Expert Answers - Punishment Vs Positive Discipline | In Collaboration with Parenting Matters

Your child has good observation and has observed the heterosexual families. As adults, we perceive boys and girls together a certain way, so its understandable that her love for this boy has you worried.
As parents, we can point out that love is very universal and can be between different individuals. Your love for her, grandparents love, uncles, aunts, her girlfriends and other boys, cousins. Let her experience the abundance of love she carries in her heart.
We need to trust our childrens instincts. Not to push them when they seem reluctant, and not expressly hold them back when they are trusting. But be vigilant around them and their friendships.

Thank you so much for your valuable advice mam !

Every behaviour is driven by a need. Children are trying to meet different developmental needs at all ages, and as a parent we need to help them meet these needs. And if we are not able to do so, then to acknowledge their feelings and be understanding towards them. For example a child jumping on the sofa being asked to stop, refuses to stop and we may end up calling her adamant. But here she is having a high need for movement, and if we are able to meet this need, by giving her an alternative of jumping on a cushion, or taking her out to play, then she will find it easier to comply.
Also, arrogant, sensitive, shy, lazy, hyper, adamant, forgetful, etc, are all the labels we give children.They then start believing this about themselves. We parents are like a mirror and what we reflect is the image children form of themselves. These labels stay with them even when they grow up. Instead if we are able to explore the reason behind the behaviour, then we can look at the child differently.

Please read this article below about forming an image of the child.

https://www.dtnext.in/Lifestyle/Culture/2017/05/02223331/1032776/Science-of-Parenting-Forming-an-image-of-the-child.vpf

Hi Dhinakaran, it is confusing when someone says dont punish, because then we are not sure how else to discipline the child.!! We have learnt parenting watching our parents and from people around, but now there is a lot of research in neuroscience which says that punishment can actually harm the brain development of a child. Every time we punish a child they feel scared and helpless. Feeling this way repeatedly can affect their learning and other skills.
What then is the alternative? When children misbehave, they or only trying to meet their developmental needs. When we understand why a child is behaving in a certain way, we can try to meet the need some other way.
There are many articles on our website which talk about understanding needs and behaviour of children and how we can meet them. please see this link to read the articles

http://www.parentingmatters.in/resources/articles

I wish I could have known such things earlier . It has cleared so many confusions and doubts in my mind. Thank you mam.

http://www.parentingmatters.in/images/pdfs/englishbookletwebsite.pdf

Thank you for sharing. Firstly, wishing you the best for the arrival of your second little bundle of joy. And wonderful to hear what a lovely child your first born is growing up to be! All the loving moments you spent with him is showing!
You have a powerful vision of them growing to be good individuals. Keeping that in mind every interaction , both in words and action with your children EVERY DAY will support that.
It can get busy with two children so Having enough time to take care of your needs, a cup of tea, a walk, time with your partner, getting help with the children will in the long run help you keep your calm, and be able to respond mindfully to your children.

Here are a couple of articles that might help you

https://www.dtnext.in/Lifestyle/LifeStyleTopNews/2017/07/04215918/1037892/Science-of-Parenting-Why-is-parent-selfcare-so-important.vpf??TId=112136

https://www.dtnext.in/Lifestyle/Wellbeing/2019/04/25022422/1115568/Parenthood-Regulation--A-tool-to-keep-us-from-losing-.vpf

Hi Komal, glad that you are wanting to move to positive discipline. We have a detailed booklet on our website which gives the effect of punishment on children and also various tools that you can use to discipline your child positively. Sending you the link. its available for free download.
http://www.parentingmatters.in/images/pdfs/englishbookletwebsite.pdf