Behaviour in 11 - 13 year olds

Hi. Thanks for reaching out to this forum for support. Being away from home must be hard for you. Yet you make the effort to watch out for your family. 

Your daughter is now a teenager. A time when they begin to explore their world and all it has to offer. They look for adventure, thrills and new experiences. Yes, it's possible that her friends are also exploring about witchcraft. 

Here's how you could talk to your daughter about it:

1. Address your emotions about it. Tell yourself it's okay to feel worried and scared, even angry or helpless or frustrated about it. These are normal emotions.

2. Acknowledging your emotions reduces their intensity, makes them more manageable and puts you in a more calm state of mind. 

3. Try to understand your child's perspective.  Have comfortable and open conversations with her. Say, "Tell me more about it. How did you get interested in it?"

The benefits of this approach are:

- she will see you as non-threatening and will feel safe to share her thoughts and ideas more openly with you. 

Be an interested listener as she explains it to you. If she says things that upset you, take deep breaths to calm yourself, else she will shut down and stop sharing with you. 

- Do not interrupt her with comments. And do not criticize her friends because it will hurt her. She can't talk to yiu freely when her feelings are hurt. Instead, focus on your daughter. Let her communicate as much as possible. You need to listen to her story.

3. The open sharing will give you more clarity. Because you have allowed her to express her thoughts and have listened to her with interest, she will appreciate it and be open to discuss further with you. 

4 . This is the opportune time to start problem solving.

- Thank her for sharing openly with you.

- share your concerns and ask for her help. Say, "I'm worried about...How can you help me?" 

Because both of you are now in open states of mind, it will be easier to find solutions together.

It may not be as simple as it sounds, so take it slow. You may have the conversations over a few days. Your emotions may get triggered at times. Be aware when it happens to you or your child, take a break to settle your emotions. Do what works for you - drink a glass of water, take a walk, hum a tune, and so on. The idea is to talk things out in a calm state of mind so that the difficult emotions don't cause you to disconnect from each other.

We hope the problem will get resolved soon. We're also sharing links to articles you may find useful.

https://www.parentcircle.com/how-to-deal-parenting-challenges/article

https://www.parentcircle.com/in-between-an-exclusive-teen-video-series-72b6a/community-discussion

https://www.parentcircle.com/dr-laura-markham-discussion-video-on-what-quality-time-with-children-really-means/article

https://www.parentcircle.com/interview-with-dr-dan-siegel/article