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    Expert Answers - Managing your Childs Tantrums

    Expert Answers - Managing your Childs Tantrums

    Parents do you often find it stressful to manage your childrens tantrums? If you have queries regarding the same, then ask your questions to Clinical Psychologist Dr. Meghna Singhal. Post your queries between 12:00 PM - 2:00 PM on 12th September and get all your answers by 6:00 PM on the same day. You may choose to post your questions anonymously too.

    Team
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    • Wed, Sep 11, 2019, 10:56 AM

    Comments

    Manasa Sep 12 2019

    My elder son is 4years and 9months old. I have an younger child who is 8 months old. He initially had sibling issues and got reaolved over time. He started accepting the baby and playing with him. Now the issue with him is 1. Keeps on irritating the baby by pulling get his legs or squeezing him or kissing him more than 10/15 times when baby is not comfortable with the kiss. Baby starts crying immediately and viaibly not happy. Though we explain how its not right in either gentlt or strict tone nothing works. 2. He has become extremely adamant in doing day to day tasks like brushinh teeth also. He doesnt obey even a single instruction. 3. He hits everybody. The house maid, parents and grand parents. He just wants to get his way out and if things dont work he starts hitting. He shouts very meanly also. 4. He is hitting kids in school also and the teacher is complaining. 5. His tantrums peak when in car asking for some unreasonable toy, or cartoon character in videos or phone etc. Though we explain patiently he wont listen. He keeps hitting and crying till he gets his way out. 6. He is a fussy eater and gets cranky sometimes due to hunger. Though his needs are met on time, he sometimes refuses to eat food and gets cranky. Please help me understand the triggers and how to fix this.

    Manasa 356 days ago

    @Manasa Dear Parent, thank you for reaching out to us. You must be so overwhelmed trying hard to manage your baby and a child who seems unable to manage himself. The arrival of a new-born always displaces the comfortable position held by the older child, in relation to his parents. Read more about sibling rivalry here. It is possible that there is a residue of rivalry in your child. In trying to be affectionate towards the baby, his suppressed emotions are released on other people. All the behaviours you have listed in your question indicate that your child is struggling with many emotions inside him and is seeking your attention to help him cope with all the big feelings inside him. Here are a few ways you can support your child: Make sure your child has special time with you regularly to make him feel that he is still important in your life. The special time is about having chats, fun; answering his questions, talking about things he enjoys doing, about his friends in school. These light-hearted conversations bring him the attention he is craving for, in positive ways, and make him feel emotionally secure. Teach him to talk about his feelings, else he will act them out and display difficult behaviours. Start with sharing your own feelings of happiness, anger, fear and sadness, in simple statements such as, I am feeling.because. Soon he will learn to do the same. You can find more tips here. These steps will help build a strong relationship with your child. Only then will he be able to talk to you freely about all that he feels about the baby good and not-so-good feelings. Accept all his feelings and respond with, It must be so hard for you when the baby gets everyones attention. Do you feel angry about it? Allow your child to say all that he wants to while you listen to him quietly. Give him a big hug to let him you show you understand all his feelings. The release of emotions will slowly calm him down and he will begin to trust that he can always come to you and talk about all those big feelings inside him. Now he will be ready to cooperate with you when you request his help in looking after the baby. Involving him in simple tasks in baby care makes him feel included rather than excluded. Do enlist the help of your spouse to attend to your child while you are busy with the baby. Hope this is helpful and all the best!

    Madhu Sep 12 2019

    Respected Mam, My toddler is constantly pulling hair of me as well as others, he bites often, hits often, use his leg to bit on my face. I solve by scolding him thrice and if he wont listen I use to slap and beat him. My anxiety is will it be stop as he grow up or not? I use to let go of his tantrums right now. I face depression and sadness as what if I fail to give him good manners? I am soft-hearted, if he starts speaking at that time what shall I do to not get hurt by his or my in-laws words and actions? I want to live my day to the fullest by spreading happiness and being content. What shall I do to maintain the consistency?

