10 signs your child might be lying and possible responses you can give in such a situation

Telling a lie makes an individual feel anxious and worried, and children are no exception to this. There are several behaviors, expressions, and gestures associated with lying. Having a knowledge of these reactions can alert you to when your child may be lying,  let's read on to know more.

Common telltale signs of lying in children

1. Avoids/changes the topic of conversation: If your child displays a sense of relief when a conversation on a particular topic is over, or tries to deflect your attention to avoid a discussion, it helps to investigate the matter a little more. Children usually indulge in such behavior to avoid being caught about a lie or are caught in an uncomfortable situation that would require them to tell a lie.
2. Avoids eye contact: Usually, older children avoid meeting your gaze or making eye contact with you when they are telling a lie. However, it may not be so in the case of very young children, as they have difficulty differentiating reality from fiction. So, your preschooler may look you in the eye and say her dragon friend paid her a visit in the afternoon. As for older children, with time and practice, they may learn to lie with a straight face.
3. Shifts body weight: If your child keeps shifting his weight from one leg to the other while talking to you, it could be a sign that he is not comfortable with what he is saying, and may not be presenting the true picture.
4. Gesticulates: Fidgeting, excessive blinking or not blinking at all, defensive reactions such as animated hand movements, touching the face or nose, or scratching the ear are all subtle signs of lying.
5. Explains in detail: When your child gives you more information than usual about something, watch out! If he is usually not a big talker but can't stop talking about something, it may mean that he is trying his best to sell his point.
6. Delays response: Repeating the question before answering or delaying the response could mean that your child is trying to buy some time to come up with a suitable answer, which may not reflect the truth. Also, if your child doesn't answer your question directly it could mean that, although her conscience is not allowing her to tell a lie, she still needs to tell a lie for some reason. For example, if you ask, "Did you skip your math class today?" and she says, "Come on mom, I know it's bad to skip class."
7. Is inconsistent: When your child's version of a story sounds inconsistent and has missing links, it's probable that he hasn't had the chance to rehearse the lie that he came up with. If your child is being smarter than usual and his answers seem well-rehearsed it could also be another sign of lying.
8. Exhibits altered speech: Sometimes, when your child speaks in either a low or high voice, it may mean that she is trying to lie. Lying can increase her anxiety level, which could result in variations in the pitch of her voice. Also, while lying, the pace of speech begins to vary. So, your child may speak faster than normal or pause frequently, or stutter.
9. Masks expressions: Trying to lie can lead to feelings of fear, relief, anger, or pain. Your child may try to mask these feelings while he is lying. If you observe your child's face carefully, you can understand when your child is trying to hide his expressions. Also, sometimes there could be a disconnect between your child's facial expression and his words. For example, he may say, "I'm upset that you are leaving me back at home to study for my test," but by looking at his face you can make out that he is waiting for you to leave.
10. Keeps a distance: If your child keeps a distance from you or has a book or a pillow drawn to her chest like a barrier, it's possibly another non-verbal clue that arouses suspicion.

How to respond when your child tells a lie

For 2 to 3-year-olds:

• Toddlers are unable to differentiate fantasy from reality. So, when your toddler tells you an improbable story, respond gently and go with the flow of his story rather than accuse him of lying.

For 3 to 5-year-olds:

• When your preschooler lies to you, she probably has a reason. But because you are upset about being lied to, you could lose control of your emotions and react harshly. Punishment or harsh words do not make the lying go away. Instead, recognize that you are upset and take a few deep breaths to calm yourself so that you respond to your child with empathy - "It looks like you are afraid to tell me what happened. Let me hold your hand to help you stop feeling afraid."
• Don't label your child a liar even if she is lying to you. Labels destroy a child's self-esteem. Rather, deal with the lie in its context. Next, help her talk to you about what really happened. You could then help her sort out her feelings.
• When your child spins a fanciful tale and tries to present it as a true incident, appreciate her wonderful imagination. Then guide her towards understanding how such stories could lead other people to misunderstand her.

For 6 to 12-year-olds:

• When you catch your child in the act of lying, it's natural that you feel angry.
• Step back and take a few moments to settle your emotions. This helps you take a neutral stand while you listen to your child's story and connect with his emotions. Usually, it is fear. This approach encourages your child to tell you the truth.
• Appreciate your child's honesty before you both begin to solve the issue that caused him to lie to you.
• The more your child trusts that you will support and guide, rather than punish him for a mistake or wrong-doing, the less he will lie to you.

A few more tips

• Be a good role model. For example, when you lie to someone over the phone that your spouse is not at home when he is actually right next to you, you are giving some really strong signals to your child that lying is okay.
• When your child does something wrong and you are angry, take time to calm down and then approach the situation. Always let her feel that you love her no matter what. It gives her the confidence to come to you with anything.

Always find out why your child is lying. It will help you in your response. More often than not, it's the fear of disappointing or displeasing you. So, be gentle and firm when you deal with your child's lies, no matter what your child's age is.

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