Wellness

Hi. It seems my 7-year-old daughter is exploring her body, which is normal. She likes to touch her private parts and likes to fiddle with them. How should I respond?

Answered by Team ParentCircle

Dear Parent,

Yes, you’re right in thinking that even at her age, exploring her body is normal. Pre-schoolers and school-aged children often touch themselves and fondle their private parts out of both curiosity and pleasure. For a lot of them, engaging in such self-gratification is an occasional tension release, a response to boredom, or a need for some comfort. A lot of children do it without being conscious that they’re touching themselves, but since your daughter is aware, you could do the following:

1. Talk to your daughter about what’s acceptable (touching her private parts herself in private) and what’s not (touching herself in public, or asking someone to touch her in private). Use the correct terms for private parts, such as vagina, bum, penis, etc., and educate her about safe and unsafe touch.

2. When she comes and tells you, you’re right in not giving a positive or negative expression. Additionally, you could remind her that touching her own private parts should only be done in private and not in front of anyone.

3. You could also ask her (and figure out yourself) why she touches her private parts. Is it a habit? Does it have to do with comfort? Or with filling in time when she is not engaged or focused on anything else? Or, is it mainly to do with seeking out the pleasure of touching?

4. It will help to find a way to distract her, or engage her in a fun but consuming activity. Or some other comforting behavior (like getting a foot rub or soaking in a warm bubble bath). Or she might just need to get up and start moving or focus on some other activity that will keep her mind from drifting.

5. Depending on her behavior in other contexts (such as school, with her friends, etc.) you need to be concerned about this behavior only if it’s happening in public or even at home if it’s happening unconsciously (in which case you could come up with a signal to remind her to stop).

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