Scolding Your Children To Discipline Them? Parents, Know Your Limits

Compared to adults, children exhibit a different kind of energy. Most of the time, they are active and playful, noisy, and enjoy everything they do. Parents also enjoy watching their lively little ones express joyful emotions, play, talk, imagine, and so on.

However, it's natural for parents to overreact to a child's playfulness or misbehavior, especially when they are preoccupied or overwhelmed with work, tired, or emotionally triggered. Scolding the child is a common reaction. Instead, what if parents could be patient and understand the reason behind a child's actions? Easier said than done! But understanding a child's emotions and feelings requires parents to be able to first regulate their own emotions. It would help to remember the saying, 'Handle with Care'.

Children are great imitators. For example, if you shout, they will learn to shout back; if you scold them, they will learn to do the same to someone else. Since your child will grow up to emulate your behaviors and actions, it would be wise to reflect upon the behaviors your child observes in you.

'A perfect child' or 'a perfect parent' does not exist. So, there will be times when your child tries your patience. And, while some children may express their displeasure at being scolded, others may suppress the hurt.

Impact of harsh words

Using harsh words constantly amounts to emotional abuse. Experts believe that the psychological effects of being yelled at are as bad as, and sometimes even worse than, physical abuse. Therefore, as a parent, you must be aware of the harmful psychological effects of scolding.

Consistent scoldings make a child feel humiliated, fearful, guilty, ashamed, anxious, and stressed. All these could lead to developmental delays, sleep-related problems, behavioral problems, learning problems, and trouble in forming social relationships.

Myths and facts about scolding children

Myth: Parents never abuse their children.

Fact: Parents indulge in emotional abuse when they consistently scold or hit their children.

Myth: Scolding can help discipline your child.

Fact: It does not instill discipline. Instead, it could cause emotional distress and behavioral problems.

Myth: Scolding your child in public can make them listen to you.

Fact: It makes your child feel humiliated and embarrassed.

Myth: Scolding your child can make them tell the truth.

Fact: It may lead them to hide the truth and find ways not to get caught.

Myth: Scolding helps parents control their child's behavior.

Fact: It makes a child fearful, defiant, or aggressive.

Myth: Good parents don't get irritated or angry at their child's behavior.

Fact: At times, all parents feel annoyed by their child's behavior. It is okay to be angry, but it is wrong to hurt the child in anger.

Myth: Scolding can ensure that your child will always listen to what you say.

Fact: It is not the key to making your child listen to you. Instead, it may lead to uncooperative, violent, or withdrawn behavior.

Scolding is not a good weapon for parents or parenting. Be a positive parent and inculcate positive parenting techniques. Never abuse your children by not knowing the limits of scolding. Always keep this in your mind, yelling silences your message. Speak quietly so your children can hear your words instead of just your voice - L.R.Knost

Building connections with your child

A warm and trusting parent-child relationship helps a child choose positive behaviors. Here's how you can build connections with your child :

• Wake up your child calmly and pleasantly. It gives them a good start to the day.
• Encourage your child to help with the chores and appreciate their efforts.
• Correct your child firmly. Give appropriate reasons and explanations.
• Make mealtimes pleasant. It's a good time for family bonding.
• Make bedtime routines calm and soothing. It prepares for a good night's rest.
• Stop using harsh and hurtful words. Instead, describe what you feel, and express your concerns.
• Take your child aside and correct them. It makes them feel safe and respected.
• Send your child to school with a smile. It creates a happy frame of mind for you and your child.
• Receive your child from school with joy. It helps you reconnect with your child.

Regulate your emotions

Watch your body language, tone of voice, and use of words when you are with your child. If you feel you are losing your temper, here are a few things you could do to regulate your emotions:

• Take a break to calm yourself
• Move away from the spot
• Take deep breaths to relax
• Listen to music or sing a song
• Go for a walk
• Read a book
• Drink a glass of water

Use these simple techniques to reduce your anger and avoid scolding your child at the moment. Your child will feel safe and secure when you have calmed yourself. You could also set clear behavior expectations for your child. It will help you draw clear boundaries of behavior for your child.