How to know what my child is thinking and how to know what they are expecting from us. My child's age is 5 Years.
@Anonymous Dear Parent, most parents focus on what they expect from their child, and rightly so. You realize that it is equally important for parents to know what a child expects from them. Children expect a whole lot of things from parents – toys, treats, trips, gadgets, accessories…the list is endless. But that’s at the material level. We must turn our attention to the emotional needs of children and our own. Emotions are the very foundation of our relationships. The interactions between parent and child form the building blocks for the child’s emotional health. The cement that binds these blocks together is the parents’ connection and involvement with their child. So, let’s look at how those connections can be made in ways that build trust and confidence in the child. Attention – give complete and regular attention to the child by observing him very closely. Know when his moods change, participate in his joys and excitement, share his sadness and fears, notice when he is angry and reach out to help him. Your child needs your emotional presence. Comfort – as your child grows and learns, many of his interactions can leave him feeling afraid, distressed, confused, sad, angry or jealous. He needs your help to deal with these big emotions. Avoid saying, “It’s okay”, “What did you do? It’s your fault”, “Don’t cry, you’re a big boy now” etc. Instead, welcome him into your arms and comfort him. He needs to trust that you will help him calm down. This response reassures your child and paves the way for conversation about what happened and how he can try to handle it the next time. Build trust – when your child learns to trust you, he feels safe, knowing that he can always rely on you for support and understanding. Your son will develop the confidence to share his mistakes with you, trusting that you guide him to learn from those mistakes. Many children are afraid to share their difficult moments and so hide them from their parents. Therefore there is no opportunity for parents to guide and teach their children. All that is left is to advise and lecture the child. Security – to give your child attention and comfort and to build your child’s trust in you – these are the experiences that help your child feel secure – emotionally safe. This is what your child truly expects from you.
My child is studying in 6th standard (13 years). He is good in studies until 3rd standard and also he is good in physical activity also. But now his physical activities became less and he is foodie now and not showing interest towards studies [But he knows the subject and he is able to learn but because of laziness he is not willing]. He has become aggressive. "What makes him to become lazy?"
Healthy, nutritious eating habits in children begin at home. Read on to find more about how to make nutrition a part of your household and your child’s life ...
/article/10-nutrition-goals-for-your-child-to-follow-in-2019/Dear Parent, how you wish you could bring back the child you once knew active and bright. To do so, we need to start at the root causes of the changes you see in your son. There are two things that we need to look at foodie and lazy. Food offers comfort. Could it be that your son has been upset or uncomfortable with something, did not know how to deal with it and thus turned towards food for comfort? Try to go back in time to see if there was a major change that happened in your home at the time when your son began to focus more on food. If you do recall a change that occurred, talk to him about it and help him speak about the impact of the change on him his thoughts and emotions at that time. It will help him face the situation and realize that the change he experienced does not exist any longer. Or your son may have taken to food to deal with some unpleasant emotions or hurt he has experienced. Either way, help him talk about it while you listen quietly. Unhealthy food habits have a direct effect upon the body's metabolism, including lethargy and laziness. Poor vitamin intake and absorption add to the physical and emotional health problems. You can consider having your son evaluated by his paediatrician for basic health protocols. Proper treatment of deficiencies, if any, can improve your sons overall health and mood. Once the health angle has been addressed, if the worrying behaviours and aggression still continue, the cause could be emotional, for which he will require lots of understanding and support from you. If you find it overwhelming to help him on your own, do consider taking the help of a counsellor who will be able to support you and work along with the family to help your son. He is also on the threshold of adolescence. It would be advisable to help him before the full impact of adolescence occurs. Do get back to us should you need further information and guidance. Click on this link to get tips on nutrition for your child: https://www.parentcircle.com/article/10-nutrition-goals-for-your-child-to-follow-in-2019/
My child is 5 Years. He is too naughty. If I restrict him to do something which are not supposed to be done, he becomes arrogant. How should I deal with him?
Do you often say ‘No’ to your child? It’s a word that spreads negativity and must be used sparingly, for best results. Here are some ideas to turn the negati...
