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    Together At Home: From Chaos To Harmony

    Nalina Ramalakshmi Nalina Ramalakshmi 12 Mins Read

    Nalina Ramalakshmi Nalina Ramalakshmi

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    Written by Nalina Ramalakshmi and published on 13 May 2021.

    What happens when families suddenly have to live together 24x7 within the confines of their home? Could it lead to chaos? Or could families spend this time together bonding in harmony? Find out

    Toddler to 18+
    Together At Home: From Chaos To Harmony

    "Thanks to the coronavirus, my gym is now closed, and all my fitness classes are moving online. At 6 am, on the morning of my first online class, I signed in via Zoom and started exercising as the instructor shouted out instructions - '1-2-3-4 - LIFT YOUR ARM - BEND YOUR KNEE.' Shortly thereafter, I heard my daughter (back home from college due to the corona break), mumbling and grumbling, half asleep, on a bed nearby. Don't you get it, mom? I'm trying to sleep here." - Mathari, Chennai.

    "The other day I opened the cupboard to grab my favorite bag of chips. All I found was an empty bag with crumbs strewn all over. The culprits (you guessed right) - my little rascals who are at home all day because schools are closed." - Sriram, Bengaluru.

    "I'm trying to work from home. But my kids want to play on my computer, or they are constantly fighting over something or the other. I find it so hard to focus and get my work done. I can't wait to get back to the office." - Menaka, Mumbai

    Sounds familiar? Take heart! You are not alone! Families across the globe are suddenly having to stay within the confines of their homes to help stop the spread of the novel coronavirus. They have nowhere to go and no one to visit and they are stuck with each other 24x7. There is a sudden change of routine for everyone. Parents have to work from home, some children have schoolwork to do while others are on vacation. Even stay-at-home moms find their space invaded and their routines disrupted.

    But, not to worry. Here's what you can do to turn the chaos and conflict caused by this sudden change into peaceful and engaging moments as a family:

    1. Keep the calm

    The first step is for you to keep your calm to weather any storm in the house.

    Me-time

    Make some me-time for yourself every day pray, meditate, do yoga or exercise, nap, read, paint or take up a hobby. Do something that relaxes you.

    Manage the conflicts

    Yes, expect the shouting and fighting between the children, and even between adults and children. When your children fight:

    • Stay calm, don't judge or take sides. Don't punish.
    • Describe what you see - "I see both of you are fighting over the remote."
    • Let your children know you understand how they feel - "You must be so mad at your brother for not letting you watch what you want on TV."
    • Coach them on how to listen, communicate and find solutions - "Can you ask your sister why she grabbed the remote from you? How do you think your sister feels when you hit her? What can you do to make her feel better?"
    • Diffuse the situation with humor and play - "The remote is mine. Let's see if you can catch me to get it."

    2. Have a family meeting

    This is the time for open conversations to understand each other's feelings and how you can all come together as a family. What can you do to take away the stress of being together all the time and bring in joy instead? If you have young children, keep the meetings simple and discuss age-appropriate, relevant issues. This is not a time to be discussing your financial worries or other career concerns with your children.

    Call a family meeting

    Invite all the adults and children in your house to the meeting. Pick a time (at least once a week), when everyone is in a relatively good mood.

    Set up a suggestion box

    Encourage everyone to write and share their frustrations and suggestions and drop them in the box before the meeting.

    Discuss

    • Have each one talk about the sudden changes that have happened in the recent days and how it has impacted their lives.
    • Let each one share what they are feeling their fears and anxieties, their challenges and frustrations, what they hate or love, or what they are enjoying. This will help all the family members to understand each other and be mindful of each other's needs.
    • Answer any questions that come up regarding the COVID-19 virus with facts from trusted sites.
    • Open the suggestion box and read out the suggestions. Anyone can share other suggestions to improve things around the house. Here are a few examples:
    1. I need some quiet time between 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. in the morning to take calls from work
    2. Can we each have a specific bath time so we don't fight to use the bathroom?
    3. Can we have ice cream for dessert every day after dinner?
    4. I need my own space to read quietly without my sister jumping on me
    5. I don't want to be woken up before 10 a.m. every morning.

    Agree on a plan

    The goal of the meeting is for everyone to agree on a plan of action that includes a daily schedule, respect for each other's space within the house, and making a list of activities for each person to engage in.

    3. Make a schedule

    Suddenly, there are no schedules, no routines for anyone. This only adds to the chaos and stress. It's always a good idea to build some structure or routine into our daily lives to make things more predictable and comfortable for ourselves and our children. But remember to keep it flexible. For each member of your family, you can create a plan and a schedule.

    Have a daily schedule 

    You can always keep Sunday as a day of relaxation, completely open, without any schedule. Keep adjusting the daily schedule till you find one that works well for each one. Make sure the schedule is tailored to the age and interests of each person.

    Here's a sample weekday schedule:

    TimeActivity
    7:00 amWake-up time
    7:15 am - 8:00 amYoga and meditation
    8:00 am - 8:30 amBath and getting ready
    8:30 am - 9:00 amBreakfast
    9:00 am - 11:00 amStudy session 1
    11:00 am - 11:15 amSnack break
    11:15 am - 12:30 pmActivity of the day
    12:30 pm - 1:30 pmLunch break
    1:30 pm - 3:30 pmStudy session 2
    3:30 pm - 4:00 pmSnack break
    4:00 pm - 5:30 pmSpecial interest / hobby / exercise
    5:30 pm - 7:00 pmFree Time / family time / chores
    7:00 pm - 8:00 pmDinnertime
    8:00 pm - 8:30 pmReading time/storytime
    8:30 pm - 9:00 pmBedtime routine
    9:00 pmLights out

    Make a weekly plan

    You may want to have a special activity planned for each day of the week. Here is a sample:

    Weekly plan
    Monday: Art and craft
    Tuesday: Cooking
    Wednesday: Music/Drama
    Thursday: Science experiments
    Friday: Design and build
    Saturday: Know your culture

    Set limits

    When your child knows what you expect her to do, she feels safer and more comfortable, and it reduces any chance of conflict.

