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Nov 5 2018
Dear Mommies! What are your thoughts on teenagers using cosmetics?
@Keerthy Muthuraman Hi, Teens under 15 (some under 17 or 18) follow some strict rules at school and they dont usually get a chance to apply cosmetics. The only time they would want to apply is when theres a party or some holiday. Applying makeup once in a while for a dance program or ceremony is ok as long as they use branded and safe products. Sunscreen is highly recommended by doctors. Children who play in the sun can get sunburns and skin problems, which can be avoided to some extent by using sunscreens. I think using moisturisers, lip balms, face powders, Kajal, and sunscreen sounds reasonable and anything other than these that can ruin their tender skin should not be encouraged.
My teen is very conscious of her looks and her mannerisms. Recently, I've been noticing that she is very choosy about the way she dresses and she avoids a lot of meetups with her friends because she feels she is not good enough or doesn't look as good as how they are. Both I and my wife have spoken to her about this. But I understand, its a lot of pressure for teens these days because fo the exposure and peer interaction they have in school, sports classes, extracurriculars etc. How can we help her?
@Vineeth Sengupta Body weight, height, complexion and facial features - teens tend to base their self-esteem on these factors. Read on to know how to help them.
@Vineeth Sengupta Thank you so much Team for the answer! This really gives us great support and relief.
My daughter is in 7th grade. We have just shifted to a new city. She is finding it very difficult to adjust here. And, lately has started keeping to herself. How can I motivate her and help her get adjusted to the new place?
@Team ParentCircle Dear parent, shifting residence is overwhelming for everyone. Everything you have taken for granted in your old place has to be re-discovered in the new one. This can be chaotic and unsettling especially for children. Here are some things you can do to make this easy for your daughter and to help her get adjusted to the new place: Unpack and set up her room first. Having her own space and being surrounded by familiar things will help her feel calm and safe. It also gives her a clean place to play and study while youre setting up the rest of the house. Try to keep your childs schedule the same. The more predictability in her routine, the more quickly your child will adjust. Have her connect to her old friends through letters/skype calls. Over time, shell likely make new friends but shell derive comfort from knowing that she can reach out to her old friends any time she wants. Let your child participate in making some decisions. For example, give her freedom in decorating her room as she likes. Dont force her to give her things away (things that may seem like clutter to you, but that may be important to her), as it will only increase her sense of loss. Tell your child what exciting things are in store for her. For example, you could take her to the local library and issue books to read. You could sign her up for kids classes and activities (available in your new city) that your child is interested in. this will also give her the chance to make new friends. You can together discover good playgrounds, restaurants, and parks that you could visit over the weekend. During family meals, have each member discuss something that they miss about their old city/school/place of work and something that theyre looking forward to in the new city.
@Team ParentCircle I have been the daughter of an Army Personnel. I shifted schools every 1-2 years and I know how unnerving it can be to shift places, especially during the period of adolescence when multiple things already confuse. And, when you are pulled out of your comfort zone, you feel lost and sad. But, do motivate your child by telling her how lucky she is that she can make new friends, learn about the culture of a new place and know more about that place. Believe me, she will soon get adjusted and your worries will diminish. Take Care!!
@Team ParentCircle Don't worry as this is temporary. Give your child some time to adjust. Children are quick to form friendships and as time goes by they get adapted to the new place. I have my own daughter who was in such a stage but then time heals everything. Be positive and in the mean time try telling your child about the positives of the place .
@Team ParentCircle Dear parent, I understand with your concern. I suggest that parent should take responsibility to mentally get prepare and adjusted to new place. With patience, proper communication explain the positives that can help your child to think big. Most importantly, give space and time to your child to adjust in new environment.
My sister's 12 year old is addicted to PUBG. It is affecting his academic performance. How can we convince him to move away from it?
@K V Veena Dear reader, this is indeed a difficult situation. However, when parents attempt to talk to their son about his gaming addiction, its important that they do so in a calm and rational manner. Shouting or lecturing will only make the son more resistant to listening to them. The parents should empathise with their son and convey to him that they understand what he is going through Oh, Yes. That game must be so much fun and challenging. You cant seem to be able to stop playing it. This is an important step to gain his trust. If the boy reacts and displays strong emotions, the parents should wait for the teen to be calm down and become receptive before they try to talk to him. Next, the parents could state what they observe and share their feelings, without any judgment or advice. They could say, Youve been playing this game a lot these days. I see it is affecting your school work, tests and friendships. I am concerned. Now the parents have opened the doors for their son to join in to find a solution together. They can ask, How can we help you manage your time and keep a limit on the time you spend playing the game so it doesn't interfere with your work or other activities? They could listen to their boys suggestions and then recommend their own How much time should he spend playing the game? If it is hard for him to control his addiction, should he hand over his phone and other gadgets till he feels he is ready to better manage his time? Parents and the boy could work out on a signed gadget use contract (when he can use the gadget? For how long? For what purpose? And so on), and discuss what the consequences would be if he breaks the contract. Then, it is important for the parents to stay firm and enforce the agreed upon contract.If nothing seems to help the teen overcome his gaming addiction, parents should take him to a mental health professional, such as a clinical psychologist for psychotherapy. In some cases, online gaming addiction is triggered or exacerbated by other underlying issues such as depression, anxiety, or poor social skills, and these need to be evaluated and treated.
