and then, suddenly, there was nothing to do. I distinctly remember how none of us, including the kids, did anything during the first lockdown. They had their summer vacations and our work was slow because everyone was still trying to figure out what to do and how to do it. The whole Zoom work culture was yet to start, so I enjoyed some family time.

There's so much we can do when everyone spends time together. Having meals together, playing games, just sitting and listening to music endlessly. Otherwise, youre always running; you don't know how the days pass by. Because of the lockdown, we got a lot of time to think about ourselves and our loved ones, and it was a beautiful experience for me.

We played carrom together after ages. We also played ludo, badminton and all the nostalgic games we played when we were kids

Q. Many parents and children found the shift to online classes challenging. How did your kids cope, and what did you do to ease the transition for them?

My kids were very young (4 and 5 years) when the shift happened. It was challenging for me because I had to be with both of them. Luckily, work pressure was manageable then as everyone was still figuring out remote work. So, I could spend time with my children and train them. Now, of course, they know how to go online. They even know how to skip classes (laughs). Initially, they used to land in an A-section class when they had to be in the B-section, but over time, they learned.

Now, of course, I realize online learning has taught kids and all of us so much more. Hats off to the teachers, schools and everybody involved. My kid's nanny had never held an electronic device before the pandemic, not even a smartphone, but now she manages the online classes brilliantly. Online learning was overwhelming at first, but I think we have warmed up to it. I love the online format. The only thing missing in an online setting is the opportunity to socialize. I feel that my kids are missing out on real experiences and that's the only drawback.

Q. When it comes to discipline, between you and your husband, who is the strict parent, and who is the lenient one?

I think we both are a combination of strict and lenient parents. We both believe in bringing up happy children because ultimately, their happiness is important to us.

I'm not the kind of parent who is very strict about rules. If I feel that my kids have been very good and I want to give them 15 minutes of extra screen time, I'll give it to them. Each day has to be taken as it comes, depending on how your child feels and behaves, and what they're going through. On some days they'll need a lot more TLC while on other days they'll be more independent. Our motto is happiness above everything else. A child needs to be happy, safe and secure. We do everything in our power to make our kids feel that way.

I remember when my daughter had just started to walk on her own, she used to keep falling and looking for me because she knew Mamma would come and pick her up. She had no fear of falling. Later, after some research, I realized that she was fearless because she knew I would be around somewhere, which was true. Even when she couldn't see me, I would be peeping from the passageway. So, technically, I was always there, but I made her feel that she was independent. Small things like this give them wings to fly and do what they want to do, and you're still there with them when they reach every milestone.

We also believe that a family should at least have one meal together. Sometimes, that's the only time we are together, as my husband Dheeraj and I have to spend most of our time at work, away from the children.

Q. Tell us about your parents and their parenting styles and how it has influenced your parenting. 

My parents were very strict. We moved from Calcutta to Bombay when I was in the first grade, and we didn't know too many people there. My mother was new to the city, and she was very strict. She was always asking me, "Kahan ja rahe ho? Kya kar rahe ho?" (Where are you going? What are you doing?)

She had rigid deadlines. I had an 8 p.m. curfew even when I was in college. I used to tell her, "Mamma, youre so strict. All my friends get to do whatever they like. I'm the only one who is not allowed to go for stayovers or trips!" But now that I'm a mother, I understand a parent's anxiety. I frequently call up my mom and tell her that I parent my kids the way she parented me.

When you see what the world is like, you want to make the best choices for your children. I have to protect them when they're young. Once they become independent, say, at 16 or 17 years, they'll start understanding the world and be able to make their own choices.

I feel responsible for taking taking my fathers legacy ahead, and I want him to be proud of us

Q. Who was the disciplinarian in your house while growing up? Your mother or your father?

I don't know if it was my mother or my dad, but whenever we went to Papa, he would say, "Mamma se puchlo" (Go ask Mamma). So, mom was always the decision-maker. I think mothers are more firm and disciplined. My mom was a homemaker. She was home with us all the time while Papa was away from home, working. We used to spend only a little time with him every day. So, our interactions were always about having fun. Discipline, education, and all the serious stuff were my mom's job. Maybe because of that, we listened to her a lot more. But in my house, it's the opposite. My kids only listen to my husband.

Q. You often say your mom and your mother-in-law are your go-to persons when it comes to seeking parenting advice. What's the best piece of advice you've received from them?

Well, the very first thing they taught us is not to Google. As new parents, we used to Google a lot of stuff. Google is a great thing but it can also make you completely cuckoo. For instance, once my son was throwing up every time he had milk. So, I Googled "Is it good for my child to have normal milk?" It gave me two answers, yes and no. As a new mother, sometimes there's so much information thrown at you by various people that you don't know what to do. You then think that Google is your best friend. My mother-in-law taught me to listen to myself. A mother's instinct helps her know what's best for her child.

Q. Talking of instincts, you're the daughter of Bollywood film producer Vashu Bhagnani. What about the pressure on you on the professional front? 

My father built everything from scratch. He came from Calcutta with no money and achieved everything through hard work. As his daughter, I feel responsible for taking the legacy ahead, and I want him to be proud of us. That does feel like a lot of pressure. I always put myself in the audience's place and think if I were a viewer and I had to pay Rs 250 to buy a ticket, what would I do? Would I go and watch this film? Would I not watch this film? This little exercise gives me perspective. There are so many things that go into creating a project.

Q. But the past year-and-a-half must have been difficult. No shoots, no films, no theater. How did you cope?

We human beings are very resilient. We have found a new way to live. We know it's important to sanitize, we know it's essential to mask up, and most of us are cautious when we step out. We have to be responsible human beings, and that's the first thing I learned.

Coming to projects, we recently released Bell Bottom, starring Akshay Kumar, Vaani Kapoor and Lara Dutta. It's gratifying to see that it's the first Bollywood film to be shot, completed, and released during the pandemic.

I want to take a moment and thank my father and my brother. They have worked meticulously to make sure everything is in place. I couldn't have done any of this without them. I have a brilliant team and thankfully, no team member caught the virus. You know how they say "There's God's hand in everything you do.' This project had His blessings.

Q. You just spoke about your brother Jackky Bhagnani, who is also an actor. How's the bond between you two siblings?

My brother is like my first baby. He is my go-to person and my best friend. We share everything. Since we also work together, often many fights happen in the workspace because of creative differences, but at the end of the day, we come back to exactly how we were. That's the bond between a brother and a sister, which you can't explain in words. I'm fortunate to have him and I'm super proud of him!

Q. The festival season is approaching, and we feel so joyful to celebrate festivals with our family. Are you looking forward to Navratri?

Oh yes! We love Navratri. We celebrate it by performing pujas and doing aarti every day. We eat vegetarian food on all nine days. There's a little bit of celebration every day so it's great fun. I'm happy that the kids are learning about our culture and traditions in a fun way. Now, even the schools teach them about dandiya (a dance performed during Navratri, using colorful sticks), and the importance of the nine nights and the different incarnations of Devi Ma.

Q. Lastly, how do you juggle your roles as a producer, entrepreneur and mother?

Every morning I wake up and make a little to-do list. If I don't have that little list, I go crazy. As I'm usually multitasking, I need to plan and understand priorities and things that need to be ticked off the list. My daughter manages to scribble her little notes on my list, like, 'Mamma, you have to call me. Now, the kids have Facetime on their iPads, so they call me whenever possible. This is how I try to juggle responsibilities!