/article/pros-and-cons-of-saying-yes-and-no-to-your-child/Dear Parent, looks like your son is a handful for you to manage. A 5-year-old is a bundle of energy, likes to cooperate but can also be demanding, and experiments with the use of language to see how you will respond or react to what he says. All of this can leave you feeling like you have to tighten your control over him, while he is at a stage when he wants to be more independent. The first thing to focus on is your own self-care. Make sure you have regular me-time to destress, relax and recharge your physical and emotional energy. Start with pinning a list of all the things you can do to relax yourself. Depending upon the time and other factors you can choose what will work for you on any given day. A rested and relaxed parent tends to approach parenting situations with less stress, a more open mind and a lot more patience. Else, your child will see more of a hassled parent who is trying to control him. Next, lets take a look at how you can get him to listen and cooperate. While saying No to a child is the easiest thing parents do, for children it is most difficult to accept. Why? Mostly because we say NO a lot of the time. The trick is to say No to something and to say Yes to an alternative activity. For example, You cannot play games on my phone but you can go out and play for some time/we can play your favourite board game/We can build something or cook together. This helps to redirect the childs attention without making him feel resentful and angry. Make agreements with your child about acceptable behaviours so that he is aware of the boundaries. Make sure the boundaries of behaviour are clear. Young children need help in developing self-control. Instead of shouting at him, give him a gentle fun reminder that both of you have earlier agreed upon. The giggles and the amusement help to replace your frowns and angry tone of voice with a smile and a kind tone of voice they make your child feel safe and secure. In turn, he is more willing to listen and cooperate with you. All of this requires practice, so keep doing these steps. Never mind if you forget sometimes. Just start all over again. And do remember that all young children require frequent reminders, including your son. Do click on this link for some more helpful tips: https://www.parentcircle.com/article/pros-and-cons-of-saying-yes-and-no-to-your-child/
Parenting styles refer to how we control and support our children and also the behavioural and performance standards we expect from them. Here are details th...
/article/4-types-of-parenting-styles/Dear Parent, this is a question on the minds of many parents, especially in current times when there is much confusion about how to raise children who are so very different from children just a generation ago. There is a significant difference between being strict and being firm. Strictness refers to punishment verbal (harsh words, criticism, labelling, insults) and physical abuse such as hitting, beating and things that cause physical hurt to the child. Verbal and physical abuse make a child feel humiliated, disrespected and helpless. The resulting emotional pain experienced by a child blocks his ability to think clearly, focus and pay attention to his tasks, besides breaking the childs self-esteem and self-worth. Parents do not mean for things to turn out this way. Maybe they are just repeating the way they were raised as children and dont know how to use a different approach. Being firm is a different and more positive way of disciplining a child. A firm parent corrects the child with careful use of language (communication) that makes a child aware of the mistake or bad behaviour, sets the rules and right expectations, is respectful of the child even if he has behaved badly - does not use words or actions that hurt the child physically and emotionally. Being firm is also about being consistent, giving in on rare occasions when the situation calls for flexibility. Do click on this link to learn more about the authoritative parenting style that uses firmness to discipline children: https://www.parentcircle.com/article/4-types-of-parenting-styles/ Hope you will be motivated to being a firm parent most of the time.
Age: 5 Years and 9 Years. What is successful parenting? Is there any definition as such?
While you, as a parent, are striving to perfect your parenting skills, we bring to you some perfect moments that you may have experienced along the way.
/article/there-are-no-perfect-parents-only-perfect-moments/Dear Parent, this is a very thought-provoking question indeed, one which we at ParentCircle are striving to answer! The term successful is subjective, based upon ones personal experiences. Hence, a single definition would be evasive, to say the least. Parenting is impacted by a complex set of factors and experiences, some of which support positive parenting approaches, and some of which contribute towards difficult parenting moments. Parenting is at the intersection of cutting edge multidisciplinary scientific research and child development. We are informed that every experience alters brain structures, therefore parents are encouraged to provide their children with experiences that build their brain architecture. We have inadvertently picked up certain approaches and styles of parenting that tend to give children experiences that will form negative pathways in the brain. Therefore some of us can benefit from retraining and learning newer ways of relating to children. Suffice it to say that successful parenting is more about enhancing the moments of connection between parents and children. Heres another link to tips on creating and capturing your own perfect parenting moments: https://www.parentcircle.com/article/there-are-no-perfect-parents-only-perfect-moments/ Also, do follow this link to an article on parenting styles and how they impact a child: https://www.parentcircle.com/article/4-types-of-parenting-styles/
My child (5.8 years) does not communicate with others apart from the people she is familiar with. Should I see that as an issue?
