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Roopa MSep 17, 2019
@Mira Kumar Hi, there are many moms in your situation for different reasons. They sometimes take a break due to moving their family to another place, babies, family emergency and other personal reasons. When you take a break, it’s natural to feel a little glum sometimes and think about what could’ve been if your situation was different. It’s normal to think and wonder how it would be if you had continued in your career. The good news is, in your situation, you’ve gained a lot in the form of two babies and plenty of parenting experience. Also, as you have been giving a lot of time and energy to your family and home, all your knowledge and education would be reflecting in your home and life in general, which is a huge contribution to your family. All the time you spent with the babies and all that you’ve been teaching them will benefit them not just now, but beyond their childhood. Also, there are women in this world who would do anything to have a baby and would love to be in your shoes. Like the proverb goes-Grass is greener on the other side, everybody’s situation is unique and the ones who have seen a lot of success in career might have their own struggles though it may look like as though a working person’s life is somewhat better or successful. As far as success in any career is concerned, whether it is monetary, satisfaction, or progress in the form of promotions and rising to higher positions in a company, you can still go ahead and achieve that once you are comfortable. Once children grow a little bigger or when you feel like you can manage to juggle home, family, and career, you still have that choice. It’s never too late. If you don’t have plans to start a full time job, since you have a masters degree and work experience, with all the knowledge you’ve gained, you could consider taking tuitions, working from home, working for ngos, doing voluntary work, joining clubs that do a lot of community service like rotary club and other organisations. There are lot of opportunities if you look around that could provide a lot of satisfaction and happiness. This will keep your mood up. Eat healthy, go for regular walks, meet up with your friends, focus on your hobbies, teach others, play some sports, and find something that will give you that sense of joy. With some planning and help from your family, I’m sure you’ll find something that will give you that sense of achievement. You are already blessed and count your blessings, and venture into something that will keep you employed and also keep you happy. Hope this helps. All the Best !:)Reply
Team ParentCircleSep 18, 2019
@Mira Kumar Dear Parent, once we get past the initial thrills of parenthood, we often start to look around and compare ourselves with classmates and colleagues who have surged ahead with their careers. Their successes leave us feeling low and frustrated – difficult feelings to cope with. Know that how you feel right now is absolutely normal. Once you acknowledge and accept your feelings, their intensity subsides, leaving you with a clearer mind to think things out more rationally. This will help you acknowledge and look upon yourself with awe at what you have achieved in starting a family. Think of all the management skills that you have acquired through being a stay-home parent – making important decisions, crisis management, strategic planning, analysing situations and responding creatively, and many more skills. How you would love to put these skills to use in a career, right? For now, you can help yourself by evaluating and appreciating the successes you have achieved as a parent, because that is the role you have been focussing on in the recent years. If you need to remain a stay-home mom, you could consider options such as becoming a homepreneur or partnering with someone to start a new venture or join an existing one. You will have the flexibility of time and the ability to work from home. If you are looking to get back to work in a while, use the time available now to reskill, upskill and pursue a hobby. These activities will begin to restore your self-esteem. In your plans to return to work, make sure that you do it gradually if you do not have a strong support system at home. You could start out with a part time job until you and your family learn to adapt and stabilize through the changes the job will bring. Take up a full-time job when you are ready for it. You could also look for work places that offer work-from-home opportunities and flexi hours. You may want to consider changing track. Motherhood has subtle ways that help you discover new abilities and interests. Pay attention to these new discoveries about yourself. They could well translate into an interesting career change. Do remember to involve your spouse in the decisions – it motivates him to support you in your career. It’s important that you define what career success means for you and it will keep changing over time. There are clear dangers in following someone else’s path of success – you will lose track of who you are, of your vision and goals, and end up chasing a dream that is alien to you. Avoid reading posts on social media about people’s career successes. The posts can leave you feeling terrible about yourself and that’s the last thing you need right now.Reply
Komal PorechaSep 18, 2019
@Mira Kumar Hi. I have twins (they are 10 now). but i went through a similar phase post their birth. i thought i would get back to work 3 months after their birth but it took me 3 years to do so. i am Interior Designer, a free lance writer and a mental health facilitator. i have written a book on the journey of parenting, here is something from the book that might help. Getting Back to Work, Getting Your Time-Out and Time as a Couple As the kids started getting into some sort of a structured routine, my mind started getting restless. I missed work, missed going out for an impromptu coffee with a friend.There were days when I used to feel like a caged lioness, pacing up and down the house. One part of me felt super responsible towards the twins and did not have the confidence to leave them in the maid’s care for a few hours. And simultaneously the other part in me rebelled to break free. Mr K and I are complete night birds. We loved to going out post work, with friends, for movies. Suddenly, all of that had come to a complete standstill. Our conversations that used to be so interesting and stimulating, became completely kid-centric. Given his hectic work schedule, he craved his time out in the evenings. All he came home to however, was an irritated, cranky wife. I did not step out of the house, for forty days after I had delivered. No, not cause of the stipulated cultural norms, but because I lacked the confidence. I had no clue when I would break down. I was just so scared to be seen that way in public. Mr K on the other hand, had reached various levels of frustration and impatience, given he just didn’t know how to deal with me, based on advice from many friends, he kept trying to push me to get out of the house and spend a little time away from the kids. He missed me as a partner and urged me to spend some time with him. But at that point I was just struggling to spend each day without getting bogged down or bursting into tears for hours. I wonder how my copious tears didn’t solve Chennai’s nagging water problems! Ah! Salt water! They have enough of that already!! To me, his desire to get me back as his partner became added pressure. Instead of understanding that he was trying to balance out things for me, I kept thinking that he was expecting more out of me. It was by far the toughest phase of my life. The nine months of pregnancy seemed like a party in comparison. Even though I continued my freelance writing work, it wasn’t enough stimuli for me. When I got pregnant, I had told myself that I would get back to work three months post the kids. It was a tough bullet to bite, the fact that I would have to give motherhood a little more time than I had initially realized was required. But I do have friends with single babies, who had organized good help, have had family members chip in and gone back to work in two months post delivery. If you have clarity of thought and logistics in place, the emotion is not overwhelming. There should not be guilt attached to it. A mother does not love her child any less if she wants/needs to get back to work or wants a few hours away with friends or shopping. Infact, it is rejuvenating and you come back happier and eager; having missed the child a little. Whether CC TV cameras at home give you peace of mind or calling every hour, work out a method that will assure you about your child’s safety and well-being while you’re away. My dad was down that month to see me. He picked up on my restlessness and made it mandatory for me to at least get out of the building once a day, to the nearby grocery shop, even if I didn’t need anything. And it helped. Mr K sat me down and impressed upon me how much my time out and time with him was important. We started going out in the evenings without the kids. The conversations were stunted and I used to be constantly worried about the twins. But Mr K nudged me along. Even though my kids were not ready to walk yet, I had started taking my first baby step towards normalcy.Reply