10 Tips to Help Your Child Manage Stress
“Pressure and stress is the common cold of the psyche,” said the Australian comedian Andrew Denton. Not only adults, but also children suffer from stress. Here’s how to help your child manage stress.
By Dr Priscilla J S Selvaraj • 10 min read
Who isn’t at the mercy of stress these days? Thanks to the pressures of our modern lifestyle, most of us give out loud cries of distress. Children are no exception. But, are we even aware that they are under stress? If yes, what are we actually doing about it?
Neighbours, friends and relatives often seek my counsel when it comes to deciding their children’s higher education and career. Here is one such instance.
Mala’s daughter Shwetha (both names changed) was good in academics. She also participated in extra-curricular activities. She was a skilful dancer, an eloquent orator and an accomplished painter. She was interested in almost everything. She was able to maintain a good balance between studies and other activities until she completed class 10. She opted for the science and maths group in class 11 (going by both parental and peer pressure). A couple of months later, her problems started. She was unable to cope with the pressures of assignments, laboratory work, records, tuitions, dance classes and inter-school competitions. There was a dip in her academic performance; she started withdrawing from friends and family; she took ill often; finally, she refused to attend school. That is when Mala brought her to me. After a couple of marathon sessions with both Mom and daughter, I realised that Shwetha was very interested in pursuing extra-curricular activities. I suggested a change in her group – from Science to Arts. Within a few weeks of the change, both friends and family were able to see the same old cheerful Shwetha again. Hers was nothing but a classic case of stress. Identifying the stressor and managing it was what mattered.
In the case of Shwetha, a change of stream was all that was needed to get rid of stress. However, different approaches may be required to tackle stress in children depending on the reason for stress.
What is stress?
The Online Oxford Dictionary defines stress as, ‘A state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances’.
In simpler words, stress is nothing but undue pressure – pressure to meet deadlines, pressure to conform to norms, pressure to realise ambitions, pressure to perform consistently, pressure to say ‘Yes’ always, pressure to cope with crisis and tragedy, pressure to exceed expectations … the list goes on.
Such pressure, strain and tension have adverse effects on physical, mental and emotional health. Therefore, it is essential for all of us to manage stress effectively. It is all the more important for children, as the present generation is under a lot of pressure from various quarters. Before we go into how to manage stress, it is essential to know more about it. For, managing it well depends on being able to recognise stress, stressors, outcomes of stress and its manifestations.
Types of stress
There are three major types of stress:
Acute: This is the form of stress commonly experienced by all. It is short-term stress, caused by recent pressures and future demands. Low levels of such stress can bring on thrill and excitement. However, high levels can cause exhaustion.
Episodic Acute: When you experience frequent periods of acute stress you have episodic acute stress.
Chronic: This is long-term stress and is the most difficult to treat or manage. Unlike acute stress, which can bring some thrill and excitement, chronic stress hampers functioning at all levels and destroys lives.
Outcomes of stress
To understand this, we need to go back to the definition of stress, this time from Harvard Medical School’s ‘Medical Dictionary of Health Terms’ – ‘An innate survival response in which certain hormones are released, increasing blood flow to the brain or heart. The stress response leads to an energy surge, enabling a person to flee dangerous situations. Ongoing stress, however, can sap energy and damage health.’
Two phrases in this definition tell us the nature of the outcomes of stress – ‘energy surge’ and ‘can sap energy’. ‘Energy surge’ is a positive outcome. Such a surge can push us to perform better, thus bringing out the best in us. This condition is called ‘Eustress’.
‘Can sap energy’ is a negative outcome. When our energy levels are low, it will affect our performance and can bring out the worst in us. This condition is called ‘Distress’.
All that matters is how we handle stress – whether we allow it to surge or sap our energy.
Tips to help your child manage stress
- Be aware of stressors and address them: This is the key to winning the battle against stress. Identify the stress triggers in your child’s life and help her manage them. That will eventually help her get rid of stress.
- Set realistic expectations: Not only should you, as a parent, have realistic expectations of your child, but your child also should have realistic expectations of himself. Irrational aspirations and ambitions only hinder your child’s performance.
- Plan well: Proper scheduling of all activities – academic and extra-curricular – will certainly go a long way in reducing stress. Overloading the child with tasks will not help in any way.
- Adopt a healthy lifestyle: Ensure regular sleep hours for your child. He should have sufficient sleep (at least 8 hours a day). Encourage him to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time every day. Such a routine will help him sleep well and stay fresh during the day. Your child should also take regular and proper meals every day. Make sure the diet is of nutritive value.
- Maintain an active social life: Withdrawal and isolation will not help at all. Teach your child to interact and mingle with friends and relatives. A solid emotional support system will help, especially during times of crisis.
- Indulge in pastimes: Nothing beats hobbies and leisure when it comes to de-stressing. Let your child take up any hobby that she is interested in – gardening, sports, painting, etc.
- Face failure boldly: Often, fear of failure and the embarrassment on facing failure prove to be major stressors. Teach your child that both success and failure are different and essential aspects of life. It all boils down to how we face both.
- Learn to solve problems: Develop problem-solving skills in your child. When children find it difficult to face problems, they wilt under pressure. Lateral thinking and divergent thinking are different problem-solving approaches your child can adopt.
- Stay calm: Teach your child to stay calm. Anger, anxiety and nervousness never help.
- Pray and meditate: The most important tip is to make your child set aside some quiet time for reflection, prayer and meditation. This is sure to ease stress.
With these tips, let us help our children overcome stress and tread confidently on life’s road.
About the author:
Written by Dr Priscilla J S Selvaraj, PhD (Eng & Edu) and published on 28 February 2020.
The author is an educationist, language specialist and writer. In a career spanning over two decades, she has taught from preschool to B-School and trained teachers, master trainers and software professionals. She is also a former member of curriculum and syllabus development committees (Govt of Tamil Nadu). Her passion for the written word matches her enthusiasm for entertaining little kids by breaking out into nursery rhymes.
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