    • Together with your child, set simple rules and have appropriate expectations so your child knows what you expect from him - "Only 30 mins of TV today", "You need to put away your toys before bedtime."
    • Acknowledge and appreciate your child for following the rules.
    • Be firm and consistent in enforcing the rules.
    • If your child repeatedly breaks the rules, be sure you follow through on any agreed-upon consequences -"You have watched more than the agreed-upon screen time today; you will have to give up your screen time tomorrow."

    4. Respect each other's space

    The house may suddenly seem overcrowded with everyone in the house all day long. Just when you are ready to sit down to work, you may find your child is sitting on your chair, busy drawing and painting on your desk. Or, you may be cooking a meal while your children kick the ball around you. Such situations can lead to arguments and conflicts. So why not designate special zones or rooms in your house such as Quiet Zone, Work Zone, Playing and Jumping Zone, Reading Zone, Do-Not-Disturb Zone, and so on. This way, your child knows that if you are working in your Work Zone he cannot come into that space, or if it is a Quiet Zone, no one should make noise there.

    5. Respect each other's time

    You have that important meeting you have to join online. But that's when your child wants you to play with her. What do you do?

    No-disturb time

    You can always let your family know that certain times of the day are No Disturb times when you have to work or do other things for yourself. Put up a sign outside your work area that says, NO-DISTURB TIME. Your children will understand. They too can let you know if there are times when they do not want to be disturbed.

    Special time

    Make each child feel special by spending one-on-one time every day with each one of them.

    Split time

    If you have younger children at home who will need to be supervised, take turns with your partner or another adult to keep an eye on them and keep them engaged.

    Family time

    Just as we set aside me-time, it is also important to set aside family time, when the whole family gets together it could be over a meal, or a game, or a planned activity. You do not want to miss this opportunity to connect and bond with each other.

    6. Be engaged

    With all the time on hand, children need to be engaged, we need to be engaged. Some boredom is good and necessary to get one's creative and imaginative thinking going. But too much boredom can lead to lethargy and dullness and this can lead to squabbling and fighting. So, what can you do to keep your whole family entertained and engaged?

    Make a list

    Before you decide on activities for your child, have him list out all that he is interested in doing. Give him suggestions, but let him choose what he wants to do. This way he will show more interest and be more engaged in whatever activity he takes up.

    Screen time

    This is one time it's okay for you to allow your child to play video games, watch TV, engage in digital learning and other online activities. But make sure you limit the time your child spends on TV, computers, and online as she must engage in a variety of activities throughout the day to stimulate all her senses.

    Here's a list of activity ideas to get you and your child started:

    Your child can:

    • Learn something new to speak a new language, to code, to make videos, to design graphics, to cook, to paint, and more.
    • Do something challenging she's been nervous to try
    • Watch movies, videos for entertainment and education
    • Do puzzles and play single-person games
    • Play video games
    • Take online courses
    • Explore hobbies and interests
    • Read, read, read
    • Enjoy listening to his favorite music
    • Do art and craft
    • Write notes or make cards for grandparents
    • Do science experiments
    • Keep a journal or write a story or blog
    • Do schoolwork/homework/projects
    • Help with chores and cooking at home
    • Play by himself with toys and building blocks
    • Pull out old cardboard boxes and other stuff around the house and play with them imagining, creating, building
    • Do yoga and fitness exercises
    • Pretend play - young children love to play dress-up and imitate older people
    • Help do groceries and essential errands for a neighbor in need, if your child is older

    As a family you can:

    • Play word games and number games
    • Do puzzles together
    • Play multiplayer video games
    • Put up a play/drama together
    • Put up a puppet show
    • Do chores together
    • Clean up and declutter your house
    • Do a home makeover
    • Do DIY projects together
    • Play board games and indoor games
    • Plan and cook a meal together
    • Put on the music and dance together
    • Do yoga and exercise together
    • Get together to pray and meditate
    • Have story time - tell stories and read together
    • Have a terrace picnic or campout
    • Watch movies together
    • Grow and nurture a garden indoors or outdoors
    • Learn a new language or learn about a new country or culture together
    • Pretend-play together by setting up a pretend shop, play doctor-patient or teacher-student, make your child your masseur, hairdresser, or make-up artist, travel on a pretend spaceship together, build a house with chairs and pillows and sheets, and let your child's imagination lead the way.

    7. Keep in touch

    Now, your children are probably physically disconnected from their grandparents, favorite aunts, uncles and cousins, and of course their friends. It is an unusual time when we need to connect digitally to keep our connections with the outer world going.

    Call, chat

    Allow your children to stay connected with their extended family and friends through video calls, messaging, and social media.

    Play online

    They can also go online and play games together.

    Set limits on screen time

    Just remember to limit the time they spend chatting and playing with friends, so they have time for family and other activities.

    Yes, we are in a period of uncertainty and our world suddenly seems to have turned upside down. But look on the bright side. You now have time, like never before, to be together as a family and have fun. It's time to hit the pause button and re-evaluate your priorities in life.

    Bring meaning to your life as you rebuild connections with your loved ones. Take the time to appreciate your family, the people in your life, and the beautiful world around you. Relish in the everyday little moments and reclaim the joy you deserve in your life.

    Comments

    Bharani Mar 30 2020

    Very nice

    Tharini Mar 25 2020

    I can relate to.mu family

    Tharini Mar 25 2020

    Wow

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