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    3. Expert Answers - Punishment Vs Positive Discipline | In Collaboration with Parenting Matters

    Behaviour

    Expert Answers - Punishment Vs Positive Discipline | In Collaboration with Parenting Matters

    Behaviour

    Expert Answers - Punishment Vs Positive Discipline | In Collaboration with Parenting Matters

    ParentCircle and Parenting Matters presents an exclusive Expert Answers session on Punishment Vs Positive Discipline. If you have queries regarding the same, then ask your questions to Certified Parent Educator, Snigdha Chavan from Parenting Matters.

    Post your queries between 12:00 PM - 2:00 PM on 22nd October and get all your answers by 6:00 PM on the same day. You may choose to post your questions anonymously too. ... more

    • Team ParentCircle
    • 92
    • 8
    • Oct 21 2019

    Comments

    Roopa M Nov 1 2019

    Maam, your answers are crisp and to the point. Thank you for putting across your message so clearly. The answers kind of summarise the entire parenting process. For instance, we can quote these sentences , which make so much sense.
    - Every behaviour is driven by a need. Children are trying to meet different developmental needs at all ages.
    - As parents, we can point out that love is very universal and can be between different individuals.
    - It is important to set limits for children, but we need to do that with respect and keeping the child's dignity intact.
    -You have a powerful vision of them growing to be good individuals. Keeping that in mind every interaction , both in words and action with your children EVERY DAY will support that.

    Very resourceful responses.

    Saranya Oct 23 2019

    Hello mam,
    My kid is doing her first grade. She is a studious and intelligent girl who understands everything around her quickly. Has got very good remarks from her school too. But recently, I was shocked to hear from her saying that she feels like loving a boy from her class who mingles with her friendly and associates with her closely in all activities. She also exclaims that he is the smartest in her class and quiet often she speaks about him. I am literally perplexed to observe all these gestures from her. I don't know how to make her understand about her friendship with him or rather restrict her immature feel at this age.. also I'm worried about her future behavioural aspects. How can she limit herself from being over social and trust people so easily..? Annoyed with the influence of social media and television programs too nowadays, though we don't watch much of it. Im afraid, She might get trapped with her innocence. What are the things that we should teach and guide her as her parents. ? please advise.

    Saranya Oct 30 2019

    @Saranya Your child has good observation and has observed the heterosexual families. As adults, we perceive boys and girls together a certain way, so its understandable that her love for this boy has you worried.
    As parents, we can point out that love is very universal and can be between different individuals. Your love for her, grandparents love, uncles, aunts, her girlfriends and other boys, cousins. Let her experience the abundance of love she carries in her heart.
    We need to trust our childrens instincts. Not to push them when they seem reluctant, and not expressly hold them back when they are trusting. But be vigilant around them and their friendships.

    Saranya Oct 31 2019

    @Saranya Thank you so much for your valuable advice mam !

    Simi Ramesh Oct 22 2019

    Is it true that we have to resort ti different treatment to different children ? Some kids are too sensitive but some are totally ignorant and adamant ? How to tackle such different kids~?

    Simi Ramesh Oct 22 2019

    @Simi Ramesh Every behaviour is driven by a need. Children are trying to meet different developmental needs at all ages, and as a parent we need to help them meet these needs. And if we are not able to do so, then to acknowledge their feelings and be understanding towards them. For example a child jumping on the sofa being asked to stop, refuses to stop and we may end up calling her adamant. But here she is having a high need for movement, and if we are able to meet this need, by giving her an alternative of jumping on a cushion, or taking her out to play, then she will find it easier to comply.
    Also, arrogant, sensitive, shy, lazy, hyper, adamant, forgetful, etc, are all the labels we give children.They then start believing this about themselves. We parents are like a mirror and what we reflect is the image children form of themselves. These labels stay with them even when they grow up. Instead if we are able to explore the reason behind the behaviour, then we can look at the child differently.

    Please read this article below about forming an image of the child.

    https://www.dtnext.in/Lifestyle/Culture/2017/05/02223331/1032776/Science-of-Parenting-Forming-an-image-of-the-child.vpf

    Dhinakaran Raj Oct 22 2019

    Is punishment something teachers and parents should avoid? How can we correct our children then?

