10 Mistakes Overprotective Parents Make That Can Hold Their Children Back in Life

As parents, we are instinctively protective of our children. How we protect our children is dictated by the ever-changing physical and social environment we live in.

Overprotection, whether intentional or not, is an exaggerated or misguided way of showing our love for our children. Overprotective parenting comes from certain life experiences around parenting that have been imprinted in our subconscious minds. Thus, whatever we do feels so right. However, it doesn't always turn out right!

For instance, we may feel the urge to always do more than what is necessary for our children and to give them what they want, whenever they want, just to keep them happy. Or maybe we did not feel protected enough in childhood, so we protect our children more than is necessary. We also tend to overprotect children who are 'special' - a child born after a prolonged wait, a child who has suffered a life-threatening experience, an adopted child, an only child, or a favored child.

However, overprotection can hurt a child's self-esteem and their ability to become an independent and confident individual.

10 mistakes overprotective parents make and how it affects children:

1. Overindulgence - When parents give children much more than what they need. The indulged or pampered child usually grows up to be self-centered, selfish and demanding. Entitlement becomes their right.
2. Intrusion - When ever-curious parents lack trust in their children. They constantly snoop around their personal belongings and make inquiries from their friends, thus intruding on their privacy. The children harbor resentment and anger, which lead to conflicts with their parents.
3. Restrictions - When over-concerned parents lay down irrelevant and inappropriate restrictions for fear of their children misbehaving. The children become inhibited and fearful and may withdraw into a shell for comfort.
4. Control - When parents believe that children must be kept under strict control to protect them from harm or getting into trouble. A strictly controlled child usually finds ways to outsmart or deceive parents.
5. Manipulation - When parents try to manipulate the environment to protect their children from experiencing defeat, frustration, emotional pain, and disappointments. Such children are deprived of learning valuable life skills like resilience, hard work, problem-solving, learning from failure, and accepting defeat with grace. Devious means, ruthlessness, and unhealthy competition become their strategies to stay ahead.
6. Low expectations - When parents have low expectations of their children and discourage them from taking responsibility for themselves and their tasks. The children grow up to be irresponsible adults, expecting their colleagues and spouses to accept and support their 'life is easy' attitude.
7. Over-dependency - When parents encourage children to stay overly dependent on them because it feeds their own unmet emotional needs. The children encounter difficulties in building wholesome relationships with others and, later on, in intimate relationships with their partners.
8. To the rescue - When parents anticipate children's needs and meet them even before they ask. This leads to learned helplessness, where children's self-belief is poor, and so they lean on others for support. They lack confidence in their abilities to solve problems.
9. Micro-management - When parents closely monitor every aspect of their child's life and deprive them of the space and opportunities to learn through curiosity, exploration, and discovery. These children become fearful, nervous, and anxious in social situations and easy victims of bullies.
10. Over-parenting - When over-involved parents hover around the child to ensure that they meet no hurdles or challenges. The children learn to be helpless and passive in negative situations and feel hopeless and powerless to face them or change them. They blame themselves for their incompetencies and failures and are unwilling to do something about it. Such a mindset in adult life could destroy their career prospects and interfere with family relationships.

Answer the following questions with a YES or NO to see if you are an overprotective parent:

Do you:

1. Panic or feel distressed when your child has a fall and bleeds a little.
2. Anticipate a difficulty and sort it out before your child can face it.
3. Get picky about your child's friends because of potential 'bad influence.'
4. Solve problems for your child when help is not required.
5. Create situations to ensure success for your child.
6. Decide who should be your child's friends.
7. Check your child's phone messages or call up your child's friends to find out more.
8. Text your child several times to know their whereabouts.
9. Disapprove of your child taking small risks or making mistakes.
10. Talk to the teachers almost every day to see how your child is doing.
11. Believe that your child is always right and others are wrong.
12. Take ownership of all that your child neglects to do on their own.
13. Believe that your child should not be mischievous to avoid getting complaints from others.
14. Advise your child that those around them are bad and should not be trusted.
15. Ask your child to avoid sports and games to prevent injuries.
16. Avoid giving your teen child small errands to run because they have to cross the road.
17. Keep a sterile home so that your child doesn't pick up infections.
18. Comfort your child when they are not distressed or mildly distressed but not struggling with it.
19. Tell your child what to do and how to do it because you know what's best and to prevent mistakes.
20. Insist on helping or doing things for your child to ensure better results.

If you have answered YES to most of the above questions, you are likely an overprotective parent. So, take a few moments to self-introspect and understand what's driving you to overprotect your child. There's always a deeper reason that you may not be aware of. Getting to the root of it is the first step in helping yourself overcome it.

"Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child." (author unknown). Because even overprotected children grow up. You require emotional strength to watch your child experience mild discomfort in social interactions, face little challenges, and handle mild distress. These experiences prepare your child for bigger challenges and adversities in life. The skills learned during childhood will mature into competencies required to lead a productive adult life.

So, think again. Are you preparing your child for future independence, competence, and emotional stability?  If not, what would it take for you to change?