Five Important Parenting Truths We Realized While Saying Goodbye To Our Son At College

Saying goodbye was harder than we expected

It seemed interminable, but the class 12 board exam beast was finally slain!

We had made it and lived to tell the tale.

Amid the celebrations and congratulatory pats on the back for helping our eldest child reach this important milestone, we suddenly realised something profound—our son, Atreyu, would soon be leaving home and heading for college.

It's difficult to describe the unfamiliar feeling that accompanied this realisation. It was a strange combustible mix of hope and fear, joy and sadness, relief and anticipation. A nervous, stray thought would easily fan the flames of dormant parental anxiety.

We valiantly fought back tears as we hugged him and mumbled our goodbyes. There was so much we wanted to say, but Atreyu hurried us along, not unlike the restless agitation of a bird in a cage about to be set free.

"Isn't it time to get going?" he would hint repeatedly, cutting short any hopes of prolonging that bittersweet farewell.

On the drive back to our hotel, our minds were trying to make sense of what we were experiencing.  Over the next few days, we captured our thoughts and realized that this experience had taught us some valuable lessons about parenting.

What letting go taught us

1. Twenty-four per cent. That's all

Assuming our children leave for college at age 18 and live to 75, only about 24 per cent of their lives may actually be spent at home with us. The remaining years will be lived independently. That's not much time, is it?

That thought gave us a new perspective on the precious time we have with our children. We were reminded of Dieter F. Uchtdorf's words: "Love is really spelled T-I-M-E."

We agree.

Make the time to learn who your children are and how they are shaping up. Invest time in strengthening your bond with them. Learn more about their interests, beliefs, fears, and hopes for their future.

If you are telling yourself that you know this, perhaps ask yourself: How much time do I actually spend relaxing and enjoying with my children?'

Eighteen years seems like a long time, especially if you have younger children. But believe us, the cliché is true. Time really does fly.

2. We need to raise our children with their future in mind

Watching Athreyu step into a future we could neither predict nor control made us realise that our job was not just to prepare him for exams, but for life itself. 

We often focus on what we can control. We spend enormous amounts of time and energy worrying about school performance because it's tangible and measurable.

But looking back, we realised that academic success alone may not prepare children for everything life brings.

• Do we know our children's passions, their strengths?
• Are we helping them develop the confidence to adapt to unfamiliar situations?
• Have we encouraged them to take calculated risks, fail, and learn to get back up again?
• What shapes their optimism, values, and vision for their future?

We found ourselves reflecting on these questions.

3. Children experience separation differently  

When we were college students, leaving home and moving far away felt like a major separation. Communication meant letters and occasional phone calls, often spent shouting, "Can you hear me now?"

For this generation, things seem different.

The ability to video call or exchange messages instantly appears to have changed their sense of time and distance.

We experienced this firsthand when Atreyu questioned our desire to return and say goodbye one last time before leaving campus. We wanted to hug him, look into his eyes, and tell him how proud we were.

Maybe, for him, physical distance does not matter that much, because digital connection is always available.

Atreyu's generation takes connectivity for granted—a Wi-Fi connection is almost synonymous with oxygen.

Sometimes we wonder whether digital connection is becoming an acceptable substitute for physical connection for our children.

4. Loving them means trusting them

This sounds good in theory, but it's much harder in practice.

From toddlerhood through the teenage years, we had been involved in almost every important decision in our son's life.

But now, Atreyu had to make decisions and live with their consequences.

All we could do was trust that we had raised him with the wisdom to make good choices and the strength to handle setbacks.

Looking back, we realised that the more opportunities children have to become independent, make decisions, and learn from consequences, the easier it becomes for parents to trust them when they eventually leave home.

And, if you are a spiritual person, you need to trust and take solace in the fact that the Almighty has a loving and watchful eye out for your baby!

5. They are not you

Perhaps somewhere deep down, every parent hopes their child will think like them, make the choices they would, and avoid the mistakes they once made.

But children are not extensions of us.

In college, Atreyu chose a stream that neither of us had pursued. All we could do was ensure that his choice aligned with his abilities, interests, and strengths.

Could those interests change in the future? Absolutely.

And we realised that was perfectly fine.

He wasn't studying to make us happy. He was building his own life.

That experience reminded us that the sooner we appreciate our child's unique character, the better. What are they naturally drawn to? What excites them? What strengths do they possess?

As parents, our role is not to shape children in our image, but to help them become the people they are meant to be.

Their hopes, dreams, challenges, and achievements may look very different from ours.

Accept it.

In fact, celebrate it.

Saying goodbye was hard. Coming back home to Atreyu's empty room was hard. Not laying a plate for him at the table was hard.

We even missed the daily arguments when it was time to wake him up for school.

But what was even harder was recognising the responsibility we parents carry—to raise happy, resilient individuals who love themselves and can love others enough to make a positive, meaningful impact in this world.

Aparna Balasundaram is a counselling psychologist experienced in working with children and families. She is also a parent and writes about parenting through the lens of both personal experience and professional understanding. 

Editorially updated by ParentCircle on June 19, 2026