Parent-Child Reminiscing: Benefits Of Revisiting Childhood Memories Together With Children

Rohit, 7, and his mother are curled up on a comfortable sofa. Suddenly, Rohit pipes up, “Ma, do you remember our trip to Shimla two years ago when we saw snow? I loved playing in it!” There is joy in Rohit’s eyes as he recollects the trip.

Jharna, 11, is thinking about the fun she had cooking with her mother when she was younger. “Ma, I remember how we went to the shop to buy vegetables and groceries. We planned the menu together. It took hours to make lunch, but it was so much fun. The music was on, and we would often break into a dance move. You even insisted that I help with the cleaning up, too,” she says with a smile.

Palak, 14, is in a reflective mood. “Pa, I remember Grandpa a lot these days. I miss him.” Her father’s eyes soften. “He has been gone a year, Palak. I still miss him, too. What do you remember most about him?”

Palak replies thoughtfully, “He was very strict and wanted Sanaya and me to be disciplined. But I loved listening to his stories about his ‘good old days.’” Her father laughs gently. “Yes, Dad loved reminiscing about his college days.”

These are examples of children reminiscing with their parents, recalling shared experiences, whether joyful, difficult, or deeply emotional.

What reminiscing means in parent-child relationships

Parent-child reminiscing involves talking together about past events and experiences. Experts believe such conversations strengthen family bonds, help children process emotions, and contribute to emotional and cognitive development.

How reminiscing helps children feel emotionally secure

When done with warmth and sensitivity, reminiscing is a powerful emotional tool for both children and parents.

“Reminiscing is a very powerful tool that helps a child remain anchored to the family. But it must be done with sensitivity. Parents must be mindful and thoughtful about bringing up topics in conversations. Reminiscing is an important part of the parent-child relationship,” says counselling psychologist Subha Parthasarathy, based in Bengaluru.

Why children enjoy hearing stories about their younger years

“Children like to know how they were when they were younger,” says Subha.

• 'Remember how you used to climb trees when you were just seven years old.'
• 'When you were a toddler, you would struggle to tie your shoelaces, but you persisted till you got it right.'
• 'You were so curious, always full of questions!'

“When you talk about a child’s past, describing the challenges they experienced, also mention the emotions felt at that time. When emotions like fear and disappointment are attached to past events, reminiscing is beneficial.” 

Experts say that recalling emotions attached to memories helps children better understand and process their own feelings.

Emotional benefits of reminiscing with children

Subha mentions 4 emotional benefits for children:

• Helps emotional regulation: Children learn that both happy and sad feelings are normal and manageable.
• Builds resilience: Recalling past challenges helps children understand that difficult situations can be overcome.
• Strengthens family bonds: Shared memories help children feel emotionally secure and connected to family members.
• Normalizes life’s ups and downs: Children learn that life includes joy, disappointment, success, and sadness.

How reminiscing supports identity and emotional expression 

• Allows parents to nurture their child’s identity.
• Creates a ‘safe space’ where parents are non-judgmental and support difficult emotions
• Promotes bonding and builds trust through shared moments of joy and sadness

Cognitive and developmental benefits of reminiscing 

Along with emotional growth, reminiscing also supports important cognitive and language skills in children.

How reminiscing strengthens memory and language skills 

• Strengthens autobiographical memory—the ability to recall personal life events.
• Improves narrative skills in children
• Helps build a larger vocabulary, which supports reading skills.

Experts believe that meaningful reminiscing goes beyond simply revisiting happy memories.

Why difficult memories and parental vulnerability also matter

Mumbai-based therapist Dr Aman Bhonsle believes that reminiscing involves a broad spectrum of conversations.

“Great holidays, wonderful meals, and happy family occasions are, anyway, captured in photographs and shared on social media these days by parents or teenagers. It is not very beneficial to reminisce about these.”

Dr Aman feels two forms of reminiscing are useful.

One, when a child remembers moments when family members made them happy.

“For instance, a child may remember how their mother organized their birthday party or how their father regularly picked them up from art class. Such memories create gratitude and strengthen the parent-child bond,” he explains.

Two, when parents recall their mistakes. “For instance, a father may have yelled at his 10-year-old for getting poor marks in school. If the father apologizes to his child, even after a couple of years, it will help repair the relationship. The child will see the parent’s journey behind their mistakes.”

“Family members, especially parents, need visibility and appreciation from their children as much as children like appreciation and encouragement from parents,” he explains.

How reminiscing helps humanise family relationships

Dr Aman believes that sometimes children view parents only as providers, and parents view children as individuals expected to fulfil family aspirations. “These expectations shape the relationship,” says Dr Aman.

Reminiscing can help humanize the relationship, where family members see one another beyond fixed roles. However, he cautions against overdoing it.

“At a time when everyone is constantly on screens, reminiscing can be a healthy alternative practice. Of course, children may not want to revisit certain phases of their past. Some memories may make them uncomfortable or embarrassed. Parents should gently steer clear of such incidents," says Dr Aman.

“Older children are capable of self-reflection and self-soothing. So, too much reminiscing is not ideal, but too little is not good either. Families need to find a healthy balance. Ideally, children should feel: I am aware of my past, but I am living in the present."

What to avoid while reminiscing with children

Subha Parthasarathy cautions that reminiscing should never turn into a lecture.

“Some parents talk about their past, romanticizing their own childhood. ‘We were good kids. We would listen to our parents.’ Instead, parents can share emotional stories, such as how they struggled to learn to cycle as a young child and how frustrated they felt. This helps children understand that difficult emotions are a natural part of life, but the phase passes." 

Subha also believes that parents should not avoid discussing sadness or grief.

“We should not shield children completely from unpleasant emotions because sadness is part of life. I often talk to my own children about my father, who passed away a year ago. I tell them that I miss him deeply, but I am also grateful to have had him in my life,” she says.

Reminiscing is also a meaningful way for children to understand their family history and sense of belonging.

Storytelling helps children develop identity and belonging

Children love hearing stories about themselves. They become curious about their parents’ and grandparents’ childhoods—a natural way of passing down family values, memories, and life lessons across generations. These conversations help children develop a stronger sense of identity and belonging within the family.

Simple ways parents can make reminiscing part of everyday life

Reminiscing does not require elaborate planning or special occasions. Experts suggest that everyday moments work well.

• Use car mealtimes, bedtime, or car rides for conversations
• Ask open-ended questions instead of focusing on exact details
• Encourage children to share what they remember most and what felt important to them.
• Use photographs, drawings, or souvenirs to trigger memories.
• Help children fill the gaps in their memories.
• Ask how they felt during certain experiences.
• Listen patiently and without judging immediately.

Reminiscing helps children feel connected, understood, and emotionally secure

In this modern age of screens, hurried schedules, and disrupted family time, reminiscing with warmth and sensitivity helps rebuild and strengthen family relationships where children feel understood and emotionally secure.

Parent checklist

• Make time for relaxed family conversations
• Encourage children to share memories and emotions openly
• Talk about both joyful and difficult experiences
• Avoid turning reminiscing into lectures or comparisons
• Share age-appropriate stories from your own childhood
• Use photos, music, or souvenirs to spark conversations
• Listen without constantly interrupting or correcting
• Respect children if they feel uncomfortable revisiting certain memories
• Focus on emotional connection rather than factual accuracy
• Help children feel emotionally safe, heard, and understood