Common Discipline Mistakes Of Pushover Parents That Parents Should Be Aware Of

Every parent is different when it comes to raising children. You could be rigid and strict and try to control every aspect of your child's life. Or you may be the type to allow your child to learn through exploration and experience, and you intervene only when it is absolutely necessary.

Or you could be the kind of parent who is easy-going and loves to indulge your little one. If so, you set boundaries but let your child have her way always, and you don't hold her accountable for anything. Children seem to love and enjoy such freedom. But, in the long run not keeping your child within safe emotional boundaries can have serious consequences.

If you are such a parent, know that it is not a healthy development for your child. For children of lenient parents tend to gain the upper hand in the parent-child equation. In time, your child may begin to see you as a pushover.

Signs of being a pushover parent

While parents are expected to take care of their children, if you are a pushover parent, you may take things too far. You:

• give in to your child's demands to avoid conflicts
• are afraid of displeasing your child
• want to see your child happy always
• blame others for your child's mistakes
• make excuses for your child's misbehavior

Negative effects of being a pushover parent

Naturally, you have the best of intentions for your child. You want a peaceful household and a constantly happy child. Unfortunately, this comes at a price.

For this means that as a pushover parent, you have low expectations of your child. So he is never motivated or challenged to fulfill his potential. As your child always get what he wants, he will be in for a rude shock when he steps out into the world and finds that others are not as generous as his parents. Being lenient you shy away from correcting your child's troublesome behaviors, thereby encouraging him to continue to misbehave. Obviously, being too lenient isn't always the right thing to do.

Discipline mistakes that can change any parent into a 'pushover parent'

1. Bending the rules often: Bending the rules once in a while is alright. For example, you can allow your child to stay up late to watch the finals of the Football or Cricket World Cup. However, if this happens too often or you allow your child to get his way it is bound to lead to indiscipline. After all, there's no point in making agreements if they are rarely followed.

• What you could do instead: An easy way for you to get your child to adhere to agreements is to sit down with her and work them out together.  Research shows a child who is a part of the agreement-making process is more likely to follow them. Also, at the same time, let your child decide on the consequence she must face for breaking an agreement. It makes her feel more responsible for herself. Accept that she may sometimes choose to break an agreement and face the consequence. It's an exercise and learning in making decisions.

2. Backing down: Deciding on consequences is all well and good. But, what happens when you back down and don't follow through? For example, suppose you tell your child that he can watch his favorite TV show only when homework is done. However, instead of listening to you, he goes on to grab the remote and begin watching TV. And, you don't do anything. You, in effect, back down - you do nothing to redirect him to what he is supposed to be doing. Nor do you enforce the consequence. As a result, over time, your child comes to understand that he can get away with what he can control you.  This power in the hands of a child can make him feel scared and confused.

• What you could do instead: Once you both have decided on the agreements and the consequences, follow through with the consequence. Calming your emotions will help you stay on track. Your child realizes that you are firm about not giving in to him.

3. Resorting to bribery:   As a pushover parent, you may end up bribing your child to get him to cooperate with you. However, bribing your child teaches him to value the bribe more than the task at hand. And he learns to put off doing his tasks until the bribe is offered. New and better ways of behaving are never established.

• What you could do instead: Instead of offering your child a bribe, explain your expectations to our child. Begin with doing the little tasks together, make them fun, and appreciate your child for her efforts. You could reward your child's efforts with fist-bumps, a high five gesture, and an occasional treat such as extra playtime or a special outing.

4. Keeping the child happy at all costs: Every parent wants their child to be happy. But, as a pushover parent, you are willing to go to any lengths to ensure this - to the extent of giving in to all your child's demands. Your child will never learn to take No for an answer, instead, will use tantrums or a sad face to make you feel guilty and give in to him.

• What you could do instead: It's normal for your child to experience a wide range of emotions, even the difficult ones such as anger, frustration, sadness, and fear. Much as it may pain you to see your child go through these emotions, you must accept them as opportunities for showing understanding and empathy. So, make room for conversations about his emotions. These are his first steps in learning how to regulate his emotions.

5. Trying to be a friend: Some parents are concerned about not being liked by their child if they impose their authority. If you are such a parent, you always try to be friendly with your child. Instead of guiding the child and helping him make the right choices, you feel that as his buddy, you must allow him to do whatever he wants to. But trying to be a friend blurs all boundaries of the all-important parent-child equation in the relationship.

• What you could do instead: Understand that it is your responsibility to ensure your child grows into a well-adjusted individual. Being friendly with your child creates an atmosphere of fun and playfulness which are essential for bonding with your child.

As a parent, find a balance in how you raise your child. Have the courage to discipline him, even if this upsets him for a while. Trust us, when he grows up, he will look back and be grateful for it.