You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Your child needs your presence, not your presents.” Let’s dive deeper into the meaning of presence and see why it holds key to effective parenting
Do you remember the days when grandma or mom would take the child outside, or up to the terrace, to feed him? The mother would engage her child by pointing to the birds or the butterflies, or even the moon and the stars at night. She would tell stories and sing songs to the child as she fed him.
Fast-forward to today. The mother still has the same intention of making sure the child is eating her food. But now she just gives the child her phone or tablet, or switches on the TV. The child is engrossed in listening to the rhymes or watching a story on the screen. The mother finishes feeding her child. Mission accomplished!
In both cases, the mother is physically present, and she’s making an effort to feed her child. Then, what’s different about the two scenarios? Let’s take a closer look.
In the first scenario, you’ll notice there’s a lot of interaction between mother and child as they share stories and sing songs and observe nature together. Now, in the second scenario, the interaction is happening between the child and her screen. The child is probably so engrossed in her screen, she’s completely oblivious to her mother’s presence or even to what she’s eating.
In the first scenario, the mother is more than just physically present. Through her interactions, she’s also mentally and emotionally present for her child. In the second scenario, where the child is focused on the screen, the mother is physically present, but mentally and emotionally, she’s completely absent from her child. So, when you hear the phrase, “Your child needs your presence, not your presents,” it’s actually referring to you being emotionally and mentally present for your child, not just being physically present for her.
Let’s first explore why your “presence” is so important for your child.
Your “presence” is the key to building a connection, a trusting relationship with your child. It builds a circle of love and security for your child. When your child feels connected to you, she feels:
Knowing that you’re available to her when she needs you, your child is ready to explore the world, to learn and grow. She’s ready to listen to what you have to say to her because she trusts you and knows you truly care.
More than the amount of time you spend with your child, connection really is about spending little moments through the day, letting your child know you’re available to listen and share. Let’s explore some ways to create these little moments of connection throughout the day.
In every home, mornings are rushed. Parents are getting ready for work, children are getting ready for school, breakfast must be prepared, lunch has to be packed, the list goes on and on. So how do you take the time to connect during this chaotic morning rush hour? Instead of screaming and yelling at your child to hurry up and get ready, you could pause for just a few minutes to connect.
What you can do to connect
A family that eats together, stays together. Great conversations can happen around the dinner table. However, today, each family member has a different routine and a different mealtime. Additionally, during mealtimes, we tend to turn on the TV, or we are busy on our mobiles, chatting or scrolling through social media. This takes away an opportunity to connect as a family.
What you can do to connect
The moment your child is back from school, take a few minutes to connect. Your child looks forward to coming home after a tiring day at school.
What you can do to connect
It’s the end of the day, time to wind down. But it’s also a time to connect with your child. Instead, many of us relax at the end of the day by watching TV or watching a movie before we go to bed. Today, many parents put on audio stories for their children to listen to before going to bed, versus taking the time to read to them. This is another missed opportunity to connect.
What you can do to connect
Your child looks forward to your acknowledgment and appreciation for what he has done. Moments of achievement can be turned into moments of shared joy and connection. Your child may come to you to show you something he has done—a painting, a math problem he has solved, a story he has written. Or he may be excited to talk to you about his cricket game. You may take a quick look and say, “Wow, that’s fantastic, I’m proud of you,” and then return to your work or your phone call. You have missed an opportunity to connect!
What you can do to connect
Your child may be experiencing some difficult emotions. She may be upset or disappointed or frustrated over something that happened either in school, at home, or with friends. During such times, she needs someone she can turn to who will understand and empathize with her, someone who will soothe her and help her calm down. It’s a moment to connect.
What you can do to connect
Besides sneaking in a few minutes through the day to connect with your child during your daily routine, your child will look forward to spending some special time doing different things with you. These are wonderful opportunities to bond and connect.
What you can do to connect
As you can see, there are many, many opportunities throughout the day to be present for your child and build those connections. But remember to switch off your gadgets to turn on these moments of connection.
Every connection you make strengthens the trust and bond between you and your child. It provides the spark for your child to thrive, learn, and grow to be a confident, caring, and successful person.
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Comments
Jyothi Prabhakar 191 days ago
A very useful article. Thank you ParentCircle. Keep them coming!
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