Social media detox: If you give up social media for a week, how are you likely to feel?

Are you addicted? If someone were to ask you this question, say two decades ago, your thoughts would have wavered between a smoke and a drink. Not anymore! Today, the word addiction is more related to gadgets and social media than probably any other ‘substance’. Let’s face it. Social media defines our way of being, the way we view ourselves and each other, and the way we connect with each other. This excessive usage has prompted concerns about its detrimental impact on our lives, our health, and well-being. So, what’s the best way to ‘detox’? Is there one for social media? We find out in this very interesting panel discussion featuring eminent experts in the fields of counselling and psychology. Fasten your seat belts and get set for a ‘detoxifying’ discussion.  

Key legends

M: Moderator
AS: Arundhati Swamy
MS: Meghna Singhal

 Moderator (M): Let’s begin our session by introducing our experts. Today, we have a distinguished panel. I take pride in introducing them. First up, Ms. Arundhati Swamy, a renowned family counsellor and Head of Parent Engagement Programmes at ParentCircle. Welcome ma'am. It’s also my pleasure to introduce Dr. Meghna Singhal, clinical psychologist and parenting consultant at ParentCircle. And yes, joining us with a bagful of questions and their own thoughts on the contentious subject, is a wonderful set of 10 parents. Our topic today as you may already figured out - If you give up social media for a week, how are you likely to feel?

Detox mantra 1: Positive feelings

Parent 1 (smiles): Awesome!

(*everyone laughs*)

Parent 2: I didn’t have my phone on me for 3 months. Trust me, it feels great!

M: And why did it feel great?

Parent 2: Because I realized I now had so much time! I could read books, do yoga uninterrupted by the constant ping of notifications, and even indulge in writing...something I had not done since college days.

Detox mantra 2: Regained time

Parent 1: I didn’t have FB or any other social media app for 3 years after my son was born. Didn’t feel the need. In fact, I got enough time to exercise, take care of my son and myself full time…I got the time to practice my sitar. I even got enough time to start a new venture of making jams and selling them in my apartment complex. So, basically, it never affected my life.

Parent 2: I felt I could reclaim my headspace and began to really enjoy that.

Parent 1: I call it mental bandwidth. Getting off social media helps me recover my mental focus to do deep work- it’s like a shift in focus from ‘what everyone else is doing to what I’m doing’.

Parent 3: If I give up social media for a week, I will get my life back, the way it was back in college days. I would love every moment and live my life, unlike the digital life I’m living right now.

Expert 1 (AS):  It takes a lot of effort and determination to get started on a social media detox. There’s usually a starting trouble. You know you want to commit yourself to a detox, but it takes some time getting down to it. Except as in the case of parent 1, she may not really have had a choice. I guess the engaging new mommy role helped. For many, it’s a story of a few aborted attempts until something powerful just clicks inside.

Expert 2 (MS): First of all, I am pleased to see so many positive responses out here. Social media is so omnipresent in our lives that getting off social media even for some time can feel different. Putting a pause on social media can help us regain time—almost 2 hours daily—which can be spent in meaningful pursuits.

M: Two hours. Wow! That’s like so much time. And what other benefits can pausing social media offer?

Detox mantra 3: Reduced negativity

Parent 3: It’s a great mental detox. I have tried getting off social media, but initially, my FOMO (fear of missing out) increased. Once I stuck to my resolve, I easily managed to ‘push’ away all those push notifications.

Parent 4: About 6 months ago, I would wake up in the morning and first check Twitter or Insta to know what was happening in others’ lives. I hated myself and deleted the apps one fine day. It felt very good. I have given up Instagram and Twitter for almost 6 months.

Parent 5: I should try that. I sometimes get so lost in Facebook that I don’t even help my daughter with her homework.

Parent 3: Each time I decide to temporarily get off social media, I feel so peaceful. No more hate-filled tweets, trolling people for their opinion, no political agendas, and yes, no toxic acquaintances to deal with.

Parent 4: And fewer data privacy and security nightmares to worry about!

Parent 2: Initially, it’s always anxiety, then your brain convinces you to believe in the priorities.

Expert 1 (AS): When you begin to neglect your personal life and start using social media as an escape from your real-life or your problems, it crosses the boundary of normalcy and becomes an addiction. You become mentally preoccupied with it.

Detox mantra 4: Emotional gratification

Expert 2 (MS): And as is true of any addiction, it causes craving (an intense desire for the drug, in this case, social media), tolerance (more and more of it is needed for satisfaction), and withdrawal (experiencing unpleasant consequences when it is stopped). Research has consistently shown how social media addiction is not much different from addiction to other substances (such as alcohol or cocaine).

Parent 5: Oh God, that sounds scary!

Expert 2 (MS): And unlike drug addiction in which males are known to be at higher risk, the addictive use of social media is significantly associated with being female.

Parent 4: That makes sense. I know of so many women, of all ages, who use social media like they would use food—to comfort themselves when they’re feeling upset.

Expert 2(MS): Absolutely, social media use (again, not unlike drug addiction) is related to mood modification, that is, using social media to relieve unpleasant emotional states.

