1. Parenting
    2. Behaviour
    3. How do I talk to my daughter about success and failure when she is not listening to me.

    Behaviour

    Behaviour

    How do I talk to my daughter about success and failure when she is not listening to me.

    Please do not advice me. I need a practical tips that can be very much applied to my challenge. ... more

    Comments

    Devishobha Dec 19 2017

    @Chakradhari agree with every one of them. Great insights, especially the one about failure. We sow expectations of some pre-conceived notion of success, but the truth is nobody knows how success looks or feels like. We are only relatively successful to somebody, but if I earn a lot of money(common definition of success) but really want to be a good singer, than I hardly see myself as successful. Plus, nobody knows the path for success. All one can do as a parent is display the infallibility of certain things- putting your best effort( which surprisingly can weather many a failure), independent thought, compassion, etc.

    Devishobha Dec 19 2017

    @Devishobha True that!

    The education system at home is much more critical than that which we pay lakhs for. How much money have you spent building the education system at home?

    My kid is 14 months. By the time he is 5yrs I would have taken him on a road trip from the mouth of a river till it meets the sea. And on this journey I'd like to show him what happens to the river and how that affects those living around it.

    This is experiential Learning. No textbook can substitute this form of learning. And this is exactly what kids today need.

    For kids between 13 and 16 who love PC games with guns and tanks, I do a tactical paintball session for them in which they learn team building, leadership, accurate thinking and emotional intelligence.

    So, there is always a solution to a challenge. And there is always a way to use their gadget addiction constructively.

    Devishobha Dec 20 2017

    @Devishobha On....For kids between 13 and 16 who love PC games with guns and tanks, I do a tactical paintball session for them in which they learn team building, leadership, accurate thinking and emotional intelligence. - Wanted to know more.

    My nephew is 16 year old and wanted to know how he can be benefited from the session. Where is this workshop?

    Devishobha Dec 20 2017

    @Devishobha Currently I do these work shops in bangalore. Will be holding one soon in a few weeks.

    Share your contact email and I'll keep you posted.

    cd@armoredspirit.com

    Chakradhari Dec 18 2017

    Having trained over 7000 students of the current generation, I feel I could add something to this challenge.

    1. This generation is not one who will take GYAN. By merely being a parent you cannot 'command' respect like how our older generations did.

    2. I love the way the creator modifies the coming generations to teach the existing ones their forgotten lessons. This generation will only respect and obey those who display the following traits - CARE, DEPENDABILITY, TRUST and INTEGRITY. The very traits the social structure is made up of. Something I'm writing about in my upcoming book on Personal Security.

    I know you can't wait for the book to come so here is your 'practical' tip. In 7 days of a chosen week, display 2 acts each of Care, Dependability, Trust and Integrity towards your kids. Just do it and expect nothing in return. And do this for 4 weeks. Let me know if you didn't find any results.

    3. You speak of success. A word most abused by most advisers. The current generation is very careful in choosing who they wanna listen to. If you don't walk your talk then you are not on their list.

    4. This generation needs thrill in everyday life. Keep them away from TV and computers. The only way you can do that is indulge with them in outdoor activities. Could be cycling or trekking. Even badminton, tennis and Paintball can be great bonding sports.

    5. Have everyday talks on subjects that interest them. Personal Security is one topic you MUST have talks on. Talks however don't mean you speak and they listen. It's they talk and you ask questions. Intelligent ones.

    6. Answer these questions -

    - What is the opposite of White ?
    Black
    - What is the opposite of Day ?
    Night
    - What is the opposite of Up ?
    Down
    - What is the opposite of Success ?
    Failure

    WRONG ! If failure is the stepping stone to success they have to be logically in the same direction. And if i caught you saying failure, then you probably know why this generation ain't listening to you.

    Well, i can go on and probably write a book on this subject...may be i will. But you've got my viewing point. Keep the above points in mind and kick start a new day from tomorrow and inspire your kids to follow you !

    Happy Parenting !

    Chakradhari Dec 19 2017

    @Chakradhari This is a great insight. . "In 7 days of a chosen week, display 2 acts each of Care, Dependability, Trust and Integrity towards your kids. Just do it and expect nothing in return. And do this for 4 weeks. Let me know if you didn't find any results...".

    But it is very difficult to instruct an 13 year old to listen to us.

    Chakradhari Dec 19 2017

    @Chakradhari Well you said it yourself - INSTRUCT a 13 yr old. You never Instruct Kids. Thats what coaches and physical training instructors do.

    With kids you be a kid. But a matured one. Use logical reasoning to impress an idea on to them.

    Navyz Nov 21 2017

    Hi, Few practical tips I follow...
    My daughter rarely listens to me, except during her 'weak' moments.These could be when she is sick , outside home amidst a group of her friends or she has already got scolding from someone else in the family. Though I won't say ,use these moments, I utilize these times to comfort her assure her I will support her always. This maynot reflect immediately,but will definitely help in the long run, where she wil start listening to me.
    - She doesn't listen to me ,but she does have strong faith in someone else ( grandmother,father etc)in my family..I convey my message through them.
    - She doesn't directly listen to me..but will always listen when I am talking to someone else,like friend,father etc. I use that time to discuss something about failures etc when I am sure she is overhearing me.
    Hope these tips help!

    Devi Nov 20 2017

    A simple question at this moment will you accept any advice given, it is a NO because you have clearly stated that please dont advice. Same way unless the kids want to listen you cannot make them listen. We have to camouflage the discussion through questions which gives them the power of decision at the same time to understand the consequences clearly. Are you trying to define success and failure to your daughter as it varies with person. Please be specific, as failures are strict teachers than success. Let the children fail in a safe environment. The only thing we need to talk is no matter what dont give in. Grit is the vital disposition for the future generation. I am not sure whether I have given practical. The only way to make the kids listen to us is by being a good listener to them and earn their trust. It needs perseverance and patience.

    Devi Nov 21 2017

    @Devi Interesting reply! When we try to listen, they will accept our inputs.