    Madhu Sep 12 2019

    @Madhu Dear parent, I can understand how difficult this must be for you! What prompts your child to bite or hit? Or does he do this without any provocation? Teaching your child that hitting is unacceptable is important. Give your child the vocabulary to indicate no for things he doesnt like. For example, if he (say) doesnt want to be hugged, instead of hitting, he can say no while moving his head from side to side. Teach him that instead of hitting, he can go punch a pillow or tear old newspaper. Demonstrate these actions to your toddler and most of all, do them yourself when you are angry yourself (instead of hitting him in turn, which will only teach him that it is acceptable to hit). This training in emotion regulation can be done even for very young children and is a very important life skill. Read books to your child such as Hands are not for hitting, My big shouting day and others that help your child understand the importance of not hitting. Teach your child what he can do if he feels afraid/angry/overwhelmed. We normally always tell kids what not to do when theyre feeling negative, but telling them what to do is usually more effective. If your child does hit, pause. First calm yourself down to avoid reacting harshly to your child. Tell yourself- I can handle this. Model self-regulation of your own emotions by talking to her softly (and firmly) and without raising your voice. Hitting, no matter how hard or light, however, has been demonstrated to carry adverse negative consequences for the child. Also, when we hit our children, we are conveying that aggression is an acceptable way to get someone to listen to us or obey us. Would we want our children to learn that we can get someone to listen to us by hitting them? It is best to avoid any kind of extreme reaction, because toddlers thrive on parental attention. If a parent tries to laugh it off, the toddler takes it as approval. On the other hand, if the parent scolds or yells, the child is still getting attention. So, a better way to handle hitting behaviour is to remain firm but kind and lay down consequences: That hurts. Please stop, else I will leave the room. What is more important is to follow through on the consequence by actually leaving the room if the child continues to engage in such behaviour. Focus on forging a connection with your child, the foundation of which is love and mutual respect. The way you behave with him is the way hell learn to behave with you and others. Talk to him kindly, even if he doesnt listen. Put firm limits but without being harsh. All the best!

    Madhu Sep 13 2019

    @Madhu Thank you Dr. Singhal for sharing your thoughts! I too used to beat up my son when he hits me. But after reading articles of Parentcircle I have controlled myself and my anger. It is absolutely important to convince toddler that hitting is a misbehavior, once they understand that they will stop doing it. If we keep hitting them they will become more arrogant. It is a pleasure reading your articles. Thank you.

    G.VIDYALAKSHMI Sep 12 2019

    Hi, I have twins 5 years old, a girl and boy. Both are doing well but at times, they fight and hurt each other. How to deal with this? My son is more attached to my husband and saying like myself and father is one family and amma and sister different family. How ever I tried, I couldnt alter his thought on this.

    G.VIDYALAKSHMI Sep 12 2019

    @G.VIDYALAKSHMI Dear parent, it can be quite hard raising twins. Here are some strategies you could try to deal with their fights: Avoid comparing them. It doesnt motivate children to improve, instead only harms their self-esteem. For example, it is not a good idea to tell one child Look at your sister. She is so well-behaved. Teach one twin to help and care for another and let your children know that in your family violence is non-negotiable. Dont React or Take Sides: When your two children are fighting over a teddy, it is only natural for you to tell your older child that she should always share with the younger one and not hit him. But, dont react. Refrain from taking sides or passing judgment on who is right. Dont rush to give a solution or punish the children. Describe what you see: When you walk into a fight simply state what you observe, I see that both of you want to play with the same teddy. Misha, I see you hit your brother Muhil because he took your teddy. Muhil is crying because he is in pain. Muhil you knocked down Mishas toy-house and she seems upset at you. Empathise with the children: Let your children know that you understand how they feel. This alone will help them calm down a bit. Misha you must be upset that Muhil took away the teddy you were playing with. Muhil you want to play with the teddy too, but Misha doesnt want to share it with you. That must be so frustrating. Coach them to communicate their needs and feelings: Children often do not know how to express their needs and feelings. You: Misha can you tell Muhil how you are feeling. Misha: I am not done playing with my teddy. Muhil, it makes me so angry that you just came and grabbed it. You: Muhil, is there something you want to tell your sister. Muhil: I want to play with you Misha. But you wont let me. You are so mean. Help the children understand each others feelings: Ask each child how she/he thinks the other one is feeling. Ask Misha, How do you think Muhil is feeling right now. Ask Muhil, Why do you think Misha did not give you the teddy. You will be surprised they will tell you exactly what the other child is feeling. Help your child handle teasing and aggression: Help your child stand up for his needs and express how he feels. Muhil can tell his sister, Misha, I dont like you hitting me and grabbing from me. It hurts and makes me feel sad. Help the children find solutions - Teach problem solving, conflict resolution and negotiation. There is only one teddy. But both of you want it. What should we do? Do not give the solution, rather nudge them towards a solution. Listen to all suggestions and lead them to an agreed upon solution. Help heal the hurt: When one child hurts his sibling, by hitting, punching, biting or even saying mean words, your first response may be to punish that child. Instead, you need to teach your child how to make up with his sibling. But, dont just make the child say sorry. Its important your child means what he says. Help him understand how his sibling may be feeling. Then he will want to figure a way to ease the pain of his hurt sibling. With regard to your sons tendency to view himself and his father as separate family, dont react or reason with him. Just keep emphasising everything you do together as a family, for example, family meals, family outing, family decisions, family rules, etc. All the best!