    Dhinakaran Raj Oct 22 2019

    @Dhinakaran Raj Hi Dhinakaran, it is confusing when someone says dont punish, because then we are not sure how else to discipline the child.!! We have learnt parenting watching our parents and from people around, but now there is a lot of research in neuroscience which says that punishment can actually harm the brain development of a child. Every time we punish a child they feel scared and helpless. Feeling this way repeatedly can affect their learning and other skills.
    What then is the alternative? When children misbehave, they or only trying to meet their developmental needs. When we understand why a child is behaving in a certain way, we can try to meet the need some other way.
    There are many articles on our website which talk about understanding needs and behaviour of children and how we can meet them. please see this link to read the articles

    http://www.parentingmatters.in/resources/articles

    Dhinakaran Raj Oct 22 2019

    @Dhinakaran Raj I wish I could have known such things earlier . It has cleared so many confusions and doubts in my mind. Thank you mam.

    Rashmi Nagendran Oct 22 2019

    My husband and in-laws always resort to hitting and shouting...be it me or my child...though I know it's wrong...my views are hardly considered. I cannot see my child getting hit in any way...pls tell how k can make them understand

    Rashmi Nagendran Oct 22 2019

    @Rashmi Nagendran http://www.parentingmatters.in/images/pdfs/englishbookletwebsite.pdf

    Rashmi Nagendran Oct 22 2019

    @Rashmi Nagendran Your advise and enlightenment has cleared a lot of doubts , mam . Thanks

    Geethapriya Manoharan Oct 22 2019

    What is the fine line between punishment and indulgence. Where do i draw the line?

    Geethapriya Manoharan Oct 22 2019

    @Geethapriya Manoharan Normally it is assumed that the opposite of punishment is being permissive, or indulging the child. But that is not true. It is important to set limits for children, but we need to do that with respect and keeping the child's dignity intact.

    Here is an article which explains the difference between punishment, being permissive and positive discipline.

    https://www.dtnext.in/Lifestyle/LifeStyleTopNews/2018/04/05045930/1067751/Treading-a-fine-line-between-a-loving-parent-and-a-.vpf?TId=112136&fbclid=IwAR1jQ0vJnnMHpnAXKX_yhunXWgsVlEDOJaONpcTViEIl5RgG1w_-7cS3X_A

    Geethapriya Manoharan Oct 22 2019

    @Geethapriya Manoharan Mam ,Thank you for sharing the article.it is indeed a good read.

    Team ParentCircle Oct 22 2019

    I am a mother of a 6 year old and expecting my second child. Initially, with my older one I used to be very strict and equally loving. I now feel guilty of getting worked up for littlest of things. Now I am more in control of my emotions and have almost consciously chosen to avoid spanking. I do not want to repeat my mistakes with my second baby. My older one is growing up to be a really lovely boy, how do I ensure that he as well as my second one grow up to be good individuals, without me being overtly strict.

    Team ParentCircle Oct 22 2019

    @Team ParentCircle Thank you for sharing. Firstly, wishing you the best for the arrival of your second little bundle of joy. And wonderful to hear what a lovely child your first born is growing up to be! All the loving moments you spent with him is showing!
    You have a powerful vision of them growing to be good individuals. Keeping that in mind every interaction , both in words and action with your children EVERY DAY will support that.
    It can get busy with two children so Having enough time to take care of your needs, a cup of tea, a walk, time with your partner, getting help with the children will in the long run help you keep your calm, and be able to respond mindfully to your children.

    Here are a couple of articles that might help you

    https://www.dtnext.in/Lifestyle/LifeStyleTopNews/2017/07/04215918/1037892/Science-of-Parenting-Why-is-parent-selfcare-so-important.vpf??TId=112136

    https://www.dtnext.in/Lifestyle/Wellbeing/2019/04/25022422/1115568/Parenthood-Regulation--A-tool-to-keep-us-from-losing-.vpf

    Komal Kriti Sharma Oct 22 2019

    How can I discipline my child positively?

    Komal Kriti Sharma Oct 22 2019

    @Komal Kriti Sharma Hi Komal, glad that you are wanting to move to positive discipline. We have a detailed booklet on our website which gives the effect of punishment on children and also various tools that you can use to discipline your child positively. Sending you the link. its available for free download.
    http://www.parentingmatters.in/images/pdfs/englishbookletwebsite.pdf