Parenting - Behaviour | 3-18 yrs

To Yell Or Not....!

Arundhati Swamy, Expert, Counsellor - ExpertArundhati Swamy

Kids often behave or say things that require a good shout. Why and how we yell comes from our inner state - feeling exhausted, or plain anger and upset. When exhausted, taking time-out can help to recharge, calm down and sort out the situation with your child. The benefits include expressing emotions, empathizing with each others' distress, conversation and problem solving. Exhaustion can also make us lose control and yell with fury and aggression. Look out for specific times or triggers that make us more vulnerable to losing our cool.

Its normal to get upset with kids' behaviour and yelling can be a good release, besides providing opportunities for offering an apology. 'I' statements work better than 'You' statements. Being yelled at for the right reasons prepares kids for facing high pressure situations with expectations of teachers, coaches, and future bosses.

Yelling can also stem from some deep personal issues, leading us to use threats, and mean or abusive language that harm the parent-child relationship. Conflicts with the spouse about parenting can also arise. Ensuing guilt feelings prompt us to compensate and the pattern gets repeated... Further, kids learn to yell at and blame others too. 

When the inner state is one of overindulgent parenting, we refrain from yelling, making our kids fragile and oversensitive. Neglectful parenting where unacceptable behaviour is ignored, raises indifferent kids.



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An occasional good yell at the kids for the right reasons can be a good thing, especially when it occurs in a family atmosphere of love and togetherness. It is taken in the right spirit without damaging relationships. 

Self-care is the first step towards dealing with aggressive yelling. Our inner pain and conflicts require healing, lest they weaken family relationships.