    G.VIDYALAKSHMI Sep 13 2019

    @G.VIDYALAKSHMI Thank you Doctor for sharing your thoughts, sometimes my situation matches with Vidyas.. Will surely follow the above stated suggestions.

    Team Sep 12 2019

    Dear Dr. Singhal, Thank you so much for your time, support, patience and insightful pieces of advice. Our heartfelt gratitude to our parent community who bestowed their faith upon us and shared their concerns with us. Please do write to us in case you want to follow up or have more queries. Thank you once again and wishing you HAPPY PARENTING :)

    Radha Sep 12 2019

    How to build up the self confidence in my child? She is 17 years old and loosing interest in studies and she has to appear for boards in 2020 March. She is getting frustrated and angry if I tell her to sit with her books. I am trying to guide and help her in all possible ways.

    Radha Sep 12 2019

    @Radha Dear parent, this can be tough on any parent- getting your child to study! Unfortunately, teenage years turn into a battle of wills in many families, though they neednt. With the following strategies, you could help your teen gain confidence and also establish a connect with her (which is what she needs right now, even though she may act like she doesnt): 1. Having open ongoing conversations with your teen on a daily basiseven if your daughter tells you something you dont approve of, fight off the urge to jump in with your judgments and dislikes. Try to hear her out with patience and help her figure out her own path. 2. Resist the urge to lecture her about studies. Thats incredibly off-putting for any teen (or adult!) who feel they know better. Instead, ask her what her goals are for this year (and the next). And how she plans to achieve them. If she does plan on getting (say) 80% what are the things she needs to do? Having open conversations like these will help your teen know that youre on her side. Ask her how shed like you to support her. 3. Help her balance her life (both academic pursuits, extra-curricular activities, hobbies, time with friends and family) by drafting a weekly time table for herself, to prioritise whats important to her and manage her time better. Also emphasise to your teen the importance of getting adequate sleep, regular physical exercise, and a nutritious diet. These go a long way in keeping her mind and body healthy. 4. It is extremely important for you to encourage her to pursue whatever activities she shows interest in. Dont push her but give her a gentle nudge time and again. If she displays resistance to do something or is unable to do something well, talk to her about her feelings. You could ask How did you feel when you came in last in swimming? Focus on her effort, rather than the outcome. You could say It was really courageous of you to try rather than saying Dont feel bad about coming in last. 5. Dont give false praise. Teens can very easily discern when we are being truthful and when not. 6. Help her focus on her strengths. Talk to her about what she likes in herself. Use everyday situations to point out good qualities in her. In some families, I recommend spelling out the teens name and brainstorming one positive quality with each letter and sticking this up on the fridge for everyone to see. All the best!

    Sri Sep 12 2019

    My nephew is an adolescent aged 17 who is adopted. He was adopted at the age of 6 years. He had a very difficult childhood till the time he was adopted as his mother died and his father is jail facing the charges of his wifes murder. He was abused physically as a child and lived in financially difficult conditions. He also had a sister who is 5 years younger to him. unfortunately the kids lost their mother soon after the birth of this little girl. Both of them were in an orphanage till they were adopted by my brother. Initially for the first 2 to 3 years he was getting adjusted to the new family and were liking it. But later on as my nephew turned 10 he would back answer by brother and sister in law..when they would point out some mistakes he would get angry. Slowly complaints from the school started increasing about his falling grades and frequent quarrels with classmates. He is quick to lose his temper always. He was put in a boarding school as he continued to fail in exams and had an issue almost everyday with classmates. The school refused to accept him. In boarding school he hit his seniors with a huge brick as he made an unsavory remark about him. My brother got angry but my sister in law helped to understand how his anger is damaging.His intelligence was 108 according to.his tests. His psychiatrist put him on mood stablizer at the age of 15. He stole the neighbours i phone, cash and laptop from the neighbours by using their spare keys. On being confronted he feigned ignorance. Later with pressure he confessed. Stealing continues inspite of making him aware of the consequences. He is not happy with his laptop and phone. He always wants branded and more expensive models. He even threatened by brother to kill him once. He is ambivalent towards hia sister who is well behaved girl. With the mood stabilizers he is now dull but the defiance has sky rocketed. Lying and stealing never stop Private tuition have been skipped. Medicines he is not taking ..blackmails to have them Kindly guide us. Should the police be also involved and how