M: That’s an interesting finding. We use social media to get rid of negative emotional states. But is the opposite true as well? Are there parents here who feel that if they get off social media, they’re likely to feel negative?

Detox mantra 5: Temporary unpleasant feelings

Parent 6: Me. I have to be honest here. I have felt quite helpless whenever I have to get off social media.

Parent 7: Yes, I felt the same. I was actually in a situation like this for 2 months. Felt like something was missing in my life and the feeling was not enjoyable.

M (to parent 7): Why do you think you felt something being amiss?

Parent 7: Because we’re so dependent on social media. Even in an eight-minute drive from my house to my son’s school, I end up checking my phone a good 20 times! Yes, I actually counted that. And no, I’m not exaggerating. And I’m sure everyone…almost everyone, young or old, parent or not, is in the same boat.

Parent 6: Yes…I would feel sick getting off social media. It’s the only way for me to socialize, get my dose of entertainment and relieve myself from daily stress.

Detox mantra 6: Fostering connection

Parent 8: I think I’ll feel lost. I would go blank. I can’t think without my phone in this era.

I would not feel happy pausing social media. It’s the only way for me to socialize. I’m a single mother and have found immense support from online communities of single parents….support that I can’t even manage to get from people I meet face-to-face every day, including my own next-door neighbors.

Parent 9: And I have found some of the most interesting people via my online book club. I would never want to get rid of social media, even temporarily.

Expert 2 (MS): Yes, social media facilitates connections and provides opportunities to cultivate learning experiences. These experiences are mostly pleasant and enjoyable. But using only social media for connecting with others is problematic.

Parent 7: I tried giving up social media for 2 days. Do you know what happened? Everyone started messaging me. They thought something was seriously wrong. People were like oh, she has some family issue and going through tough times!

Parent 8: That happened to me too. Not that I was trying to get off social media or anything. My phone screen had cracked and it took me a few days to get it fixed. And the messages in my inbox I found after 2 days... Everyone was wondering where I disappeared- most of them thought I had developed a serious health condition! (Laughs aloud)

M: That’s how much we’re ‘connected’ really!

Expert 1 (AS): The problem occurs when the very means of making connections turn on its head. I’m referring to how social media has allowed people to push their agendas and put their messages in front of us, whereas this is deftly avoided in traditional forms of communication.

Expert 2 (MS): And vice-versa- our own agenda in front of others! How many times do we take multiple selfies, wanting to capture the ‘perfect’ pose? Or share the wittiest update because we want the most positive response possible? Social media has amplified our feelings of seeking acceptance.

Detox mantra 7:  Seeking acceptance

Parent 10: That’s a great point. Whenever I post something, I keep thinking about how many likes, comments or retweets it will get. I’ll take a photo, not like it, and then take another…or 10 others. I use filters to make myself look prettier and worry when I don’t get an adequate number of likes. I don’t know about the connection, but I’ll definitely feel free of this ‘created perfectionism’ if I get off social media.

Parent 7: It’s a façade, what we pretend to do or who we pretend to be on social media. Since when did a number come to define my worth? Since when did having a minimum number of 700 friends or 1k followers matter so much?

Parent 2: It’s not normal…what we do. It’s not normal to submit opinions or pictures for approval from an online crowd. It’s not normal to consume the opinions of people we don’t even know. It’s not normal to wake up in the night to use social media. And it’s not normal returning again and again to it, despite knowing that it can make us feel depressed and alone.

Detox mantra 8: Reduced dependency

M: Great. Parents out here in this forum seem to be absolutely on top of these thoughts. Let’s understand that none of these behaviors were normal even one decade ago. But today they are practiced by billions of people across the globe. The issue is getting ‘trolled’ (if I may use that word) because of social media itself.

Expert 2(MS): Before we start black-painting social media, let us understand that there are no definitive right or wrong approaches to social media. There are only those that work and those that don’t work for you.

Parent 9: Yes, social media works in the way you want it to work for you. One inspirational video pushes me to buy a book. One post about parents prompts me to call my own. One article motivates me and makes my day better. When I see my friends getting married, traveling the world, learning a new hobby, developing a complex skill…it inspires me. Now, whether you do these things for yourself or for acceptance from others…that’s your choice.

Expert 2 (MS): As we draw this session to a close, let us reiterate that like all other technology, the merits and demerits of using this ‘social’ technology depends on the person using it. Social media can be used as a window to the world or as a bottomless pit of ‘self’-isms

Expert 1(AS):  At the end of the day, it is all (and only) about us. I think it’s about figuring what we want for ourselves. Whether it’s from hitting the bottom of the pit or hitting a high there are lots of valuable lessons to learn from our experiences. Social media is here to stay. It is enabling as well as limiting.  Each of us will make a choice that resonates with our personal values and priorities.

What you can do right away…

• Turn off sound notifications and allow yourself to check your phone only once every 1 hour
• Have periods in the day for self-imposed screen-free time (such as during meals)
• When you meet your friends, say for lunch, keep your phones in the middle. The first person to check his/her phone pays the bill