Do You Reward Your Child For Good Grades?

Ten-year-old, Ryan shows his report card to his parents with a comment that all his friends who had secured good grades were getting gifts from their parents. He too wants to be rewarded for doing well in studies.

Do such scenes play out in your home? Does your child expect something in return for good grades? What about their friends? What do they get as rewards?

Recently, we came across a parent's blog about rewarding kids for good grades. In the blog, the parent talks about how she does not believe in rewarding her children for doing well in studies.

Read the article here: PARENT OPINION: Unlike some parents, I won't reward my kids' grades with extravagant gifts.

It piqued our interest and we wanted to find out what parents in India thought about this. Every parent will have his or her own parenting style, based on which they might choose to reward their child for good grades. Or not. And they would have their own way of rewarding their children as well. When it comes to raising children, Indian parents often have very different takes compared to the rest of the world. So, we decided to get in touch with a few Indian parents and find out their opinion on the topic.

This is what parents told ParentCircle:

Ashok Biswas, dad of two adorable twin boys, says, "No, I don't reward my kids for good grades. At the most, I might give them a pat on the back. I might buy them a chocolate or chips if I see that they are being kind and are willing to share it with others."

Sayantani Ray, mother of a 6-year-old boy, says, "Yes, whenever my son does well in studies, we reward him with an ice-cream or a sandwich. As my son loves going to the park, I also use it as a reward for doing well in studies. Rewarding him for doing well makes him happy and his happiness is our ultimate satisfaction."

Swathi G, mom, says, "Right now, I try not to praise my 3-year-old for simple accomplishments like opening a box or fixing a Lego set. Instead, I ask her how she did it, so she can learn from what she did.

The same applies to school grades. I want my child to learn at school to widen her understanding, and not just for the sake of getting high scores in tests. I do not want my child to feel pressured to study so that she can get a gift from mom and dad for topping her class. I will definitely be proud of what she achieves, but I feel one must be clear about what kind of appreciation can help children grow and what cannot."

Rashmi Harish, mother of 7-year-old Hansika, says, "I sometimes buy her toys for doing well in studies. For instance, last year, she put in lot of hard work for her Olympiad exam and did really well in it. So, as a reward for her efforts, I got her an expensive LOL doll which had been on her wish list for a long time. I feel we must appreciate our children's hard work and their efforts to excel in studies. It motivates them like no words can."

Kirti Singh, mother of Abhiraj and Abhinav, who are in class 7 and 3, respectively, says, "Last October, the whole family was not keeping well. Especially both my kids. Their mid-term exams were going on then. I told them to take it easy and just appear for the exam if they can. Both of them took the exam without much preparation and did well. They said that since they always pay attention in class, they could manage it without burning the midnight oil. To appreciate their attitude and dedication to studies, I baked a cake for them and prepared their favorite food on the day the results were announced. We even made a small video while cutting the cake to show it to their dad later. It may have been a small gesture, but my kids told me that it made their day."

Shwetha, mom to 8-year-old Armaan, says, "We do reward our son, not only for good grades but also for anything he does that deserves to be applauded. I try not to have a barter system where I trade gifts for good grades as it puts unnecessary pressure on him, especially during exams. But when he does well, and exceeds my expectations, I ask him what he would like to have - his options could be a junk food party, a pizza party, an additional holiday or starting holiday tasks a little late, etc. We just ensure that what he achieves is celebrated."

Nazneen Wasim, resident of Reading, UK, and mom to Farish, who is in 11th grade, says, "We never put pressure on him for good grades, but I ask my son what he wants if he scores good marks. And it is not restricted to academics. Recently, we celebrated his A-grade in piano with a dinner at his favorite restaurant. For me, it is about letting him know that he's loved."

Pallavi Bordoloi, mother of two school-going daughters, says, "Whenever my daughters do well in school or get an A-plus in a subject, we order pizza for them, just to make them feel that they have achieved something, however small it may be. However, I read the blog by the mom and I could see where she was coming from. We should not let our kids think that they are doing us favor by getting good grades."

Suman Dhar, mother to an engineering student, says, "We never promised our son money or toys in lieu of good grades. He is in college, and even now, he does not ask us for money. But we give him extra pocket money to celebrate with his friends for small events like semester breaks or other college stuff."

Srishti Kulkarni, who is raising two girls in South Carolina, USA, says, "Yes, I do reward them. I appreciate their good grades by gifting them something of their choice, which is of nominal value mostly."

Reena Parveen of Mumbai says, "Whenever my daughter does well in studies, we take her out for lunch or dinner. It feels good to celebrate her success."

Anjumoni Deori, mom to Aansh, an 8th class student, says "During the lockdown, when online classes started, my son had difficulty adjusting to the new teaching style. He missed his buddies at school and found online learning boring. We talked to him and made him understand that, due to the pandemic, the whole world has to adjust to the new normal and online classes are going to stay for some time. By mid-term, he slowly adjusted to the new system and scored good grades. To celebrate his efforts, I made an elaborate spread that weekend. We also took him out for a short vacation to keep his mind off negative thoughts."

Rupa M of Bangalore says, "From a very young age, I used to give money to my son for getting good grades. I wanted to teach him money management early on. So I gifted him a big piggy bank and encouraged him to put all the money he gets in it. Every time he got good grades, he used to come to me to ask for money to be put into the piggy bank. My son is in college now and I can proudly say he knows his finances well."

So, parents, do you reward your child for getting good grades and what are your reasons for doing so? Do write to us with your views on the topic.

Also read: Why Grades Don't Really Matter

What Should You Do When Your Child Gets Poor Marks?

About the author:

Written by Monali Bordoloi on 8 January 2021.

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