    Sri Sep 12 2019

    @Sri Dear reader, I salute your concern for this youngster. Most families would be readily willing to give up on such a youth, given his history. But support, not condemnation, is exactly what he requires right now. Since he is showing strong anti-social personality traits, I strongly recommend your sister and brother-in-law take him to a qualified mental health professional-such as a clinical psychologist- and initiate behaviour therapy. Behaviour therapy (BT) can help this youth manage his anger and aggressive behaviours, as well as the lying and stealing behaviours. BT can teach your sister and brother-in-law skills to learn how to set boundaries and help protect themselves from the aggression, violence and anger common to antisocial youth. The behaviour therapist can also recommend strategies for coping. All the best!

    Sri Sep 12 2019

    Hello Dr. Singhal How to handle a teenager17 years with severe anger issues. His intelligence test revealed he has dull normal intelligence. He is on nexito and seranace. He will slap mother or grandmother when the argument gets out of hand. He talks rudely when asked for explanations or he has to say anything more than once. When family member hospitalized he doesnt show any concern and fights when limits are set on the money to be spent. He doesnt want to understand the family business by going to the shop even once a week Main concern is severe anger and lack of respect for family. (Hitting and slapping) He also has no friends spends time by watching Tv and playing violent video games. Gets angry when some kind of negotiation is being made

    Sri Sep 12 2019

    @Sri Dear parent, since your son has dull normal level of intelligence and is on medication, I would strongly recommend behaviour therapy for him. Kindly visit a qualified mental health professional- such as a clinical psychologist- in your city and initiate behaviour therapy. It will help you understand how to chart out behaviour modification plans for him, how to prevent the triggers of his anger, and how to manage his severe anger responses. All the best!

    Madhu Sep 12 2019

    Hello Meghana , my daughter is 2 years 5 months old and her temper tantrums are beginning , how to manage them ? We have tried the diversionary tactic .but she is too clever for that and calls that out .Of late is the persistence for Mobile phone ...She doesnt watch TV thankfully..How to deal with these upcoming addictions ? Also she is over attached to the father and makes a big fuss when he is off to work ..and very clingy to the extent of being stuck to him whenever he is around...

    Madhu Sep 12 2019

    @Madhu Good rules never go out of style, as they always remain relevant. But, how can we frame good rules at home for children? Here are our tips to establish rules.

    Team Sep 12 2019

    Dear Dr. Singhla, My son gets very agitated whenever we visit the mall. He is 4.5 years old. He starts demanding for things and sits onthe floor shouting loudly. It is so embarrassing. We have tried explaining it to him calmly, have scolded him, punished him, sweet-talked to him - but nothing works. At home he seems to understand but the behaviour is repeated once we visit the mall. times I feel very frustrated. Please help us!!