In this part of the 'Social Behaviour' series, we talk about how important it is to tailor-make our parenting styles to suit our children’s personality types.
/article/your-childs-personality-and-its-effects-on-social-behaviour/Dear Parent, during a childs 5th year, typically she will want to please her friends and please them. Your daughter will soon be turning 6 a stage when she will become even more independent from parents and will want to show how grown up she is. This is also a time when she will learn to cooperate and share with friends because acceptance by friends becomes important to her. Its good that your daughters social skills are developing while she communicates with people, even if its only with those who are familiar. When you mention others in your question, I presume you are referring to people she has never met or spoken to. This is quite natural, though you may wonder how some children are comfortable speaking to almost any one. These children may be extroverts. Do you think that your child may be an introvert? Introverts are people who prefer spending more time by themselves, think a lot, enjoy their privacy, will ponder over things before expressing themselves. They need their quiet space to re-energise. In contrast, extroverts re-energize in the company of many people, enjoy being in groups of people and can feel uncomfortable when alone. Introverts and extroverts are naturally so. Any attempts to change their basic nature will only confuse them. Each type requires to be handled differently. Do click on this link to know more about raising an introvert or extrovert child: https://www.parentcircle.com/article/your-childs-personality-and-its-effects-on-social-behaviour/ You could also explore another angle shyness. This is a behaviour, not a natural trait. Therefore shyness must be addressed, else it will block a childs social and emotional development. Fear is the underlying emotion that raises self-doubts and insecurities. The child is unsure of how people will judge and respond to her. If ignored, shyness can lead to social anxiety which will impact a childs overall development. Do click on this link to find more information and tips on how to help a child overcome shyness: https://www.parentcircle.com/clipbook/how-to-help-your-shy-child/ Hope this has been helpful.
My child is 8 years old. I want to help him build gratitude and humbleness in his behaviour. How can I cultivate it? Though we tell him and show how important is it on one’s development.
Being kind is to open our hearts, be friendly and considerate. It is a quality that comes naturally but can also be nurtured. As a parent, you can help your ...
/article/how-to-teach-your-child-to-be-kind/Dear Parent, the latest research in character development tells us that kindness and gratitude are two of the most important things we need to cultivate in ourselves and in our children. So you are absolutely on track in wanting to teach these values to your child. On Monday, 23rd Sept, you would have received the link to this article: Teaching values in children. You will receive an article on 21.10.19, titled How to raise a kind a grateful child. The article contains detailed information and tips. Please do take the time to read it. You can access the article from the link that will be sent to you via email. This is a link to another useful resource: https://www.parentcircle.com/article/how-to-teach-your-child-to-be-kind/ Hope this has been helpful. Please do write back should you need further guidance.
How can I manage my child's (9-year-old) laziness even though I know he has a particular strength/interest/passion? How can I manage over obsession with newer interests or hobbies.
Does your child lack the motivation to succeed? A healthy sense of self-esteem plays a crucial role in making your child feel happy and motivated. Read on to...
/article/how-selfesteem-affects-your-childs-motivation-levels/Dear Parent, your childs laziness can really make you feel frustrated, especially when you know he is passionate about something. So why is it that your child is holding back? On the surface, it may seem that he is just being lazy. All behaviour has a purpose usually to protect ourselves or to enable us. In your sons case, the laziness seems to be protecting him from something. What could it be? Given that he is 9 years old, he is at a stage in his development where he will explore many interests and try hard to become good at something; where he naturally inclined to work hard to achieve and feel successful. That could explain why he seems to be obsessed with newer interests. His active search can be exciting, as well as disappointing if he has not yet discovered something that will hold his interest. While you do give him the time and opportunity to explore, lets also consider if any other factors could be interfering and causing him to withdraw. Usually, poor self-esteem is a common reason, apart from self-comparisons with peers. Here are a few tips for you to help him build his self-confidence: https://www.parentcircle.com/article/how-selfesteem-affects-your-childs-motivation-levels/
Vishwa Vidyapeeth 2019-20
Post Workshop Questions [27th July 2019]
All the post-workshop questions that we had received from the workshop held on 27th July 2019 on Brain and Behaviour will be answered here by our experts. Look out for this section to get your answers.Team ParentCircle
Sep 30, 2019