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    Behaviour

    Behaviour

    Behaviour in 2 - 5 year olds

    Are you a parent of a pre-schooler, who is concerned about your little one's behaviour? Join our discussion to clear your doubts, share your journey, know from our experts and explore more about behaviour and how you can help them! ... more

    Comments

    Team ParentCircle Sep 21 2020

    We have been thinking about bringing home a pup. My 5-year-old has been too keen about it. We also mutually agreed she will take part in specific chores related to the pup. Meanwhile, I tried using the pup as a reward to get her to become more independent. To give you a background, Im a working mom who only got weekend mornings with my daughter. The past 4.5 years she had everything done for her. I have been trying my best to foster independence in her during the lockdown since I work from home now. So far, I have managed to get her to eat by herself, if not all, some of her meals. Now the brushing battle, however, is the toughest for me. I take out the brush and she takes about 15 minutes to even touch the brush. We talk, I threaten, sing, tell a story and this goes on for an hour before she gets the brushing done. So, I told her, if she brushes her teeth by herself every morning, Ill get home the pup. It has been a week, and the struggle is still on. I told her we may not be able to bring home the pup with this behaviour continuing, she got terribly upset. What do I do?

    Team ParentCircle Sep 21 2020

    @Team ParentCircle Thats a conundrum. So obviously setting up a reward didnt work in changing her behaviour. Two things u need to think about - 1. Why is she not able to do the self-care tasks independently? Are you expecting too much of her? Has she been set up to believe that it is something you'll always help her with? or some other reason? and 2. if you do bring the pup home, will u task her with helping with the pup? and what happens when she doesnt? you'll end up doing it yourself?

    Let's discuss these points. You have said, the expectations relating to taking care of the pup are mutually discussed and clearly defined; much before you brought home the pup. You have therefore set clear expectations from your daughter and so, we can expect her to help you with the responsibilities.

    Now, coming to the brushing bit - if everything was done for her, and you want to change that now, the last thing that'll work is telling her to do it herself.

    You'll have to do hand-holding for the parts she's totally unable to do right now while giving her an opportunity to do the parts she willingly does

    Break down the morning routine into say 5 steps. For each step, think about what she is able to do herself and how much time it requires.

    Then for each part she is able to do herself, you'll have to stand at a distance and egg her on without nagging her- this requires time and patience but if you want her to be independent, you'll have to go through this even if she takes time

    If you break it down to 5 steps, initially you dont have to get her to do all 5 herself.

    Maybe get her the brush and tell her to brush, while telling a story. The story pauses if she pauses. No shouting, no nagging. You probably will get the brushing done in 10! You need to be patient and give her the message that you're there for her, but you wont do everything for her.

    P.S Start with a premise that you can tell only one or two stories based on your childs speed at which she can brush and agree on that beforehand.

    Stay strong and Parent on!

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    Kavita Mahesh May 23 2019

    @Kavita Mahesh Once I came across this topic while browsing the website. This may help you.
    https://www.parentcircle.com/circle-topic/good-touch-bad-touch-workshop-for-children-and-parents-7d394/

    Kavita Mahesh May 29 2019

    @Kavita Mahesh So good to hear that you want to make your child aware of such an important thing. I think you can ask her regularly whether she enjoys going to school, does she hug her friends or teachers or any other person while in school, does she like what she does or is made to do.
    Also, you can ask her uprightly if someone hurts her or does something to her which scares her or hurts her.

    Once you start regular conversations keeping in mind these elements, she will not hesitate to share anything with you or your spouse. She will openly share her encounters and experiences with you thus making it easy for you to understand her better.

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    Team ParentCircle Dec 5 2018

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    Raghav Krishnan Nov 12 2018

    looking forward!