    Team Sep 12 2019

    @Team Dear parent, this can indeed be a frustrating situation for both you and your child! Imagine seeing all those attractive things in the mall and not being able to get any of them! A 4.5 year old will not always have the maturity to understand that he cant get everything he sees- especially if he has been given those items before on shouting/sitting on the floor! Here are some strategies you can try {and no, Scolding and punishing the child wont help}: Ensure that your child is well-fed and rested before you go to the mall. Hunger and fatigue are few of the top reasons why children throw tantrums. Offer choices. Before you go to the mall, you can tell your child- were going to the mall and we have a budget of (say) Rs.150 for you to buy something. Would you rather buy an ice-cream or a sandwich? Every time your child looks at an item and tells you to buy it for him, remind him that he has Rs.150. If the value of the item is more than Rs.150, you could say something like Oh dear! Looks like your desired item exceeds our budget. Lets put that on your wish-list. It is quite satisfying to a child to have a physical list of his desires. This list can be posted on a bulletin board or your fridge when you reach home. Refer to it when holidays and birthdays come up. Perhaps hell request it from his aunt on his birthday or perhaps in a few weeks or months his tastes will change and it will drop off the list. The important thing is that he has a parent who listens to how he feels when he yearns for something, and that helps him develop the important life skill of deferred gratification. It is also critical to teach your son restraint by example as well. Look for opportunities for him to see you waiting for the things you want. If you see a pair of jeans at the mall that you decide not to buy, for instance, let your child know why (They fit well, but my old jeans still look good or Ill wait until they go on sale). When you notice your child starting to get worked up, make sure you keep your own voice calm, low and slow. Not patronising, but comforting. This helps to keep you calm, and its soothing for your child. It might not stop him being irritable, but it will prevent him from getting worse. Whatever you do, dont give in to what your child wants. Because hell try it again next time. If a child gets his way by screaming once, then hell do it again. He may just scream louder and longer next time. You could try to explain to him why his behaviour is unacceptable in a calm and in-control voice. Deep breathing can be calming, but how do you get a small child to stop howling and breathe? Well, I tell my daughter to think about your belly button. The first time I did this she was so surprised she just stopped and look at her tummy. Then she really concentrated on her belly button. Or pretend your thumb is a candle on top of your fist and says, Oh, look at this! I have a candle. Do you think you could blow it out? As he blows, wiggles your thumb like a candle and then close your fist so the candle goes out. But then pop it back up (with sound effects) and encourage him to take a deeper breath and try again. Dont let yourself get worked up about people watching. Youll end up getting stressed and your child will pick on that. Try out whatever works for you and your child. Children are smart and will try whatever way works for them. Our job is to help them figure out what works and what doesnt, respectfully. All the best!

    Rashmi Sep 12 2019

    My eight year old son is very naughty. He is always into some mischief in the school. I am fed up of complaints from the teachers. They ask me is he so at home also? How to tell them that its not so at home because at home he sits in one place watching TV or playing games in mobile. Earlier it was very difficult to manage him at home also because of his naughtiness. I thought atleast he is sitting in a place watching TV or so but now it has become a major problem. It has become very difficult to avoid him playing with mobile phones. He some how takes some one or the other s phone and starts playing. My husband s phone started hanging because of over down loaded games and he had to buy a new phone which my son is not allowed to touch. But now he takes my mother in laws phone and plays with it. Because of inlaws presence at home I cant keep on shouting all the time. Teachers say he is like a happy going person in school always smiling and not taking anything seriously. This is also affecting his academics too. Is playing with electronic gadgets making him like that? How to avoid him using electronic gadgets?

    Rashmi Sep 12 2019

    @Rashmi Dear parent, screens are the boon and the bane of modern day existence. While technology can offer unlimited educational and entertainment opportunities, screens can be very harmful to our children, both mentally and physically. Screens (incl TV, mobile, and tablets) could lead to attention problems, sleep disturbances, problems in appetite, inactive lifestyle and risk of obesity, vision impairments, and even violent behaviour. It also adversely impacts academics. You could definitely regulate your childs screen time in the following ways: 1. Set simple, clear screen-time rules. Share your concern about excessive screen use with your child, without scolding or lecturing him. Involve your child in setting screen-time rules (for everyone as a family). Yes, these rules will have to be followed by everyone in the family- else youre setting yourself up for failure. Also decide on the consequences for breaking these rules. For example, if you watch more than half-hour of TV per day, you miss your TV time the next day. Set limits on time: For each member of the family (including you) agree on a plan that specifies o How much screen time is allowed on a weekday? o How much screen time is allowed on weekends? o How much screen time on holidays and vacations? o When should all gadgets be turned off every night? And so on. Set limits on content: Decide what your son can co-view/play with you. Younger children learn better from media, educational shows & videos when they are co-viewed & there is parent-child interaction. Maintain screen-free zones. Agree as a family which parts of the house are screen-free. For example - the bedrooms and dining room. Maintain daily screen-free times. Agree as a family which parts of the day are completely screen-free for everyone. For example, family meals, family game nights, and bedtime. Make screens inconvenient: Keep mobile devices/iPads in one spot, ideally out of view. It is not recommended to allow children to have screens in the bedroom. 2. Make time for play and other activities. Take a little bit time each day to get down on the floor with your children to interact and communicate. Together with your child engage in healthy alternatives such as outdoor play, reading a book, doing crafts, playing board games, building with blocks, or playing in the sand. Or set a little challenge for you and your child. 3. Set aside Special Time. For just 10-15 minutes a day, set aside some special one-on-one time with your child. During this time allow your child to be in charge and follow his lead. Jump if your child say jump, read to your child if he brings a book to read. Make sure you stay away from gadgets, talking on the phone, eating or even taking bathroom breaks. Complete focus should be on child. 4. Have face to face conversations: Be more involved in your childs life by asking questions, listening to his stories, sharing in his experiences, observing his actions and reactions, and connecting to this feelings. 5. Put down your smartphone: Children report feeling unimportant when their parents look at their smartphones during meals or when playing together, or when the child is talking to them. Even replying to a quick text message could be sending your child another messagethat your phone is more important than he is. If you do this together as a family (itll be tough initially and will require monitoring and patience but try to follow through), you will definitely observe a change in your sons behaviour. All the best!