@K V Veena PUBG has become a addiction for a lot of children. My students in school do not discuss anything else other than PUBG and Counter Strike during recess. I feel the thrill that children get while playing PUBG makes them feel powerful and superior, even though just virtually. When enquired casually about why they do not read books or play an outdoor sport, they answer that PUBG is more fun and engaging. Thus, it is important to make parents understand that they need to encourage children to try different activities and also help them develop their interests beyond gadgets and virtual games. Only when children see that another activity is more fun, thrilling and enjoyable compared to a PUBG or Counterstrike will they start taking a liking for them.
@K V Veena Thank you so much ParentCircle and Meena for your answers. They are really helpful:)
How do I talk to my son about puberty?
@Pragatii Jalal Ruia It is important that you talk to children about sex, puberty and adolescent changes in a very free and frank manner. Ask questions that may seem awkward initially but will gradually break the ice on the topic and let you and your son talk freely about puberty. Let him know that it is a very biological thing and is natural and normal. There is nothing to be ashamed of these changes and that they must be embraced.
@Pragatii Jalal Ruia It is so good that we have more parents coming forward to impart sex education to their children. Because we consider it as a taboo to talk about reproductive health publicly or even with family, children tend to explore other sources to quench their curiosity. And, this most often than not leads to accruing misinformation and false ideas. Thus, just initiate a casual conversation with your son and let him ask his doubts for you and your spouse to clear. It will be great if both parents discuss such things freely as the child becomes more confident about sharing his concerns and dilemma :)
@Pragatii Jalal Ruia Hats off to you. So pertinent in today's times. I think your suggestions are bang on and will resonate with a lot of parents!
They say -spare the rod and spoil the child. Most parents today might not agree with this and some might spank too. It'll be interesting if parents could share instances when they resolved situations without the rod and what ideas and strategies they adopt during different interesting situations.
@Roopa M This old adage was good in olden days but today's small family and kids being sensitive , need to be handled with care. In fact my son was disobedient when young and have got spanking from us parents which tamed him but then our second child was only reprimanded with warnings and that worked as well. So I feel now that instead of physically punishing a kid they can be tackled with warnings too.
I am very upset and angry after finding out that my child has been accessing porn websites using our desktop at home. He stays awake at night citing his school projects as reasons, but now I have realized why he is awake so late, most days. How do I handle this, I feel so low?
@Team ParentCircle Dear Parent,Do not handle the situation with anger and stress. Rather, give a good thought to the problem. Do you think you create a barrier because of which your child cannot ask his curious questions to you and uses the internet as a way to satiate his thirst to know more about sex. Middle schoolers have a lot of doubts and we as parents have to make sure that we give them the freedom to express them before us.I would suggest that you handle the situation calmly. Let him know that you are well-aware of him watching porn and that it has hurt.Ask him why he is doing it - is it some school bully, peer pressure, curiosity, cyber bully or something else. Give him the assurance that it is fine to share these things with you. In a friendly manner let him know that porn distorts the notion of sex and that it objectifies women. I am sure he will gradually start understanding and open up before you.Wish you luck!
@Team ParentCircle Teenagers accessing porn is a very common thing and this isn't something you should panic about. If not now, they will someday get to know about it either by themselves or through friends. The reason behind this is the rush of curiosity regarding puberty, sex, and attraction at their age. Have conversations regarding this to avoid any complexity or constant fear. It might be embarrassing at the beginning for you as well your child, but if not for you, whom will they speak to about these? Talk to them and try to understand them...the reasons and questions behind their action. Tell them the ill-effects of it and try to make them understand. Do not worry too much. The more you start conversations regarding this, the lesser will they have to hide any of these from you.
The '#MeToo' movement today is focusing on sexual misconduct by men; but, it's perhaps been a long time coming. Now more than ever, let's teach boys to be sensitive and respectful towards women.
My child is 13, and has sleep walked twice in the past few months. Should I be worried?
@PC Admin Did you speak to a doctor? Is he fine now? Please share what steps you took to solve the problem. Good luck.
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