    Rashmi Sep 12 2019

    @Rashmi Thank you so much for your valuable reply ma m ll definitely follow it

    Manasa Sep 12 2019

    I have 3 year old son. My son goes to a play school for few hours and then he is with his nanny and grand parents till evening. Also we live in a community where he doesnt have kids of his age group. I and my husband are both working and are only back at around 6 pm. So till I and my husband are back he is mostly with the nanny and his grand parents. 1) Because of the little time I get with him and due to the long hours he spends with his nanny and grand parents, he seems to keep getting more attached to them. He insists on being fed by nanny and sleeping with his grand parents. The feeling that my son doesnt want to be with me hurts deeply. At times its hurts to the extent that I feel like quitting my job. How should I deal with it? 2) He isnt that used to watching TV. Also books dont interest him for long. Also because I am a bit insecured about my time with him, I dont try to be very informative and instead go with his flow when I am with him. Also as I said there are not many kids in our society for him to be around with. So his source of information is very less. I am concerned if I am not exposing him to the knowledge he needs to get. What should I do?

    Manasa Sep 12 2019

    @Manasa Dear parent, being a working mom myself, I feel for you! You are bringing up concerns that every working (and even non-working) mum faces from time to time. First of all please remember that he is YOUR son! Nothing in the world can change that. Second, it is a general assumption that the key to a childs happiness and success depends on the amount of time parents (especially mothers), spend with their child. Add to this the cultural pressures for intensive parenting and the belief that a mothers time with her child is irreplaceable and sacred. This only raises the standard for what it means to be a good mother thus adding to any working parents guilt and stress. However, this guilt in itself counter-productive, as research consistently shows that a mothers distress often leads to poor parenting behaviours. Therefore, whats important for both you and your childs well-being is building connections and seizing quality moments (not quantity of time) with your child. There are many ways in which you can savour the time you spend with your child, while juggling your adult life. Make even ten minutes spent with your child matter every day. Here are a few ideas that even the busiest parents will find easy to do: The morning connect ritual Greet your child in the morning with your warm smile and hug (whatever your mood may be). This will start the day for you with a special connect to your child. Doing chores together Create an upbeat playlist and enjoy a dance with your young one while you wash the dishes or do laundry together. Cooking together Cooking or baking with your child will give you an extra set of helping hands, enable you to spend time together, and eat something delicious as a result. If you are worried about the mess, enlist your childs help in cleaning up too. My 2.6 year old regularly helps me with baking, and its so wonderful to watch him mix the batter. He learns the names of ingredients and has now started telling me what ingredient I should add in next! Free play Just ten minutes of free play with your child, whether its chasing him around the house to catch him, or becoming a pretend horse, will ensure lots of fun, while also establishing a connect. If you follow your childs lead, it will help him develop confidence. Every day ritual Create a special ritual with your child, something that can be accommodated in your busy day. For example, let your child choose and read one book with you at bedtime. Or share a fun fact with him. Or do a puzzle together. The sharing knowledge will get take care of. Eating together Even if he insists on being fed by the nanny, you could still have a family meal together. A simple meal brings the family together, gives you the opportunity to share, discuss, and reflect, while clocking in precious connection time. Join the fun Is your child watching a stream of ants crawl by in the kitchen? Is he chasing butterflies in the park? Join him in watching the ant parade or chasing the butterflies. Is he jumping in the puddle or splashing in the rain? Join the fun! Sleep time ritual Thank your child for one thing he did that day ate without a fuss, cleared up his toys, or just for his special smile or hug. Of course, dont forget to end the day with a little hug and a good night kiss I love you for just being you! With all of these activities, the idea is not to squeeze in any additional time with your child. It is to make the most of (almost) every moment you spend with your child. With your undivided attention and mindful presence, you will build connections and strengthen bonds with your child. All the best!

    Shubhashish Sep 12 2019

    I have 5 years old child. He does not concentre on any thing. Even when we talk to him he is not concentrating. He does not even look at the person while talking or he likes to do something else while talking. When we try to be harsh or scold him he goes into complete depression or blank stage. Further the learning skills are slow and I think he is little short tempered too. He can not speak clearly also but good in all type of physical activities. Kindly suggest how to deal with this.

    Shubhashish Sep 12 2019

    @Shubhashish Dear parent, I have a few questions for you: Does your child make eye-to-eye contact with others? Is he able to focus on any game or activity he likes? 5-year olds are usually able to focus for 10-15 minutes on a preferred activity of their choice. You mentioned he doesnt speak clearly- is he able to talk in full sentences? Does he have friends he plays with? What kind of physical activities does he pursue? Did he reach his developmental milestones on time (e.g., sitting, standing, walking, making 2-word utterances, etc.)? With limited information about your child I would avoid making any suggestions, and instead request you to take your child to a mental health professional (such as a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist) in your city and have your child evaluated. The professional will take the complete developmental history of your child, your family history, and administer some simple psychological tests to rule out any issues. Once neuro-developmental issues are ruled out, kindly write back to us. All the best!

    Madhu Sep 12 2019

    My son is very much addictive to smartphone,since adolescent,now he is 25 years old, still cant resist. Due to this , he completed his engineering In 6 years , now for job entrance exams,he cant concentrate,due to this weakness, Please let me know,how to overcome this, so that he can focus and restart his career property.

    Sri Sep 12 2019

    Dear Dr.Meghna 13 year old girl (adopted at the age of 6 months, she is aware of her adoption) is diagnosed with ADHD. 1. She has no interest in academics. She prefers to chat with friends , watch shows on netflix. If the permission is denied she will throw a tantrum by not studying at all. As a result her grades got effected so she lied to the teachers that she is facing a serious personal issue in the house and couldnt concentrate. In the parent teacher meeting it was clarified that there was so such thing. Lying frequently to get sympathy and attention. How can she be helped with studies without the constant tantrums.? 2.She doesnt like to bathe and on being confronted she lies. Explained how it is good to be clean and hygienic. No use. Really concerned about it.what can be done? 3.She is eager to shop and eat junk food outside but doesnt eat food made at home. Again, if she is confronted she will throw a tantrum by either crying or accusing that she is not loved enough. 4.She is an attention seeker and gets really uncomfortable when she is not being given enough attention. She will sulk and stop talking to everyone. She can be really loud in her interactions with family and friends. The adoption issue was discussed with her where she expressed her fears of not being loved as compared to her brother (who is biological) . she was asked for instances when she felt left out and ignored. She could not come up with any. On some instances she is affectionate and never brings it up. The adoption issue is brought up at her convenience. What can be done? Pls guide.

    Sri Sep 12 2019

    @Sri Dear parent, I can understand how this all must be a handful for you! ADHD brings with it additional issues but Im confident that with the right strategies, you can help your daughter. 1. With regard to academics, does she have a set routine or time table for study? Since she is not motivated I suggest you sit with her and chalk out a study time table (with enough breaks in between) and set up a chart with rewards for each study period. For example, once she completes 2 hours of study (with three 15-min breaks in between), she gets to watch 30 mins of Netflix. Dont give her open access to Netflix (keep the password a secret and every time you give her access once she has completed her study for the day). Please involve her in setting up this chart (ask her for her suggestions and inputs), because she has to feel some sense of ownership- else she will not be encouraged to follow it. 2. With regard to bathing, ask her why she doesnt like it. What are her concerns? Does she feel too cold when she steps out of the bathroom? Would she prefer to take a shower instead of using a bucket to bathe? Would a fragrant shower gel help? The solution will flow from her problem/concern. Once she tells you her problem, sit with her and brainstorm all the possible solutions to that problem. Your attitude should be that of positive concern, not irritated worry. Encourage her to try the feasible solutions that you brainstorm together. 3. As far as junk food is concerned, again sit together as a family (all four of you) and discuss this concern. You can say something like we (parents) are concerned that were spending too much money on outside food and its affecting health of our family, so lets decide some limits regarding how often we will eat out/order in as a family. Again, take inputs from both your children and decide on a reasonable limit (e.g., once a week going out to eat, and once a week ordering in) as a family. Also decide what happens if someone breaks this mutually-decided upon limit. For example, if someone orders in food more than once a week (with their pocket money), throughout the remaining and the next week, outside food is off-limits (e.g., they either wont get pocket money). But again, ensure that even these consequences are mutually decided upon by EVERYONE together in the family, rather than parents just sitting and setting the rules for the children. The more democratic and open this process of setting family rules is, where everyone has an equal say, the more likely are rules going to be followed. 4. If she is an attention-seeker, look for ways of giving her attention in positive ways. Praise her if she does something well- esp since the entire focus seems to be on what shes not doing well. Help her focus on her strengths. Talk to her about what she likes in herself. Use everyday situations to point out good qualities in her. The more she feels secure in your love, the lesser she will need to manipulate or seek attention. All the best!

    Smitha.R.P Sep 12 2019

    How to deal with child of 8 years when they are not listening to the parents and are pampered more by grand parents. ?

    Smitha.R.P Sep 12 2019

    @Smitha.R.P Dear parent, a child not listening to her parents is one of the most common problems parents face today. But before I suggest a few strategies, I would like to ask youwhat do you do when your child doesnt listen to you? Do you shout/yell/hit? What do you feel? Angry/frustrated/irritated? 1. As parents, it is extremely important- if we want our children to follow us- to first display emotional regulationthat is, get a hold on your emotions first. Pause and calm down. Instead of thinking hes doing this to trouble me, think differently Hes doing this because thats what kids do. This will make a world of a difference in your attitude when you approach him to complete some tasks. What are the types of instructions your child is more resistant to follow? Is it about dressing up for school in the morning? Or clearing up his toys? Or studying? Or something else? 2. It is important for you to have age-appropriate rules and expectations. Your child is developing new skills and learning everyday about how to behave. Be realistic on what your child is capable of doing and what he can understand at his age. Set simple, clear family rules. This way your child knows what you expect from him. Tell him why you are setting the rules. Whenever possible, let your child also help in setting the rules. When you agree on rules, agree on logical, respectful, enforceable consequences for breaking the rules. For example, If you watch more than half-hour of TV per day, you miss your TV time the next day. If you hit your friend, you will have to stop playing with him and go play by yourself. 3. Make sure these rules and routines can be enforced. While setting rules make sure it is something that your child can easily understand and follow. If your child refuses to clean up his toys and you tell him that you will never buy him another toy, be realistic it is only a threat. You definitely cannot follow through on the consequence. If your child comes home from school only at 4 p.m. everyday, it may not be fair to expect him to sit down to do homework at 4 p.m. 4. If your child does what you tell him to do appreciate and thank him. Also, give gentle ad regular reminders. However, remind once, remind twice. Thats it. If you keep repeating reminders, it turns into nagging. If your child still doesnt listen, then follow through with respectful and logical consequences. Be friendly, but firm and consistent when enforcing the rules and consequences. If you occasionally give in to your child, then the rule loses its value, and your child will keep testing and breaking the rules. It is also important to be consistent in enforcing agreed upon consequences for breaking rules. If you do not follow through with the consequences, they become mere threats; your rules and consequences will have no meaning. 5. Involve your childs grandparents in setting these rules and enforcing them. When they feel included in the childs upbringing (and when you dont list down a list of instructions for them to follow), they are more likely to cooperate. All the best!

    Garims Sep 11 2019

    How to deal with my child if she is underconfident.

    Garims Sep 12 2019

    @Garims Dear parent, you didnt mention your childs age. But speaking of building confidence, let me first ask you-- how do you encourage her to pursue her interests? How do you praise her when she does something well? 1. Focus on your relationship with her, which at this point of time, is the most important source of support, security, and connection for her. The more you will display genuine confidence in her abilities, the more youll talk to her like she is the most wonderful, smart, and kind little girl, the more shell believe these things about herself. 2. It is extremely important for you to encourage her to pursue whatever activities she shows interest in. Dont push her but give her a gentle nudge time and again. If she displays resistance to do something or is unable to do something well, talk to her about her feelings. You could ask How did you feel when you came in last in swimming? Focus on her effort, rather than the outcome. You could say It was really courageous of you to try rather than saying Dont feel bad about coming in last. 3. Dont give false praise. Kids can very easily discern when we are being truthful and when not. 4. Help her focus on her strengths. Talk to her about what she likes in herself. Use everyday situations to point out good qualities in her. In some families, I recommend spelling out the childs name and brainstorming one positive quality with each letter and sticking this up on the fridge for everyone to see. All the best!